some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't

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If the girl is physically appealing in any way to a single guy, and she has a decent personality that the guy enjoys, she can be shy/confident all she wants, the guy is very likely to want to be intimate with her in one way or another.

What happens after that is almost always up to the girl to decide the outcome.

If you want to get a nibble, you have to use the right bait.

Get a book on dating tips, look at websites, see a hairstylist and beautician and learn how to apply simple makeup.

Of course, then guys like me will assume you're spoken for, because we're very stupid.

I guess I don't have any advice for you, heh.

Socialising when I was younger was fuelled with alcohol, or not done at all.

Then, it proceeded to online dating (since my twenties).

The problem isn't even having a date, it's keeping it as a relationship.

But I *was* married for a long time, unhappily married, so that took years off me having more experiences.

When I was at Uni, second time round, it would normally be a NT friend who pointed out if anyone was interested or flirting. I wouldn't have a clue. And allegedly, I do it too, without realising I am.

I think that sending out the right signals is the key. I used to know a socially awkward girl who all they guys loved because she conveyed this air of wanting to have someone to look after her. She made the men around her feel needed and strong for looking after her. I was talking about this with a friend recently (she and I are both single and lets say traditionally attractive) and we are very independent, pay our own bills, been living on our own awhile don't need anyone to look after us sort of women and just don't get asked out. Not even for a coffee.

We are maybe too strong. I think guys want to feel like they are wanted too and don't want to put in too much effort if it's not going to get them anywhere. This comes back to the idea of being aloof. Too far away to reach.

If a guy looks at a girl and thinks, she's pretty, but there's no point trying with her, she's not looking for anyone anyway then what's the point in wasting time on her. I'm moving on to someone easier.

Girls that are content with their own company, the sort that like to read and don't cope with parties, who can happily sit at home and entertain themselves with hobbies, can convey a sort of air that they don't need anyone and aren't looking for anyone because they can be content alone and aren't the sort of women who crave attention every second of every day. They can make guys feel like they are not needed.

My observations have told me:

Hot chick + Aspie weirdness = "Cute and quirky"
Ugly chick + Aspie weirdness = "Creepy like an Aspie male"

This also applies to NTs as well, generally. Hot people, and especially hot women, can get away with a lot.

In my opinion, it's a matter of showing that you have some submissive side of yours to the typical guy. If he sees you have no need at all for him to be a man to you, he is going to go elsewhere for his "manly fix".

I think for women like you, you're better off with the less common submissive men.

Wow, you summed up in one sentence what took me several to say. Good stuff.

Ah, I see your reasoning here, but I want someone who feels like he is on the same level as me. I don't want someone to feel inferior. I want to be in a team. I also really want someone responsible. I've spent alot of my life looking after my mother and I would like to not always be the person that has to be the responsible one. I need someone of equal intelligence to discuss things with and bring their own strength and ideas into the mix, someone with confidence in themself. Someone strong enough to tell me I'm wrong, when I'm wrong. Someone strong enought to support me when I'm right.

Is that too much to ask? Or am I single because I want too much?

If you aren't full of s**t, you are truly a heavenly creature. Have you felt this way your WHOLE life, or just as you got older?

I disagree. You can look below average and get a boyfriend easily if you have a go getter personality and do stuff in real life.

Have you found such men? And if so, have you made the effort to ask them out or something?

You may have to make a few moves in your case.

Good luck with your search.

Lol, I'm not joking. I'm surprised by your incredulity. Erm, isn't that what everyone wants?

It has been and idea developed as I've got older. I have changed a lot over time. As a teenager I just wanted anyone that showed an interest (or said hello). So I got into a not abusive relationship, but he was passive agressive. I didn't realise that at the time. He was a bully though. That's the only real relationship I've had. I was the sort of girl that was niave. You see people grow up and get married as you grow up. Most of my family, parents, Aunts and Uncles married young and have stayed together. It seemed easy. I just had to find someone and it would work.

I used to be the "ambulance chaser" type. I'd meet a guy and think I adored him. I look back now I know that I didn't really. He was just another guy I didn't really know that could be "the one" if only he got to know me. I'd meet him at a party, through a friend, at a wedding etc. and be desparate to see this guy again. Try everything I could to get his phone number off someone or be where he would be so I could meet him again. I probably freaked out a few guys doing that. (that's another reason aspie girls are single. They think there is something there when there isn't and are too intense trying to make something happen)

Then one day I realised that I was getting on quiet well with this guy I knew, a friend of my Dad's. I could talk to him easily, he laughed at my sense of humor, we talked about life, the universe and everything. I enjoyed listening to his views and he enjoyed hearing mine. It just worked. Unfortunately he was 20 years older than me. Think about it, I am almost 40 and he is almost 60. When I'm 50 he'll be 70. He's older than both of my parents. I never told him how I felt. It felt ridiculous. This was when I was in my early 20s. I wasn't really mature enough for him. Looking back I see that now. But we had a certainly solidarity.

But he changed me and I knew that what I wanted was to be part of a team like that again. But I've never found that with anyone else...

Damn that's a sad story. I'm not looking to replace him. I just want to get on well with someone like that again. (Actually that's not true, there was someone else like that. but he was married, so I had to move on.)

Bad luck or stupidity? I don't know.

Close to my thoughts on the matter - I'm an autistic gal who can get 'dates'...mostly because I pursue them, it seems I have to as I've been told I'm too intimidating. I've found that over time most guys seem to dislike you not fitting into the social dating rules for women by being submissive, they seem to dislike when you have confidence and if you don't need them, even to the point of trying to undermine you're confidence to build themselves up.

Among women, I've noticed for the most part that they want a man that is superior to them somehow. They want to feel protected, safe, and provided for. Put short...more often than not, a woman doesn't want a man to be beside, she wants a man to be behind.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

I don't always put a lot of weight into evopsyche, but when it matches up with my anecdotal evidence, I give it more credit.



Not surprising. These days, in western society, it seems like you've gotta be some kind of extroverted alpha male type in order to get most girls when they're younger. They don't tend to go for more "stable" things until they get older.



Bear in mind, a lot of these people grew up when marriage was taken more seriously. With today's "sexual liberation" and "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" mentality, who gives a s**t about marriage?



I can understand this quite well. All my life, I've always gotten along better with people in the 35+ range. Even when I was a kid, even today.



Don't feel too bad, the reactions of women to submissive men they generally view as weak is pretty brutal.

the question is as elusive as why some aspie men get dates when others do not. they aren't hotter than the single aspie men, nor are they necessarily more sociable.

one man in an aspie group i attended was married to an aspie female in the same group, and neither one of them was more social, richer, friendlier, or better looking than any other aspie in the group. but they were right for each other and the situation worked out for them.

I thought it was because of intimidation or anyone that responded in short sentences. I always felt like if I had to do so much work, I wonder how much more will I have to do when I get married to this person. Maybe the women are stand-off'ish because they don't know that they are being pursued? do Aspie girls know when they are being pursued? Maybe they are not reciprocating when they should?

Misunderstanding alert.

I was responding to this:

I don't want someone to feel inferior to me. Granted I don't want to feel inferior compared to my man. I don't want to be a downtrodden doormat. But I want him to not pass the buck when it comes to important decisions like how much to spend on rent when looking for an apartment. I don't want to make that decision and have it only be me that cares about it. I imagine a submissive man would want me to handle the finances so he doesn't have to worry about it. (I know guys like that) I want us to discuss it and agree how much we'll pay. I want balance.

I was also thinking of some women I know that want a husband who will do what she wants. When I was having problems with my old roommate I said to someone, "this puts me off getting married." My friend (who is a husband) joked, "it'll be different when you get married, you just tell your husband how things should be and that's how they'll be."

I don't want to be with someone so I can tell them what to do. That's why I said I want someone who will tell me I'm wrong when I'm wrong.