Gawd why.....

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They (all the girls I've been with) would always try to shit-test me no matter what.


DUN DUN DUnnnnn


Well, there is that girl I've been dating casually last two weeks and today she asked me a question; which in my opinion, was disturbing and very absurd.

The question was (translated) "relationship-wise, do you consider yourself generous or not?"

I was like "No, i am a stingy beggar guy as you've already seen "(in a overly sarcastic 'tone', note that I paid for all dates earlier even when she suggested half half once because i was often the one who was doing the inviting and because.....well see the explanation in bold below*) (For MCalavera the original text was: لأ ولله متل ماشيفة أنا بخيل وقاطع ايدي و شاحد عليا

and she replied: "Nooo, I mean do you believe in half-half or what?" (Now THAT what made the original question disturbing, THAT what has exposed that it was a trap question, a s**t test).

So I've awkwardly got silent for a moment and asked back "What does one's generosity has anything to do with believing in half-half?" (note: on my okcupid profile there was that part: http://i.imgur.com/QNlMV.png and I met that girl through that site).

Her: "Some guys who believe in half-half are stingy; some aren't"

Me: "You did a correlation chart I believe, can I see it please ?"

Her: "I am just asking! Stop kidding"

here my face got really grumpy, : "this is a disturbing question somehow, what did you see in me so far? you should already know the answer"

Her: I am just asking

Me: it sounds like a trap question that women love to ask

Her: "noooo I am trying to get to know you better"

Me: "Well, If I say that I believe in half half then you would assume I am stingy and if I say I don't then you would assume I am a chauvinistic man"

Her: Don't judge me here (how funny, she's the one was trying to judge).

Her: "What do you mean by chauvinistic?"

Me: "a man who doesn't believe in men-women egalitarianism"

Her: "Women hate stingy men, you should know that" (this one stinged and I really wanted to throw something on her face at that moment because she sounded assuming i am stingy) .

Me: "My okc profile was very very clear about this point I believe, I am generous and pro-egalitarianism, not just in term of dinner's half half but about everything, I was raised by two working parents and they're values I believe in them and has nothing at all with generosity"

Her: Ok


(I wasn't very convinced with her ok, so I looked at her into the eyes)

Me: but now deep inside you, you think that i might be stingy undercover and hiding it behind equality values, because you've obviously established in your mind a link between half-half and stinginess"

Her: Well i can't assume anything I have to see that

Me: O Really? you asked this question in order to assume things

Her: Sam habibi no really But i wanna get to know you more

Me (here I almost YELLED): Exactly! you get to know me with TIME and from my actions and not by asking me stupid questions like this!! !

Her: Ok sorry ! ! Won't ask you anything.

Me: only with time you get the answers you're seeking

Her: I don't mean anything! I'm saying how people in our society believe

Me: THAT'S WHAT YOU BELIEVE, DON'T THROW IT ON SOCIETY

Her: "I believe in half half but I am not not stingy myself" (yea right, I believe my ass)


* When I invite I always pay no matter what, but sometimes dates happen without clearly who invited the other (developed from mutual suggestion) - in that case, .and this my date-payment behaviour: The more the girl insists to pay half-half and shows she's willing to pay half, the more I insist to pay the whole bill, most of times I ended up paying everything happily , why? because this initiative of her tells positive volumes about her; but when the girl sits there expecting me to pay everything just because she has a vagina (turn off for me), therefore I show less willingness to pay half making her realize to pay the other half, I cut contact with the girl after that. So as you see, it's not about the money, it's about how I evaluate the girl and how much worth to continue with her.

The girl above sounded in the previous dates to be of the first type (insisting or at least suggesting to pay half) but now I totally suspect it.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 Dec 2012, 1:49 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Sure sounds like a princess who wants to make sure everything continues to be free... Anything less than that makes you "stingy".

Last edited by BlueMax on 28 Dec 2012, 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[opinion=mine]

Question: "Are you stingy?"
Translation: "How much can I hit you up for, and how often?"

It seems to me that she was indeed "testing" you for future generosity. Either that, or she was trying to back you into a corner with even more questions until you had no other choice than to give her your money now.

[/opinion]

This is, of course, the truth of the matter.

Boo, you are a very smart, articulate man. Wise, even. Stay grounded in your wisdom. You did fine. I especially like this:
"No, i am a stingy beggar guy as you've already seen " (try it without the sarcastic tone next time; say it deadpan, it will be even funnier - or more confusing).

This one cracked me up laughing. Because many Lebanese women (and I don't mean just romantic interests) respond like that when cornered.

You did well. You could've been a bit more calm, but who am I to talk? I've had my edgy moments as well.

I see nothing wrong with the question. As for the idea that time is the only way to know things, I see no point in sticking around long enough to find out if a person has undesirable traits if you can simply ask early in the relationship. Why would you want to be in a relationship for six months only to find out your boy/girlfriend is stingy/lazy/psychotic/hates kids or whatever it is you can't handle in a person. Sounds like a huge waste of time to me. And if someone is intolerant of the questions themselves, they certainly will be intolerant of dealing with me in the future...

Of course you don't.

You're not a man.

Interesting.

I asked something similar to the last guy I was seeing on the first date. We had paid seperately of course.
The reason I asked was due to the cultural differences.
We live in a country that isn't our own, but both of us come from different places.
I was trying to figure out whether he wanted to follow said country we were in's rules, his countries rules, or my countries rules.
All very confusing, because what is normal in one is downright insulting in another, and vice versa.
And being aspie, I suck at social rules at the best of times, so I thought it best to ask for clarifcation, rather than risk insulting him.

It did not even cross my mind that me being aspie and seeking clarification of social protocol could be taken from his point of view as a sh*t test.

So Boo, I'm curious, because I know you live in Lebanon and that there is a sort of dual culture there.
Are the two cultures all that different on this one point? Did she actually have a valid reason to seek clarification?
It would amuse me greatly if in the end, after all of your adventures, you ended up with an aspie chick. Oh the irony!

???

Why not just tell her the truth?

If it were me, I would just say that the person who invites should pay. If there is no person responsible for the invitation, each should pay whatever they consume. Or they should just share the expenses proportionally to the ammount they can pay, but I guess the latter is too complicated/weird for most people to try.

For example, suppose you have 128 pounds (I have no idea of how Lebanese pounds work; is 128 an acceptable ammount?) and she has 150. Now, suppose that the total expenses for the date were of 72 pounds. Your money equals roughly 46% of the combined ammount, while her money equals roughly 54%. Therefore, you should pay $ 33.12 and she should pay for $ 38.88. Of course, rounding it to 33-39 (or 34-38 ) is perfectly acceptable, since it would be really bothersome to pay for 12 and 88 cents, respectively (that is why I seldom use cash to pay for anything; I prefer debit cards).

Last edited by Magnus_Rex on 29 Dec 2012, 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Would've been a better approach in my opinion. But it all depends on the context, and I'm sure Boo made a fair enough judgement that he had to do what he did.

Because...


She did not ask, "Whom do you think should pay for the date?" THAT question would have justified the answer of, "the person who invites should pay".

Obviously, she wanted to know if he thought of himself as generous or not-generous; obviously, she was fishing for information on his spending habits; and obviously, she was concerned that he might be not-generous.

Otherwise, she would not have asked a question regarding his generosity.

But he answered her first question sarcastically and she proceeded to ask him if he believed in half-half (which would justify my reply). I still do not see why he could not have answered it directly.

Note to self: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS! IT'S A TRAP!!

Or maybe people are too paranoid about "traps" to say what is on their minds.

LOOK OUT!

What I would have got out of that is that you're a grumpy so-and-so who can't give a straight answer to a question.

Surely there was a better way to handle that other than jumping on the angry defensive.

Got any ideas?


And stop calling me Shirley.