some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't

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most females are old fashioned and expect guys to chase them. guys have to put in most or all of the effort. guys have to tick all of the boxes and must be average or better than average looking to have any chance of dating success.

yes that is true. but the thing is. why is it that some women never get approach by men, or when men do approach them, the men just lose interest in them.
you have 2 aspie women. miss a and miss b
miss a is alway getting approach by men, men like talking to her, and she has no problem getting boyfriends
miss b almost never get approach by men, and when men do talk to her, they lose interest, and she has no boyfriend ever
both have asperger and both are playing the ''traditional passive role''

now for men you have two aspie men mr c and mr d
mr.c is good looking and is very outgoing, he goes up to women all the time, the ladies love him and he has many gf.
mr.d is also good looking but is very very shy, he can't go up to women, and when he does he blabber like an idiot and women
laugh at him, he never had a gf.
for men, to get a girlfriend he have to be outgoing and be able to know how to talk to a woman ( the right way)
but for women, there is no pressure to know how to talk to a man, men will approach and tolerate most women but there are women that men will never approach or tolerate.

Males usually have to lower their expectations to get dates but females are unwilling to settle for anything less than their ideal match. With role models like Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton it is not surprising that young women have the princess entitlement mentality.

its not the role models, its the parents and peers that give them that mentality from an early age.

I tend to prefer shy or quiet women. I find they're more intelligent and thoughtful, since they aren't devoting all their mental energy to interacting with other people.

I'm also highly suspicious of flirty, "hot", middle aged women. In addition to the above reasoning, It just doesn't compute to me that they're a good catch if they're still available.

And "hot" in general, blah. Hot doesn't last. Healthy lasts, and a woman who spends three hours a day painting themselves just doesn't seem healthy. Healthy women age wonderfully well. Hot women seem to stop bothering when the wedding cake is cut.

I always like quiet over loud, introspective vs outgoing, and healthy over hot.

I'm sure I'm not alone. So don't lose hope, quiet ladies.

Well, I don't think I'm alone.

I dunno. Maybe I have them all to myself!

This has been said 30 times before, but I'll be the one to say it again; It comes down to PHYSICAL attraction.

The women who aren't getting hit on, flirted with or "tolerated" are being overlooked by men because they simply aren't attracted to her.

And to set things straight; a woman can look BEAUTIFUL, but if she carries herself like she has no respect for herself (wears dirty clothes, doesn't shower everyday, stinks, walks with bad posture, doesn't brush her hair, etc) then guys still won't want to be around her very much.

Being considered "attractive" isn't only what you look like, but also how you present yourself.
Remember that.

looks are all about presentation. Ever heard the term "diamond in the rough"?

I totally agree with this. If you don't have a social circle it is difficult to meet guys unless you join a club or go online dating. My social circle don't seem to know any single guys, which makes meeting someone more difficult. So it helps if your friends are social too and meet new people to help you out (not that it's their responisbility to do your fishing). But some people, like me, won't online date for safety reasons.



I also agree with this. I have been approached in the street. Last time was late at night after a gig. I was going back to my car and this guy came up and started talking to me. Asked me where I was going next. I said home. But he didn't believe me. He thought I was trying to brush him off. I was going home, but I wasn't going to go for a drink with him for safety reasons. I got to my car, I said goodbye and got in and drove away.



Not true. The exact same guy that told me I was "a good looking gal" made fun of me behind my back when I liked his friend and tried everything I could to talk to this guy and take an interest in him. He also made fun of his friend because I liked him. Blabbering like an idiot was a hinderance for me. Nothing ever happened with the guy.

And the guys who go out with the hot woman even though she isn't nice to be around. How will that work out in the long run? Sure she got a few dates. He got to hook up. But what about a long term relationship?

Is the problem here a difference in male and female phsychology? Are guys looking to hook up and women looking for a long term relationship? Does this mean that a woman will reject a guy who she suspects is only interested in sex and hold out for someone she can see the potential of settling down with? Seriously, if you are going to live with a person every day of your life and if this man is going to be the father of your children it's going to have to be someone you can tolerate being around.

Bingo. For most, this is true. In order to maximize their contribution to the gene pool, the optimum strategy for males is to spread their seed far and wide as, preferably with higher quality females when possible. The optimum strategy for females is to simply find a nice alpha male that will do said spreading of seed far and wide, as it will likely produce sons which will do so, thereby spreading her OWN genes as well, while at the same time trying to secure said alpha male's emotional (but not sexual) fidelity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy_son_hypothesis

Probably because not all women with Asperger's are the same and each one has different (though often similar) strengths and weaknesses.

Some don't have boyfriends because they are not interested?

From what I have experienced here, some woman are asexual but not aromantic. (wants companionship without the sex)

Some girls can't get guys due to their apparent rude/ignorant personality. The aspergers is rarely the reason for a girl to be overlooked.

I know of not as good looking guys/girls who HAVE boy/girlfriends...it's all a matter of meeting the right people.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Absolutely.. presentation plays a very vital role in attraction. Physical features also play a role however, and we'd be pretty blind to think for a moment that they don't..

But having said that; of course, everyone has a certain type of person that they are most drawn to.

I believe genetic compatibility is an important part of attraction in the end -- which would explain why most of us have at least one or two things that STRONGLY turn us off about another person's features/appearance..

I work with the public nearly every day, as the fitness floor supervisor at an affluent local gym (ugh ). Because I'm in the spotlight, as it were, for the entirety of every work shift, I have to be (read: play at being) funny, outgoing, charming, witty, engaging, friendly, knowledgeable, helpful, etc., etc., ad nauseam. I interact with folks of all ages and personality types. During my workweek shifts, the clientele mainly consists of retirees and geriatric folks; the weekend population is more of a mix of ages and backgrounds.

Owing to the nature of my job, I *have* to smile and say hello - at the very least - to everyone who walks onto the fitness floor. I talk to literally hundreds of people each week. I call it my "daily therapy," because, left to my own devices, I'd be a hermit, with the 'net being my sole source of human interaction. The stress of "pretending to be normal" is exhausting.

Every day, some older male or female compliments me on my appearance in some way, whether it's my hair, my complexion, my smile, or my physique. I try to take the compliments in stride, even though they embarrass me horribly. In a nutshell, I'm 6'1", fit, and nerdy-but-pretty; I'm 44, but generally "pass" as 28-32 because my skin's flawless. Folks routinely ask me if I model or have modeled.

Old men, some goofy and some creepy, flirt with me regularly. At least, I think they're flirting - I can't tell. But I digress. Teenagers apparently find me attractive (I guess?), because I often find them staring at me; one high school senior sought me out to chat every time he visited the gym last year, and once blurted out that he "didn't care that I was 30, or whatever (HA! )." Before anyone gets up in arms: I'm amoral, but I do live by a strict personal code of ethics that prevented me from even thinking about pursuing anything with the kid in question.

I'm what's known in today's ignorant parlance as a "cougar" - but in my case, it was never intentional, and still isn't (I may post about this personal quirk elsewhere, at some point). I'm pretty much only attracted to a certain look that generally happens to be youthful and "pretty," and there's nothing I can do about it. 'Twas ever thus.

But here's the rub: no guys in what I consider to be my "eligible" dating age group even talk to me, except perhaps to wish me good morning or to say "hello" in passing. NONE. I work with several guys (personal trainers, front desk staff, and the like) whom I consider attractive, and we constantly engage in conversation and playful banter. That's IT, though. I'm never - and I mean, NEVER, EVER - asked out, or even flirted with (that I know of, anyway).

There're also a couple of gym members I kind of have crushes on; recently, I summed up every ounce of will and courage I could muster and forced myself, in spite of my horrendous social anxiety, to look them in the eye, smile, address them by name, and even attempt a few seconds of small talk - and this was after I'd caught them looking at me repeatedly from across the fitness floor. And...NOTHING.

For the life of me, I don't understand. Is it my height? Possibly; many folks over the years have told me that I'm intimidating. But the crushes in question, and most of my co-workers, aren't shrimps, and I'm guessing that some of the creepier middle-aged-and-older males who shamelessly leer at me (when they think I can't see them strategically positioning themselves on pieces of equipment that allow them to stare unencumbered while I work with oldsters in our supervised circuit ) probably even have a height fetish, because many are on the diminutive side. Is it the IQ? I don't think so, because only the older/elderly members I work with regularly (and trust somewhat) know that I was a gifted child and that I'm a member of Mensa.

That leaves only the Asperger's, and there's nothing I can do to "fix" that. If I'm sending out odd signals, I have no clue. I also don't know how to flirt, so my smiles and attempts at small talk have probably been for naught, especially if they were only perceived as mere politeness.

I recently spent 2 humiliating, degrading, demoralizing years with a violent, narcissistic sociopathic alcoholic who cheated on me, just so I wouldn't have to be alone. I left the nightmarish "relationship" at the beginning of September. I met my now-ex on OkCupid; each time I've tried online dating, I've pretty much only attracted substance-abusing, personality-disordered fuckups and predators. I half-jokingly call myself a "monster magnet."

I have no idea what to do, and the crushing loneliness is killing me.

Do you have coworkers you can ask for help?

Eh, not really. I feel like I come across as a complaining nuisance to my female co-workers as it is (most of our discussions consist of my bitching about our horrendous c*nt of a boss, who loves to bully me to no end), and I really can't talk to the guys about this stuff.

I *have* broached the subject and confided in some of the female gym members I work with, and they 1). can't believe I have debilitating social anxiety, and b). don't believe I'm an Aspie. Obviously, none of them are mental health professionals...but I guess I deserve an Oscar(tm) for my daily performances, then! They tell me that they can't fathom how it is that I, for all intents and purposes, don't exist to eligible guys.

I guess that should make me feel better somehow, but it doesn't. It's not like anyone ever says, "Hey, I have this smart, cute single friend..." or anything...