oh... your married, yet again.

Post Reply New Topic

why everytime I met an awesome woman, who has a great personality, common interest, laid back personality, can carry on conversation,
why do they always have to be married or have a boyfriend. every time, every f time,
I met 3 great women, that not long ago. All have live in boyfriends.
I met a geeky girl, who like the same stuff I do, nope she married.
Met an autism girl, who loves to talk, nope she has a boyfriend.

yes, I can talk to woman just fine, in fact, I have no trouble talking to most women. it's just they are always married.
or at least every 23 and older I talk to, and 90% of women between 19-22.

Being in an existing relationship tends to bring out the best in people, including their confidence. They also feel secure enough to really let themselves shine. They have the relationship question settled for themselves, so they don't even have to think about who they might be attracting that they might or might not want to get involved with; they can just be themselves, and be open and friendly. And if anyone becomes attracted, they don't have to say "no thanks," all they have to say is "sorry, I'm taken." Simplifies things a lot!

Just remember that when you find someone who's a match for you, you will be the reason they feel like that, except you will also be the one they're saying yes to.

I like Theta's answer.

Thanks!

I just realized, this is pretty straightforward, but I forgot to make the connection,

The traits in my first post are probably what are attracting you AND making them so outgoing and easy to talk to. That was the point of saying that, don't know how I left that out.

What I do now, is whenever I come across a trait that I really like in someone who's unavailable, which really attracts me, I adopt some version of it for myself which fits me. That way I'm learning about how to attract the kind of girl I'm really attracted to.

OP, I notice you mentioned that the Autistic girl really likes to talk, and you like that. I'm the same way, I'm looking for a conversational bookish NT or Aspie. You have good taste.

Nah, Bill. Don't change your behaviour around specific people. That would be fake and only lead to disappointing others. Instead of faking good behaviour look at actually adjusting it around all people, not specific groups to appease them.

Theta's answer rocks, BTW! Unless every girl you meet is saying she's taken I'd listen to it. When they are ALL saying they're taken then you have problems.

You're

The older it gets, the tougher it becomes I guess, that's the one benefit about using dating websites, speed dating or going to singles nights, at least you know everyone is going to be looking for someone.

I was married but got divorced!

Man, this is a hard, hard feeling to deal with. Believe me I know.

Here is my experience, and what I've felt.

I've encountered so many people, who just grab me with both hands with their intelligence, their looks, their personality, their integrity. I meet them and feel instant infatuation and excitement over the possibilities...until I see that wedding band, or learn she's engaged or in a long term committed relationship.

It really is a devastating realization. Because in an instant, a possible future has been killed in utero. For a brief moment there seemed grand new possibilities, and all that is swept away as I know I have no chance, that she has chosen another.

And it raises all kinds of questions. I start to compare myself to the guy she's dating or married to, and wonder, "What does he have that I don't?" Is he smarter, stronger, better looking, wealthier, more successful, more charming, more humorous, more adept sexually. More, more more, it's all about quantitative comparisons in which I come out as deficient and lacking.

And it brings up all kinds of fears for the future. I wonder if there are any great people left, or are they all taken? If I was going to find someone wouldn't it have happened by now? Why am I still alone, while everyone else seems to be finding someone? Why can't there be someone beautiful and smart and ambitious who chooses me? What if the fault is entirely our own, and there IS NO ONE?

As far as answers? I wish I had them. Because honestly I still remember every near miss and never was. I guess that's one of the curses of autism. We tend to form strong connections really quickly. I can remember everyone, and I still wonder what my life would be like if I had been what they wanted.

What I've tried to arrive at, beyond all my past negativity and loneliness and despair, is there are two options, which aren't mutually exclusive. The first is you acknowledge the possibility you will always be alone, and learn instead to love life as it is, and try to make it a rich one. The second is to keep trying. I won't lie, the odds are slim of you or me or any of us finding love, but if we give up, the odds are zero. So we have to take the slim chance, because it's all we've got.

I for one am still looking. I've not found anyone yet, and I doubt I ever will. I just don't think I have anything a woman would find desirable. But I'll keep looking in the hopes that I one day find a woman who does deem me worthy, and when that happens, I'll do everything I can to be the perfect mate. Until then I just keep at it, and try to enjoy life best I can.

I hope this helps in some way.

It's multiple things.

People who are in relationships tend to relax and be more open and fun. Why they don't do this when they are single is beyond me? Single girls seem to act like they have a machine gun aimed at you.

Also, that may be their true personality, and thus, as a highly desirable set of traits, they are more likely to attract mates.