is this consider friendzone

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I'm not saying that guys who are rejected are all jerks. I'm saying that the term "friendzone" itself has negative connotations. That's all. :/

Also, Dantac, I really hope that she doesn't feel guilty over nothing. Are you sure she was aware of what she was doing the whole time, or did your reaction influence her into merely believing she did? I'm not blaming you, I'm simply putting it forth as a possibility. I understand the pain of rejection. I was in a similar situation, only I knew for sure the other party liked me. Sadly, once I got in contact with her again and confessed my own feelings, she'd already moved on.

Anyway, I advise you to think it through, and not let your negative emotions get in the way of your analysis of the situation.

I think there still a confusion between a male friend who has a crush on his female friend vs actual friendzone female friend.
I had a crush on one of my female friends but I never consider her a ''friendzone'' friend.

I know this one young lady, i hang out with her, we played fuzz ball, some card game and talk to her about video games.
now, I just see her as a friend. Now if this same lady, ask me to go to dinner with her, talk more emotional towards me (you are so sweet, I love you, greatest guys I know) and want me to cuddle with her. and she continue doing this (remember friendzone is not just one single date) if we always going out, and all that typical bf/gf and if I go ''hey lets go out or become bf and gf'' and she
goes ''no, were just friend, I know this other guy'' I would consider that ''friendzone'' and I be upset.

this one young lady acts like a friend. I act like a friend. she doesn't act like a gf. if you have a female friend that acts like a girlfriend, that a friendzone. if you have a crush on your female friend, who acts like a friend, and she doesn't want to date you,
that is not friendzone, that just a girl who has no romantic feelings towards you.

Why are you assuming something silly like that? I just repeated what one girl said - it has nothing to do with me.

I said girls who think like her do exist = like her = some girls .

And I called her girl instead of woman because she was being so immature.

Stop trying so hard to put me in a sexist light.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 22 Jan 2013, 3:00 am, edited 2 times in total.

Girls/Women do feel and whine for being friendzoned sometimes too, you know people.

All people frindzone all the time because ....well...you can't f**k everyone!

To all the guys in here, whether there is a relationship or not. Here is what I experienced during hte latter part of 2012 and what ultimately forced me to change my perspective:

I met a bit older lady at a meetup. She got out of a relationship within the month prior. We exchanged phone numbers at the end of the night when I drove her home. We went out on a "date" and we didn't kiss but we hugged eachother. She then came over for BBQ steak on a Friday night the next week. A week later was her birthday and on the same day as one of my friends, so I managed to do both. We first kissed during her birthday night. I drove her back home and she invited me up but I refused to go further considering the circumstances. I got out of this "noone has ever rejected me like that before, and I definitely respect you for it." We had another date during hte week where she said that "I am really only looking for friends and want to see where this takes us." The trouble may have started here.
We got intimate after that talk and the confusion may have started. She was showing the signs of someone who was interested, yet repeated that she only wanted friendship. There was one particular night that went badly as we went to a meetup together and she was wanting to hold my hand alot in front of others after rejecting me (relationship topic brought up). This confusion and the alcohol involved caused a meltdown. I could assure you that I did want to leave and told her that and there was some crying (her) that night as well. Funny thing is I spent the night with her as well and made breakfast the next day. She was thankful for it. But now I was in the position where I was burning a hole in my pocket.
We didn't see eachother for a week and there appeared to be evidence of another guy in the picture (the ex). She hit a rough patch and contacted both me and the ex. I was there and he wasn't. She appeared to have gotten herself in a better mood after I got her out of her apartment. We went to another meetup later on that week, but she wasn't doing so well. I took her home and I don't think she spent alot of time out of her apartment the rest of the weekend. Yet we continued getting intimate and the emotional talk was left alone. But I got sick with a cold and she caught the cold from me. This was the third time in such a short time period where she got sick with either the flu or a cold. This cold lasted throughout the rest of the year for me. I did notice that despite illness, she really didn't appear too happy in my company anymore and but said she still enjoyed my company.
Sure enough, it ended one day and she told me she felt no "genuine connection" despite telling me that she felt a spark. I didn't know if it was me because I became too confused with her behaviour and seemed to shutdown (became non-expressive by this point), or if it was her really feeling there was no possibility This regretably ended through text message. She said to me "it ended well" but I think it was because we mutually agreed to end it. The way it was done was so bad that I can't say it ended well at all and I was the one that ended it through text. She felt some insecurities of mine along the way were her "dealbreakers." I honestly can't believe how pathetic I felt and acted after this though as there was some strange communication through text on my part. I had a hard time letting go and was rude enough to not say a word to her during our next face to face meet to pick up something I left at her place. 10 seconds and out I went. I could feel myself melting down and I feel now that only having this to be responsible for was the best possible thing for me. Who knows what I would have done if I stayed to chat for a few minutes, (no physical abuse, but borderline verbal abuse was something I feared doing.)
I completely cut her off. No Facebook, No MSN/Skype and removed her from my phone. Even went as far as removing anything about her from my profile. I even warned her that I was going to do this to move on. If I had read these spirtual enlightenment books sooner, I probably wouldn't have done all of that yet. I am responsible for my behaviour in possibly hurting her feelings. However, the confusion I felt and her admitting she felt no genuine connection was enough for me to be convinced that I may have been nothing more than an ego boost for her. I walked away. Still sometimes think about her as she wasn't the strongest person herself. I know she hadn't truly found her inner self and I hope she has since we parted ways or will someday.

really? interesting you would not bother to quote my exact words where i said otherwise:



so, you were friends and you tried to become something more and she rejected you. nothing wrong with that. the only problem was your manipulation where you were trying to create a relationship without making it official - sort of easing her into it without even asking if she wanted it, then making her look bad afterward for allowing it! this could have been avoided by being upfront in the first place.


yeah... some friends do. you chose to get that close to her as a friend - you were not dating her. it's so strange you are turning that around and sort of blaming her for that when you were perfectly happy with the arrangement... as long as you thought your friendship was going to lead to a relationship.


she didn't do anything wrong - you did.


it is not an obvious date unless you call it "a date". 2 friends going out together does not equal a date just because you happen to have feelings for her.


you are not taking responsibility for your part in this - while blaming her, and you seem quite bothered about it, so... i am a bit skeptical about this. you said she knew the path would hurt you from the outset, yet only you were fully aware of what your plans were going to be. you withdrew your full friendship from her because she allowed you to date her on the sly? that's like being angry that someone allowed you to offer to move their furniture to a new home. if you don't want to do it out of friendship... don't do it. it is unfair to expect other people to second guess your motives.


honesty would be a start - maybe ask people directly on dates. i have never had the misfortune of having someone try to sneak me into a relationship by taking me on dates when we are not even dating, thank god. but i hope you don't try it again in future. it didn't work that time and i doubt it would work in future.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 22 Jan 2013, 7:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

some people are narcissistic - this is nothing new. why do you share this example with us, unless you think it is somehow important?

Because it's one scenario of friend-zoning cases, the scenario where the girl is very aware that this guy X fancies her yet she still gives him signs to keep him as an ego pet.

since we agree that it would not be a common case, it's not like it would be filling a category. it doesn't make it a justified label to apply to cases of friendship between men and women, even when one of them is interested in the other. the only way it could be justified is if 99% of women are actually shallow and narcissistic abusers that like to have fanboys, and that isnt the case. so it doesn't explain the pervasiveness of the "friendzone" label.

Hyper, check this link:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree ... riend-zone

I think you'll agree with at least some of what he says, and in fact, this is what I myself am somewhat arguing for.

*nodding head*

Hmm, so you believe that only 1% of women can be shallow and abusers - I see, sounds legit.

well yes, i do agree with that article!! ! he says:


also, i agree that not everybody who uses the term "friendzone" is a raging misogynist, absolutely. it's possible and even popular to pick up on current buzzwords and use them without thinking about how they portray both men and women. this whole "friendzone" puts the genders into a weird and unflattering space that isn't even accurate for most of us. i think the majority of people don't use each other for their amusement, so the idea of being on guard for that and naming/shaming each other accordingly does a disservice to genuine friendships.

i don't know what percent - likely the same percent as men. what percent of men are shallow narcissistic abusers? i would think the number is vanishingly small.

Hmm, you should get out and see the world more.

Yup. There are more than you think.

All you have to do is watching the news to realize that!!