Critique my OKCupid round 3 (or is it 4 now)

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I'm trying to take to heart the feedback and suggestions I've gotten here on how to improve myself and make myself more worthy.

I've made a bunch of updates to my OKCupid. More photos, more details about me and my life and my likes and so forth. I'm really striving to sell myself as an ambitious guy who's driven to succeed. I'm trying to sell myself as a sure winner, and a viable companion. Trying to basically convey that I am a worthy person, worthy of consideration and getting a reply to my messages. I hope to convince people that I have what it takes to merit someone's love.

[Note, I made a lot of revisions, feedback still really needed!]



OKCupid Profile Updated

Last edited by Brianruns10 on 08 May 2013, 10:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Ok, I would love to see it.

My first advice is...wayyyy too long! What I read (I didn't read all of it) sounded pretty good, but needs to be reduced about 80-90%. You can let people know all that extra stuff when you message them or on dates, but there's no need to include it all in your profile because very few will read all of it. I'd probably recommend as a general guideline no more than 1-2 paragraphs per subsection. Having a huge profile like that is going to intimidate or scare off a lot of people who otherwise may have been very good matches for you.

Also, it's hard to really get a feel for what you look like from your "main" photo (the thumbnail one on top of your profile), I'd keep it but make another one your main photo (maybe one of the running ones, or the one at the dinner table, if you do some creative cropping)

The link is in my thread...the part that says Profile Link....

You're alright, Brian, but no one is going to read an essay on a dating site to find that out.
Too long, didn't read.

Try finding ways to compact what you have to say about yourself into a few bold, meaningful sentences.

Really, reduce it by THAT much you think? I worry that's not enough to make a good impression? I really want to try and impress and wow prospective people with a sense of what I'm trying to do, so hopefully they'll be willing to give me a shot. It's just so hard to paint a portrait in such a small span. My problem is I know I'm not very good looking, and in fact I'm pretty ugly with a silly body that's just as unappealing, but if I can show people what's beneath the surface, what I have to offer despite my ugliness, then maybe they'll forgive my flaws and give me a shot, don't you think?

you're nice-looking.

I worry about that you don't allow for a long-term relationship option in whom you're searching for. I think most women would choose to have that as a possibility.

Fixed that, no prob. Whatever it takes to find someone, I'll do it

Think of your profile like a resume. It's a short document meant to sell yourself quickly and make someone want to learn more about you. The limit for a resume is typically a page, I'd say use a similar length limit here. You want to sell yourself in as few words as possible, so someone can quickly glance over your profile in 30sec to a minute and say "he seems like someone I'd like to know more about". Too much longer and reading it becomes a chore, and for the busy they may not have the time and just pass it up. Not to mention, if you don't reveal all the little details in your profile, it leaves all of those areas as great topics for either messages or during initial dates.

I think that if you limit your self-summary and what I'm doing with life sections to 2 paragraphs each, and maybe only list 2/3 of your favorites in each category in the "favorite _____" section, it would be a good length overall. Learn to condense and simplify without distorting your message. You can easily shorten it this much without significantly changing the overall content, simply by leaving out some of the superfluous language and details that don't really add very much for the reader. Make each and every word have a purpose!

First few paragraphs (My Self-summary) can be reduced to:

What I'm doing with my life:

I'm really good at:

The first things people usually notice about me:

Favorite books, movies, music, shows and food:

Six things that I can't live without:

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

You should message me if:



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Whew! Try that, in that format. It's all the info you already gave. I barely reworded it. It's seriously snipped right down and rearranged.

Your pictures
My only other advice would be keep the main pic you have now as your main pic. It makes you look adventurous and shows you at your best in what you do. It's an opportunity for them to ask where you were and what you were doing there.

Remove ALL your running pics. They aren't very flattering, and you can bring up your triumphs in runnnng in conversation instead.

Your personality
Is there any way you can edit or hide this? Less sex driven will scare away even the girls that are more conservative in their views about intercourse. Everyone has needs, but they don't need to be discussed right away. You're only eliminating your chances by showing this for many reasons which I'd be happy to discuss should you feel it's a problem.

Wow thanks for going the extra mile here. But do you think my personality gets lost in the translation? I feel I can be a real winner if I can get across what I have on the inside, to make up for all my exterior flaws.

Okay I heavily modified my profile. Do you guys and gals think it's better? Does my personality come through? Do I come off as someone who is worthy?

OKCupid Profile Updated

lol, Those pics remind me of why I don't wear my glasses in public not even while driving. If my vision was bad enough to require corrective-lenses all the time I'd get contact lenses.

Your choice of clothes in running pics aren't flattering.

The shirt is bit baggy and the tight red short is...a no.

and the guy behind you in the last pic looks way more 'cool' and sporty than you while you appear awkwardly running and gasping.

I am sorry if this sounds shallow, but the pics are the most important, and you WILL be instantly compared to the 'cool' guy running there.


Remove them.

I'm really that bad you think? You're right. I know I'm an ugly guy in a worthless body. I mean I know deep down I'm good and have good things to offer, but the packaging I've got sucks. Everything out of proportion and all quite ugly. I guess I just hoped that showing some running photos, I could convince somebody I'm viable, that despite my ugliness I'm actually a really good athlete, and I'm worthy of somebody's attention.

What can I do? How can I convince somebody to forgive my myriad outer flaws, and see me for what I have going on inside?

Brian, do NOT remove those pictures, bud. This is strange coming from another guy, but you know what? You look like a handsome guy to me. If women are not able to see that, that's their problem, not yours. Believe me, I am right where you are. I too have a lot of good things inside me as well, it will take a very long time, but I am going to remain hopeful, as I hope you will as well, that we both will find a special lady when we least expect it. I think she's out there, we just haven't met her yet, either of us. Your profile is okay with me!