To date an "ex aspie"

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I still likely qualify as being on the spectrum, but I may have been off it a few years ago. Since I am working hard to get off it for good, it is fortuitous that I am likely going out with one now, though am not sure if it was actual Asperger's or merely something similar that she describes as having as a child. She's full NT now. It is my goal to become an ex autie/aspie too.

The problem is, would this be harmful, would both parties have a tendency to knock each other back on the spectrum? I'm very curious if anyone else has been in this type of relation ship and, if so, was it harmful or good?

I don't think there's any such thing as being an "ex-Aspie". You can be an Aspie who's really really good at faking NT, but the underlying tendencies are always gonna be there.

Does she consider herself cured? I for one would find it strange for someone to go around saying they are a cured aspie. Other than that I don't see why you should worry

She talks about social issues and sensory issues, and nerdy interests, as a teenager, that sound quite like Asperger's and how she got over them. We've only been on two dates, so maybe she just isn't comfortable bringing it up.

I agree with this. I don't technically meet all the DSM IV criteria for AS, but my therapist diagnosed me anyway due to their clear presence in childhood. If the theory is correct that ASD's are neurological in nature, and that those neurological elements are fixed rather than adaptable, then it would be impossible to truly be "cured" of it. Rather, behavioral conditioning will minimize or override those tendencies.

I doubt merely being in proximity with another Aspie who has behaviorally conditioned themselves to imitate NT behavior will undo said conditioning. The conditioning will still be practiced in real world situations, and might even protrude into the Aspie-Aspie relationship as well. I have no actual experience to prove this, however.

Once an aspie always an aspie!

There are some people who vow to change, dedicate themselves to improving and in result expand their horizons.

It's possible to improve so much socially, that your whole way of thinking shifts as well. Where it's more than just faking being a non-Aspie, but being who you really want to be.

However it isn't for everybody. Some people like being Aspie and some people wish they would improve but are too stubborn to.

Tyrion, you're on the right track man. Keep going, you'll get there. Some people on this forum are too aspie-centric to ever improve (so they think other people can't), but don't let that stop you.

Thanks. I think it's a special problem with Western culture's individualist mindset that people think they are entitled to do whatever they want, and others should be forced to accept them, even if they're stupid and f****d up.

This could be why Asperger's hardly even exists in some Asian countries with a more collectivist mindset (this is documented. Burma actually has little autism at all, according to one study). Children simply learn to fix themselves when they are young. Western culture is too coddling, accepting, and gentle, so people continue on in their self-defeating ways, sometimes not even aware of them. Where other cultures force people to conform, Western culture simply lets people down easy...into the grave.

I'll bet she re-grew her missing left arm, too.

One doesn't "cure" themselves of a rewired brain, they simply work ten times harder to try and behave like everyone else.

You can't cure AS.

You might get better at masking the symptoms and faking NT.

Tyrion, you got it right again.

The "wahh, i'm always going to be aspie, so no other aspie can change without being fake" mantra is very cliche around here.

Not to mention unsupported by science.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 72386.html

Actually, there is no one silver bullet "cure" for autism. But a mosaic of treatments can actually work as a cure over time. Autism is a lot like cancer. Some forms are almost always curable when caught soon enough while others are more hit-or-miss.

With the right intervention at an early age (something I and many others did not get, mind you), I think many if not most children can be cured of minor forms of autism like Asperger's.

Maybe, but you also have to remember that only way people have those numbers is becuz people have to go out and get diagnosed, I know plenty japanese people who struggle and just get left to the way side(school wise and social wise) but never actualy seek help because of the social stigma against it.

Also some of the most dedicated and hard working people I know have autism and on top of managing a "normal" life style, they also push themselves to be better than normal because thats what western culture expects them to be(the whole "autism = savant syndrome" stereotype)

I still have my diagnosis papers and I have in fact used them to my advantage when I can (work related). I don't fully believe myself to be autistic or Aspergers, and to a degree, I am starting to sense it really is just psychological and philosophical BS.
This might be a little selfish, but I got a little story to share and I want to see who can relate to this?

I am vaguely remembering being depressed and upset as a kid. I didn't want to talk to anyone because the people around me used me and I had a hard time letting go of things. Growing up being told constantly that I was ugly, or would never amount to anything and being told I was stupid was not necessarily a sign that I was autistic, it was a sign that others were quite harsh with me in their opinions and I took it to heart. I didn't want to make eye contact because I didn't feel like doing so. I didn't like expressing feelings because people lashed out at me when I did. I would respond with violence in some cases where I heard enough of other people. There is a lot more to it, but a shrink/counsellor observed my behaviour and gave me the Aspergers label. I didn't believe anything was wrong with me for a long time, but once close friends heard of this label from my older brother, the dynamic of all my relationships changed. I now used this label only when convenient because I refused to be responsible for my own actions. Eventually, I started to believe this labelling thing to be real rather than focus on the real issues in my life.

Anyone can be labelled by a shrink. I am almost certain plenty of them label someone as autistic or aspergers just because someone wants to make some money. That does seem far fetched though. When you look at the western world, it seems as if people skills disappeared and ruthlessness and ego boosting became acceptable social norms. A lot of people don't want to take responsibility for their own behaviour and some shrinks are more than happy to capitalize on this fact. An ex aspie is probably someone who is no longer allowing a label to affect their life..

Zinnell took the words out of my mouth. It could be just as easily argued that people with autism have more pressure to succeed because of the expectation that they can only be idiots in need of care or geniuses.

UGH

This is just...UGH

Autism is a hereditary, PHYSICAL and CHEMICAL difference in the brain that affects MUCH more than social functioning. It can easily be misdiagnosed, but it does NOT go away. Now, I do agree that people can learn to compensate, possibly to the point of having the same social skills as a Neurotypical. You can, with a LOT of hard work, probably make up completely for your inherent social skills deficit. But that doesn't mean you've been 'cured' of Autism; it either means that you didn't have it in the first place, or you've learned social skills to match others' the way someone can learn from a book. It will still certainly affect other parts of your mind and functioning, even if it doesn't bother you.

And I disagree with this "improvement = no Autism" thing. People can, and DO, amount to EVERYTHING without necessarily having great, or even normal, social skills.

GAAH, this is worse than that "ex-gay" bullshit--and it's the same kind of ignorance. You can have sex with people of the other gender and not people of the same, and you can 'function' as a straight person, but you'll still be gay inside. Anyone who claims to be "ex-Aspie" or whatever the hell you were talking about is either mistaken or lying. This person may have been misdiagnosed as a child--it DOES happen, and therapists will often misdiagnose people because they don't know where else to put them. Remember, Autism is wired into the brain. This doesn't mean you can't change your behavior; it just means that if you were born Autistic, you will die Autistic. Period.