how do girlfriends deal with autistics??

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mine is pretty easy to deal with

Its hard to trust people these days.

Coolbreezy thank you for writing this post and for being so open. I am a girlfriend of someone with autism - it's a mix of aspergers and autism - heck and other things thrown into the mix for good measure. And I love him so much and I know he does back but emotions overwhelm him and he does try and push me away a lot.

We have broken up once before and during that time remained friends but he initiated getting back together. As we have become closer he opens lots of dating accounts messaging girls though it never comes to anything - I was away for 1 week and he did nothing, no talking to girls and no opening new accounts - for him it seems habit but also a way of him making what we have "less important" because when he feels deeper emotions as I said before, he finds it so difficult to contain them. It makes sense to me that when we spend a lot of time together or we are romantic, intimate and very emotionally close inside, subconsciously he is very anxious and so does the whole "dating site thing" as an escape into his cave. Every time I go away and so we are not intimate or emotionally close ie. Im in a different country for a week or two he never goes on the dating sites. Hence why I conclude it's down to anxiety and stress.

Our relationship is getting stronger but that's only down to my persistence to stay with him and "get" him. Sometimes I feel like I may be patronising him but it's just the way I have to communicate things to him and in fact it is working. I am now able to say to him "You are very grumpy today, the tone of your voice is actually hurting me, remember you were the one who called and wanted to see me." He will then step back and reflect on his bad mood and see that if he wants me around he needs to recognise he can't talk to me nastily. And it works.

Saying that, I do believe it takes two to make a relationship work and I also have Aspergers but I'm very high functioning so I recognise things more... I've realised that he is the only guy I have dated who "gets me" and I can be moody/stroppy too - and he won't take it personally!

I'm so glad I have never given up on us but I do admit it's very hard. Any "normal" functioning person would shake their heads at the following but I am so happy that I have two best friends who get me, but most importantly get both of us so they're the ones I normally talk to about this. I never talk to anyone else (well except people on WP!)

1) I never call him - it's important I give him space, I have often found that if I call him in the past I might catch him when he is in a very bad mood and then I wished I had never called him. I always let him come to me. This can be very hard but it's what I need to do. And yes, he always comes to me.

2) If I don't hear from him for a while then I'll send him an email with a picture/funny cartoon/funny video or something that I've seen and thought he may like - this always opens up his cave door and shines light in so he knows I'm there.

3) When he calls I ask him how he is, I need to know if he is okay - if he's stroppy I say I'll be over "later" I know the couple of hours will give him that extra space or I'll ask him to come round mine or to meet in town as this gives him time to "let go" of whatever stressful situation he is in and come to a more neutral space.

As I said, this may sound patronising but it's not meant to, it's just what works for us.

I disagree, I know Aspergers is on the Autistic spectrum but my bf has a mix of low functioning Autism and then high functioning Asperger's syndrome so there can be traits from both just as ADHD and ADD is also on the Autistic spectrum so is dyslexia, dyspraxia, synesthesia, they are all on the Autistic spectrum. I have very high functioning Asperger's syndrome with dyslexia, dyspraxia and synesthesia but the educational psychologist who finally "got it right... or "got me"" (I went to loads and loads of specialists and through loads of assessments) diagnosed me with Neuro-diversity. My bf also has ADHD and lots of other things thrown into the mix.

It's been traumatic for me because I've been too "high functioning" to be diagnosed with Asperger's but all my life known something was wrong, the educational psychologist in London who assessed me was someone who really looked outside of the box. - And this is me with 177 /200 on the online Asperger's Syndrome test. For anyone who has difficulties knowing where they are I really recommend you see someone like him. This diagram is really useful too:

http://www.danda.org.uk/pages/neuro-diversity.php