what are asperger men problem

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Thanks for explaining.
No, I wasn't trying to imply the bolded part at all.

You see, even if you apply for the job it still is up to the employer to decide.

You seem to adopt the stance that the employer is just sitting there waiting for applications. They can also actively recruit by head-hunting. You also seem to imply that people arent applying for the job... when in fact they are. Its getting past the interview process that the whole 'problem' is in.

As a person seeking a job, what is a better situation to be in? To have the employer seek you out and offer you the job even though you've been actively applying to many other jobs... or to apply for jobs nonstop till you find one. Maybe. ?

Let's take it further. To get a job you must pass the interview. Interviews are heavily reliant on social skills that must be backed with experience/education. You get an applicant that is all charm and has good skills and another that is socially deficient yet an expert in the field. The job needs someone that can integrate with the team, company and perform on socializing-based tasks.

Who do you think gets the job? Why did he get it? Why was the other one not chosen?

Last edited by Dantac on 02 Dec 2012, 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly. This is precisely why AS men fail in relationships. Just like interviews, dating relies heavily on social skills

no, most employers don't do any headhunting. most people don't get offered a job out of the blue, they have to actively seek it. i'm not sure about the rest of your tangent about headhunting as the analogy breaks down here.

but about having AS as an interviewee... what if the interviewer is similarly socially awkward, yet has to do all of that interviewing? i can't imagine a more uncomfortable experience.

I don't mean to go off topic. I agree with the employer-dating analogy a lot. I think it could even be taken further, though.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/2 ... 31289.html



Given the estimated 70-90% unemployment rate among AS adults, is it surprising that the majority of AS men cannot get a date?

I have found my dating prospects were much better when I had a job and declined when I went back to being a student after 3 years in the full-time workforce. So even if you're in school, you're less desirable. Add social awkwardness + student status (or worse, unemployment without student status), and I would be surprised even if neurotypical men in that situation could bag a date.

I tend to give women more credit though than some other people. I'm more likely to think that, as others have pointed out, that men with the qualities to secure a job also tend to have the qualities to secure a date, and vice versa --- rather than being unemployed is itself a cause of turning off women (I'm sure there's some of both though). I know many women who don't care much about money but still want a man who is going somewhere with his life. So it's not the money itself, but rather the idea of dating an equal.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 02 Dec 2012, 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wait a minute. keep in mind that 50% of the workforce is comprised of women, and women tend to marry men of similar socioeconomic status as themselves. they were probably surveying employed women (the majority, after all. tellingly, the survey didn't mention it either way). if you are an unemployed man, maybe seek out unemployed women - they would be the same status, after all.

something you noticeably didn't quote from that same page:

also, if you're going to throw around aspie employment statistics, please back them up with credible sources.

(edit: if you are using the oft-quoted autism unemployment rates, it includes all of the people on the mid and low ranges of the spectrum)

They do head hunt when they seek specific skill sets or they get no applicants for a position they need fulfilled. Applicants not applying to 'most' jobs will likely end up with no job...its all a numbers game. Also, 'most' employers are precisely those that get tons of applicants so they do not need to head-hunt. In other terms, they get to decide who they hire. Sound familiar?



I don't see the relevance here. Even if both were unemployed there is still the same 'pool/interview' process that will decide if a relationship takes place. Granted, its is in general highly unlikely the unemployed male will succeed whereas an unemployed female will likely succeed... economic factors are generally less an issue in the male decision list than the female one.

because men are expected to do the approaching, initiating, asking out, so any form of a social deficiency is going to hurt men more than women in this area of life

Though it may not completely level the playing field it is one reason on line dating is a great place for someone who behaves socially I a way that may confuse women. Though I firmly believe AS... At least on the low end... Is not a deficiency. This frustrates me. Why is "not the same" a deficiency, negative, bad, wrong?? It is a shame to me that those of you who have so much difficulty with embracing your traits and loving them were not brought up being told how great they are. I was always able to see the great parts of my son whrn he was growing up.. and although there are things about some behaviors that were frustrating as a parent there are no more frustraiting behaviors from him than there are with his NT sister. Just in different areas. He would ask me as a young child. "Mom, am I different/weird/strange" my answer... With a huge smile and hug was always yes... and that is what I love most about you. Just be who you are and be happy with that. You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy or to be a good person. He has all the Aspie traits. He is socially uncomfortable. He has a girlfriend and two other close friends and they are all inseparable and just click together. But he still gets social anxiety when he knows they are all getting together. He wants to do it but the thought overwhelms him and we work on how he deals with it. People are drawn to him and he still does and says things that NT wouldn't and sometimes people say something to him about it. He really doesnt care. He accepts himself. Honestly that is all it takes weather you are AS or NT..

As for who decides. It is not one person or the other. Women are just as insecure in the start of a relationship and have just as many fears of rejection as a man does. You can chose not to believe it but it doesn't change the facts. I am a woman and I know how I felt in dating situations. I know all the conversations I have had with girlfriends when they start dating a new guy and hoping he will call or ask her out again and not reject her. In all those situations 100% of those girls would say the decision was his not hers. It does become difficult for an AS to "read" that her not calling is her waiting for him to call and not a rejection etc.. but a relationship is always a mutual decision not a choice by one gender or the other.

BlueMax. What is the title of your new thread? I have not been able to get on as much because things got hectic around here (busy not relationship hectic) but I always love your posts.

Is there anyone pointing a gun at you telling you to approach women/ask them out?

I havent asked anyone out properly in my entire life(scared of possible replies...) yet I kept waiting and eventually somebody came along, we hit it off and she asked me out.

Will this happen to every male?
I dont know but I can tell you that if you are this bitter about approaching females none of them are going to go out with you(been there, girls avoided me even at buses and whatnot)

no, obviously us guys are not forced to do it, but if we guys want a girlfriend, we can't be passive about this because almost all girls are old-fashioned and feel it is the guys job to take action and make the first move, approach, start conversation and ask out, as in it is very extremely hardcore rare for a girl to be the initiator and do the asking out, pursuing, etc.

Source?

I was not always blessed with good looks (so not right off the bat) and good physical characteristics.
I looked very unhealthy and ugly for almost my entire school life (under-weighted, extremely skinny as almost like a Somalian kid suffering famine), my teeth were very terribly unaligned beyond imagination, and as the white dog guy said, I am very short too.

Overall, I am not that good-looking.

um...are you two still dating? just curious.