Any other guys "dropping out" of dating completely

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I'm in my mid 30's, I'm going back to college in september (ha) and I have a previous college education. I'm not a virgin nor am I shy around women but the past 12 years has been very tough for me. I have been involuntary celibate the whole time. I'm not tall, hunky, masculine-looking or handsome so I have that 4-pronged stigma going against me.

I'm just having an awful time meeting single women. I tried online dating, I got 3 responses in 2 years out of hundreds of e-mails sent. This is to average girls, not stunners I've been browsing askwomen and I've gotten really depressed from what I read. They said a man isn't supposed to approach a woman anymore ever and it's basically harassment. Not work, not a bar, not the gym, not in a coffee shop, not on public transportation, not in public, not in school. I feel so ashamed of trying now. I didn't know this was how women felt. They said the only acceptable place is hobby clubs. The two hobby clubs I've been in the past few years was an indoor soccer class which was 100% men and an cycling club which had exactly 3 women, all of whom were taken. So I don't really have an outlet for meeting women. Yes I will start college soon but I know most women will be 16-22 years of age and I'll be 'too old' for them or the 'creepy old guy'. I have tried talking to waitresses serving coffee in the local coffee shops but I get the same old not interested or they are already taken.

I read, I go to the gym, I'm up-to-date on films, I go cycling, I go exploring and love flea markets. I've bettered myself as much as I can I believe including a whole new wardrobe (still working at lowering my bodyfat to sub 18%), but I feel maybe I'm just not good enough looking for the women out there. I almost feel like I need to be an exceptional superman to find an average woman. I don't mind rejection, I've been rejected in the past in college by nerdy girls, religious girls, black girls, flat girls, homely girls, asian girls, blondes etc. My standards aren't crazy high. I just never approach fat chicks as I have no ability for sexual arousal with fat women. Please don't say 'lower your standards and give the fat girls a chance' because its just not possible for me.

I don't mind being alone so much, I've adopted to the hermit life, but part of me wants children pretty badly someday, but I don't know if it's even worth the effort anymore. I feel there's something missing and it is raising a family and having a significant other. I get very lonely.

I was thinking of maybe relocating abroad were the women seem less hung up on height, hunky bodies and masculine faces, because that's all you need it seems for English women to love you these days. I would absolutely consider a mail-order bride if nothing has changed afterwords.

Any advice ladies and gentlemen?

this is me btw if you want to evaluate my looks: http://oi45.tinypic.com/332v4lt.jpg

This is a welcome development.

Too bad it's not true.

I don't think you're bad-looking, but maybe when you said you were disappointed to only hear from "average" women, that's your problem. The fact that you would even think in terms of "stunners vs. average" indicates that you have a problem.

Maybe you should keep less up to date on movies and media. Not being exposed so much to media might help you develop a healthier attitude. That doesn't mean going for "fat" women unless your standards for "fat" are unreasonable.

I wasn't disappointed by average women. They never replied back to my emails! Average-looking girls were my targets for online dating as I feel goodlooking girls probably get 100 of messages a week. I would love to have an average looking girlfriend. I'm afraid you misunderstood.

*insert some comment about how women don't like negative men and you need to be more positive even though lack of success with women made you negative, which happened because you're negative, so you just need to be more positive and then women will like you.*

I believe that's the correct response.

I dunno, I've not so much dropped out as not ever really tried.

You're still young, Knives. I bet if you tried you'd do alright.

As for the OP, your generic advice is spot on! The OP looks like a bit of a stud actually which leads me to believe that he has other issues than his looks (high standards, low self image, pessimissim to name a few.)

Now that I look better my pessimistic and jaded attitude scares women off slightly less. If you can't change one thing, change the other.

I've heard this, but it's only a small group of ultra-feminists.

If you think she looks average, she probably won't want to go out with you. I know that if I were single and asked out by a guy I would want him to at least think I was pretty, or even really pretty (which I'm not in my opinion, but I've been called that before by a guy or two) I wouldn't want to go out with a guy who thought I was just average. I'd want him to approach me because I'm what he wants not because I fall in the middle of the two extremes and he thinks that I would go out with him because I'm not too good looking.

Pretty awesome that you've spent some serious time & effort to improve yourself and continue to do so intellectually & physically - keep all of that up most def.

I've bolded the problem as I see it. The problem is that you don't feel you're good enough (because you don't think you're good enough, as thoughts dictate emotions.) & thus you don't have a high sense of self worth and don't portray yourself as confident. It's difficult to quantify & qualify "confidence," vs. just knowing it when you see it, but I do believe this is the root of your problem. People are attracted to confidence. If you're truly confident, it's like some sort of metaphysical charisma magnet that just draws others to you & they're enchanted by you and will almost come under your spell and do whatever it is you'd like them to. Sure, that sounds manipulative, and sometimes it is, but it's not really. It's not magic.. it's science - a bit of social science, I suppose, and perhaps a dash of the metaphysical.. but if you're putting off truly confident vibes because you think & feel great about yourself, others will take notice of that and you won't have such a difficult time attracting them, gaining their interest, and then moving forward with a date or two or ten. If your thoughts & feelings are that you're inferior, then your actions will align themselves with them and you'll portray yourself via body language, voice, facial expressions etc as lacking self confidence and will be passed over time and time again until you can overcome that. Take a look at the next guys you see chatting up some woman successfully, chances are they will have physical & other imperfections - as no one is perfect - but they come across as very confident in themselves, and that's attractive to others, because without a proper balanced sense of self worth (not arrogance) then how can someone else expect to be treated well by you if you can't even treat yourself with the respect you deserve? How can you be a successful mate, procreation partner, financial provider etc w/o being having a firm sense of self worth? It's next to impossible. Add in working on these aspects to the self improvement regime you're already working on and things will start coming together better, then when your thoughts about yourself change, so will your feelings, and finally your outward actions that others perceive all of these inner things through via subtle social cues most of us Aspies can be virtually oblivious to at times.. but think about it, you've seen confident people before, and now you'll notice them when you're specifically looking for them.. take mental note of their actions, reverse engineer it to what they must feel & believe about themselves in order to portray such outward confidence, and back one step further to what their thoughts must be - then, slowly but surely, learn to do those things for yourself, starting with what you think and the rest will fall into place.

First of all, most women do prefer the men doing the approaching. You can meet women in various places, it's mainly a question about how one goes about it. Based on all that you have written, I think your main problem really is about your level if confidence. If you are very nervous or apologetic about talking to someone, it doesn't give a very positive impression of you, I'm afraid. You really should have more faith in yourself and not be afraid of not being enough of this or that before even talking to a girl.

Based on the picture, you look very attractive by the way

I'm in my early 30s and I never went out with a guy that didn't ask me out first. So you still have to pursue but look for the signs the woman you're pursuing is interested.

Honestly I always wanted to be treated special by the guys I dated. Like I was pretty and someone they desired to spend time with. A bit of romance never hurt either.

to OP, are you eccentric or have an eccentric personality, You sound similiar to me, always talking to wide variety of women,
but never get any where with them.
But any ways, good luck on your search.

If a wide variety of women are willing to talk to you, I bet you are just missing their flirting signals.

I don't know what flirting signals are.

Have you tried dating websites? That could clear out at least some of the uncertainty for you.

Yes, I have, all they say is have confidence and go after bar girls.