Can he really be an aspie?
I apologize if you find this question naive or offensive.
I'm just trying to understand more asperger because this guy who is interested in me
is an aspie. He brought it up when explaining why he sometimes panicked about us dating.
I'm aware that the spectrum is complex and not everybody express it the same way. But still I find it bewildering to believe.
He is very affectionate, loves kissing and hugging. He seems to understand sarcasm pretty well and is often sarcastic himself.
He likes going out to nightclubs and loves partying and getting drunk.
Guess my question is, can all those things be found in a person with asperger?
How are we going to decide that if you only mention the things that to you are incompatible with being autistic?
We can drink as much as any other person, though to many nightclubs are annoying because of sensory and/or social reasons. We can be affectionate. Lots of autistics are hypersexual (and asexual), for that matter. We can be sarcastic but it might get missed by NTs that ironically do not understand sarcasm if the don't get the expected facial-/body language clues. Many autistic adults do not have the limitations autistic kids have.
I don't understand why he thought AS was a reason to get panicked about dating. In what way?
You should read up on what the actual "symptoms" are and look for those instead. We are all individuals.
Anomiel,
To your first question: I have no idea. That's why I'm asking in the first place. I wanted to know if those things are completely incompatible or not necessarily.
Second question: He has been struggling to overcome his last relationship. He feels like he unwillingly caused a great deal of pain to his ex, because he couldn't tell when he offended him or not.
He didn't want to get to close to me because he was afraid I couldn't handle a relation with him. But now he wants to go for it.
To your first question: I have no idea. That's why I'm asking in the first place. I wanted to know if those things are completely incompatible or not necessarily.
Second question: He has been struggling to overcome his last relationship. He feels like he unwillingly caused a great deal of pain to his ex, because he couldn't tell when he offended him or not.
He didn't want to get to close to me because he was afraid I couldn't handle a relation with him. But now he wants to go for it.
Hm. If he says whatever he thinks (as many aspies do) and those thoughts are mean/judgy/whatever it's a problem with what he thinks, not what he says. So the issue there isn't about AS. Unless he's not mean and it's about meaningless social-games stuff that only can be constructed as offensive for NTs. But it doesn't sound like that by wondering if you can handle it or not.
An example of something that wasn't meant offensive but could be taken so is me telling you to read up on symptoms, which was an advice, but as NTs (and sometimes aspies) communication is many-layered it could be seen as an insult if you'd think it meant something else than that the literal meaning, and NTs sugarcoat things that could possibly be taken in a bad way as they are aware(/care) of the possibility it could be offensive. I don't know if this is the kind of thing your guy talks about, but if so he shouldn't worry so much
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