why do everyone leave..

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why does it always happen
like. i tell them about my aspergers and they say its alright and doesnt matter then when i have my first bad moments then theyre just gone
he left me all alone
i cant even . even talk
i dont want to i want to go all mute
he said he well always be here for me now hes not , not when i need him the most why does it always happen? why and what i do wrong they said ITS ALRIGHT. they lied

Hi there.

Sounds like you're having a tough time.

I struggled thorugh my previous relationship too although it ended for a reason other than Aspergers. For most of the time i wasn't even aware of Aspergers as a condition.

I had awful incidents where I would have panic attacks and scream and cry in front of his parents for seemingly trivial things like not remembering where my passport was or not being warned beforehand that a champagne bottle was being popped.

Its hard for us when these meltdowns happen (I think you are referring to meltdowns - bad moments?) but it is harder for the NTs as they don't know what's going on for us and why and sometimes they just think we are acting up.

Maybe the best thing is when the next guy comes along be honest as you have been and perhaps try to explain a bit more about the meltdown situation before it happens. What sort of things trigger it. One of mine is public transport so I would explain to friends that I dont like unexpected noises, peopel crunching or eating strong smelling food near me and for that reason I will always bring earplugs and a scarf to wrap round my face when necessary. If they are prepared maybe it would help and they will not be so shocked when you have your bad moments.

I feel I have to say this. But if He is leaving you when he sees you having your meltdowns, ect., then he really is not supportive. You can do better., You will find someone that understands you better and like you for who you are.

I think if you just say that you have it, and then he says that's fine - he probably doesn't understand what it means or why it happens, and probably doesn't realise the impact of it, and if they are not asking lots of questions - it probably means they don't really want to understand or don't think that it is important.

If you tell them you have it - and then they ask you lots and lots and lots of questions about it in order to really understand it, so they can really consider what it means and *then* say it's fine - then I would be more inclined to believe them. But the true test is always when you have your bad moments.

Sorry to get all analytical here, but this is what I see. Part of it has to do with your age. At 18, you have social access to males who are around your age and they tend to be less emotionally mature than females. They don't have the ability to deal with someone who has issues and are generally just looking for a good time. As you get older though, you will interact with people who are more emotionally mature and capable of sacrificing for the needs of another person. They will also become more caring as their hormones calm down a bit and they are not just thinking about sex 24/7. So, it's not as much about there being anything that wrong with you but rather it's about his ability to cope with things in a mature manner. Plenty of NT girls have to deal with boys rejecting them for silly and stupid reasons at this age so please don't think bad of yourself because this has happened. The important thing is that you keep trying. Eventually, you will find the right one.

It always happens to me, too.... not in that exact way, but otherwise. Every girl I have found has either been unfaithful in the worst possible way, gotten angry at me over something, gotten bored with me or, just recently, left me to stay with her family, instead (meaning her mother and brother). I have to say I am kind of dead inside, by now.... nothing ever goes right. They always find me to be great at first, but... after some time, they seem to know better..... I was "perfect", to the last girl. She said it many times, along with many other things. I guess I maybe wasn't so perfect to her, in the end, after all. By now, I have pretty much lost my hope on finding the girl for me. I never even met these girls, in "real life", though, so I am lucky in that way, at least, but really, I have sort of lost my belief in things becoming as they should, in regards to true love.... maybe humans aren't even capable of true love, actually. Maybe I just shouldn't have become human.

....I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring up about my troubles in your thread. I just felt that I can relate to your sorrow, in a way, and I never even posted about what happened to me.... didn't want to accept it, and nothing anyone would've said would have made me feel better, anyway. I do hope that you have no reason to give up, though..... that you aren't hurt in any permanent way. Sometimes, bad things that happen to you even can be the very opposite of bad.

he's studying psychology so sometimEs i feel like he's more interested in me that way than as a girlfriend... But then he always gets angry if i have my bad moments and saY something rude and he just says i got to be stronger Well it's true But he never say HOW. But i though, he'd like me, as he promised

Nobody can really tell you how to be stronger. You just have to figure that out for yourself. What he means is don't let everything bother you so much. If people treat you like s**t, just ignore them. They're not worth your time anyway.

It's a learning process to cope with some of those difficulties, but over time you'll figure it out. Sometimes you just need to identify the issues and think about which steps you can take to overcome them. It's part of who you are though, so don't be ashamed of it.

If this is a common issue for you in dating, you might want to consider taking a break from dating for a little while to deal with what you feel you need to deal with. You certainly can't just "fix" things though so it is going to take some certain level of understanding by whomever you date, and so if things don't work out then you can be thankful you aren't with someone who isn't understanding of who you are. It'll allow you to find someone compatible that accepts you for you, and that's really important in a relationship.

But he said he loves me and and he's here when i need him well he wasn't. I tried to trust him but i can't really trust him because am kind of scared now. He's a bit scary sometimes i don't know why he just is specially when he gets angry. I just wanted to talk because something on my mind now i feel i did wrong. I just don't know what and why

That's how they are. Everyone is. Friends, family, you name it. You tell them about your disability, and from that moment forward, they will attribute everything you do to it and start negating for who you are. If you have a bad mood, it is not because you have a bad mood, it must have something to do with AS. If you have a break down, it is AS. If you are happy and cheerful, it must have something to do with your special AS interests. That is why only a few people know about it, and even those I regret telling them, because they tend to do it more often than they'd like to admit. It is a door you must hold shut to anyone as long as you can. I have come to realize that it is better if people see you as an enormous buffoon and idiot than as "someone who isn't right in their mind".

Unfortunately it's a cold, brutal world out there and there are always people around who are ready to take advantage of us for their own gain. For those of us with AS this can be difficult to understand and part of the reason why some of us are social outcasts that loathe interaction with strangers, since we have a harder time picking up on this.

If you can't think of what you did wrong then chances are you didn't do anything wrong. At some point you're just going to have to accept who you are and look for someone who is naturally compatible to you instead of trying to conform to someone else. That doesn't mean you shouldn't improve yourself when you can, but it's impossible to improve yourself to the point where everyone thinks you're absolutely perfect dating material. Eventually you need to be comfortable living in your own skin.

write him a message asking these questions?

But every time i ask he just says. "you did nothing wrong" or "you're perfect" and if i am angry or frustrated he gets angry. CONFUSION CONFUSION CONFUSION

Its the frustrating thing about NTs - their attachment to being polite.I think you just have to tell him what kind of support that you need during a meltdown and to let him know that these are not things which are personally directed to him; if you do that but he still just leaves then maybe he isn;t the one for you.

i think he is tired of me.. That How it feels really.. And like he's waiting for it to go away and me to get better like i was sick. I just want him near me and around me like sit next to me but always he gets angry and says am rude and mean But AM NOT. I try my best i really do... Sometimes he says "behave darling" when am just acting normally and like. He says people would get angry at me if they hear How i talk to him. I just Tell him what i think is that wrong? Am not mean... I Tell him sweet things i never Tell anyoNe Else it's not sure..