How to properly text with NTs

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HELP!!

It seems like text messaging has always been the death of a potential relationship with me. Even though I am an Aspie I don't have the stereotypical blank look and monotone voice. I smile all the time but often in an atypical way. I get a lot of "why are you smiling?" or "every time I see you, you are smiling." My smiling has also gotten me into trouble (e.g. smiling at a funeral, teacher thinking I was being a smartass, or talking about tragic news with a smirk). I speak very loudly too and often have to be told to speak softer.

I digress...so when I have been on dates things seem to go well with no awkward moments. The girls will even suggest doing something in the future without me saying anything. I think I am perceived as being somewhat normal while being quirky and idiosyncratic. However it seems that it is text messaging that always kills it for me. I don't use any text lingo and spell out words perfectly and typically try to be clever and creative.

I just don't get it! I could have a great date, kiss them, and when it comes to making the second one I get the eternal silence with no response to my text message. We may text message initially but things seem to die and they just never respond back. I seem to do better with face to face conversations vs. winning women through text messaging.

Is there any secret to attracting or not scaring away NTs when it comes to text messaging? What am I doing wrong?

Please give an example of something you would text.

You: "How are you today?" Majority of NT humans: "I'm good. *Insert complaints about all life's problems*" You: "I know how you feel... I've had this, this ,this and this happened to me today..." NT human: "Oh, okay. Now, onto more about my life and why it's so horrible. I could actually care less about you or what your problems are."

^This CONSTANTLY happens to me. I'm not sure how to fix it. I guess console them and talk about anything they want to or are interested in? That seems to work whenever I can't figure out what to say. If I COULD say something, it'd be about electronics and they wouldn't care to hear about that. *Shrug*

Well I think when someone mentions a problem, they want you to listen and support them. Not start talking about your issues, even if its the same issue. I just say "yeah I know how you feel" and let them go on. Then when they are done you can vent to them about your issue.

Hope that helps.

If they are venting to you, that's a good sign that they kind of want to hear from you even if it can be a little self-centered. Pretend you're interested.

As far as I can tell, there is no way to fix this. When I moved back to my hometown, I noticed this trend among NT female friends. I'm an Aspie woman, and they honestly don't care what's wrong with me, as long as they can continue talking about their troubles. Unfortunately, one session of listening doesn't mean they will stop behaving this way either. They seem to take it as a sign that they can always go on like this. It's led to a couple of fights in the past few weeks, because they get offended if I tell them 1) they're not changing their behavior, so of course they have the same ongoing problems, 2) they seldom really listen to what might be wrong with me (which does change between work or child or health).

@Veckatimest This happens to me as well, when I try to have text conversations with guys. I think today's NTs are just so used to not needing an attention span, that they flake on anything that requires the least bit of additional attention or effort. If you're not in front of them, they forget about you. I've had other NT women tell me this happens to them, with the guys they're trying to date, who are also NTs.

Well it happens with Aspie guys too, trust me. They are just as flaky and not interested. Whether I bring up something in their interest, or in mine, it never really gets the attention it deserves (by email or text, but not text so much). Maybe it's just me.

This is why solitude, is always the best option for me. Less disappointment.

They are comfortable sharing with you. They are not looking for you to relate in that moment. They want you to listen and be supportive. As selfish as it may sound, they want you to leave your problems out of the way at that moment. Truthfully though, they are gonna solve whatever problem on their own anyway and dumping it on you doesn't help them or you. Connecting with others though is dependent on your ability to forget trying to relate to others.

When it's the same continuous crap and they never change their behavior, it gets old. That's why I'm annoyed with it. They never allow me to speak. When I do try to, they continue complaining about themselves. Even after years of being friends. It's like I'm their therapist, not their friend.

If you aren't good at texting, then tell them that you don't like doing it. Tell them that you want to call or be called if there is something that is that important to say. That's what I'd do if I had that problem.

Oh boy have I seen this happen with me. I figure I might as well get a Ph.D in clinical psychology and accept it.

This^^^^^

I think we are too dependent on virtual communication. The only way to truly get to know someone is by talking to them in person or on the phone. Texting, email and the like are great for supplimenting a relationship but interpersonal communication is best for making it grow.

Aspies making phone calls???

God forbid!

I know, right? Lol my Aspie friend NEVER picks up the phone. We email and text a lot but we see each other a lot as well. I've talked to him on the phone twice!

I can confirm this. I developed a great friendship with someone in high school mainly via instant message (she went to a different school in the area). When I ultimately asked her out and when we went on a date, we could not communicate very well at all because we had very little interpersonal communication outside of pure text and emoticons.

Personally, I like texting or IM-ing as a means of conveying little pieces of information that are necessary to save or are very short-lived, but full-blown conversations deserve verbal conversation IMO.

I'm having a sort of online LDR with another Aspie and when that happens it bothers me a bit, though I try not to read anything into it and put it down to that maybe the topic I bring up isn't something she's familiar with. I'm fine to leave it for the time being since we don't seem to run out of things to talk about, and I can 'pretend I didn't hear' when she talks about her exes. To be fair I don't talk about my exes unless asked.

While solitude is indeed an option for the ladies, I've had my fill of it and then some, speaking as a guy. I'll prefer the roller coaster ride of infatuation since it takes me away from lonely-land for a while anyway.