too rational for romance

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so, i just had a conversation with a recent ex and he's said that he can't love me if i can't love him the same way. the thing with me is that i'm not sure i feel love (what does love feel like?)... i had a gf last year and i thought i was going to marry her, because i could see our futures as compatible (work/life-wise), and she was nice enough to talk to. i thought that'd be love, but she was really angry when i told her and she said that unless i "felt" love for her we couldn't go on.
i am (un)lucky enough that i am pretty much asexual so i don't feel the need to seek relationships for physical closeness - which i really dislike, and which is a problem for relationships as well (people seem to like physical contact, romantic and/or sexual) - but i want to have a family some day and i would like to spend my life with someone i feel comfortable with.
however, i just don't think i "feel" emotions towards other people. i can say to someone that i like spending time with them/talking to them, we have things in common, we want the same out of life - okay. but more than that i just don't know.

now ever since i got diagnosed with asd (not even two months ago) i have been feeling very low. i think a diagnosis will help me because i can say up front "hey, potential partner - this is an issue, so i'm telling you now", but i still feel like nobody will ever want to be with me. why would they spend their life with someone seemingly cold, who can't say he loves them, who doesn't want to hug or kiss or whatever?

does anyone else feel the same? i don't think my being so rational is a "problem" (i think i see things the right way!), but i can see why for others it is. i won't lie to someone and talk about feelings i am not feeling, and i can't hold back when i feel someone (even a partner) is doing something stupid/illogical (which is unfortunately often). it came out that i sometimes do dickish things but apparently people are still able to see that i don't do it with malice, which i guess is good.

can i find words of encouragement out there? how can someone ever be with me without "putting up" with it all (which seems unfair)? will i be able to only have a long lasting relationship with someone with an asd that thinks and behaves like me?

thanks for any reply. this has been on my mind a lot lately...

I'm pretty much like you but I gave up on the relationship idea a long time ago. I know I would struggle to have someone around me all of the time but sometimes when I am down I do wonder what I have been missing.

thanks for the reply. i am wondering whether i should just give up as well. i don't want to abandon the idea of having a family, but on the other hand, right now it seems like having one would be pretty much an impossibility. although i haven't yet figured out if i'd really like to have kids/a partner, or if like the idea of it. having never experienced that sort living situation, i don't know how i'd feel with having someone around all the time, and living so close to them/interacting so often...

You probably do have feelings towards people if you want a family. There aren't many purely rational reasons for that. In fact, I can't think of any. You definitely should not have kids if you suspect that you cannot love them.

I'm in the same boat the last gf I had couldn't stand how emotionally distant I was. The last girl I had anything to do with was a lesbian, I was drawn to her because I figured she wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment (not from me anyway). That was a year ago.

I tell people I'm married to my school work, since I'd be married to it either way. I'm thinking Ill find a mail order bride from Africa, Asia, or some place where the romance scale is at a 2 or 3 instead of an 8.

I'm pretty sure you can find someone who likes the arrangement, you'll have to think outside the box and persist though.

This is what drives the women wild.

When you say According to my calculations,

Hi there,
I really feel for you. I am in the same position as your boyfriend. Although I know my boyfriend cares for me I feel lonely most of the time because of the extra space he needs and I have to do most of the compromising when it comes to what we do together. Don't give up. People differ in the amount of quality time they need from relationships. Breaking up is really hard but this is one time where it pays to be logical.
While our partner shouldn't have to supply all our emotional needs, everyone has certain needs specific to intimate relationships and each person's needs should be met most of the time if the relationship is going to thrive. I think it's a good idea to be upfront about your own needs and ask your partner about theirs before everyone gets too attached. If both of you are willing to make adjustments so you are both mostly happy, you're a good match. I think this is possible with anyone if they are prepared to be honest, listen and seek the other person's happiness, even if this sometimes means doing something they wouldn't normally do.