How can you get a girlfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?

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DailyPoutine1
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30 Apr 2015, 10:23 pm

Polyamory and cheating should be punished.



sly279
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01 May 2015, 12:32 am

androbot01 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Its like as if women are the only sex that are actually entitled, owed a date, relationship, etc.


autismthinker21 wrote:
Women are so full of crap that, they make the whole world leave the planet.


Wow ... I can feel the love.

Women are no more entitled to sex and relationships than men.

Women are really not that different than men.


idk many think they are entitled to the perfect man one richer, thinner, and better looking then them.
all cause they have a vagina and boobs. only makes sense then that a guy with all that feels he is entitled to lots of hot women. self feeding cycle.



sly279
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01 May 2015, 12:33 am

DailyPoutine1 wrote:
Polyamory and cheating should be punished.


why . if 10 women want to be with one guy just let them. though I find it hard to beleive they'd get the same relationship a 1 on 1 would but whatever. cheating is punished generally.



WantToHaveALife
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01 May 2015, 2:33 am

androbot01 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Its like as if women are the only sex that are actually entitled, owed a date, relationship, etc.


autismthinker21 wrote:
Women are so full of crap that, they make the whole world leave the planet.


Wow ... I can feel the love.

Women are no more entitled to sex and relationships than men.

Women are really not that different than men.


well men get criticized more than women do for having a sense of entitlement in their mind, it's like life, society, culture, reality, expects men to be the one that "earns" things in life more than women do, hence that is why they always annoyingly argue that in childhood, in order to teach boys how to be men, they talk about teaching them how to be responsible, meanwhile when raising girls in childhood? they don't need to be taught how to be responsible.



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06 May 2015, 8:34 pm

sly279 wrote:
LyraLuthTinu wrote:
ImmenseLoad wrote:
I see some people on this forum who are aspies saying they have a wife or a girlfriend but what I want to ask is how? Are those men's wives/girlfriends the bottom of the barrel so to speak? I just don't see any normal woman being attracted to a person with aspergers unless he has model good looks or has money like bill gates.

I just don't see any decent looking woman being interested in me due to me not having anything in common with anybody else and due to my dysfunctions in emotional expression in speach and body language.


That's just rude.

The first, last, and most important thing you need to do is this:

Get it through your head that women are not objects that men get. Women at the "bottom of the barrel" to use your grotesquely chauvinistic words are not consolation prizes for inadequate men. Lose the worldview that men are people and women are "other." Women are people. Men and women who get to know eachother as people stand a chance at having mutually satisfying romantic relationships. Men who view women as objects to acquire, the prettiest one is the best status symbol, will never be anything but jerkwad players.

Grow up and think with your brain instead of your gonads.



what about the women who only view men as a wallet and status symbol?


SlyFox, that's rude too (obviously). People are people and should be loved and respected for their humanity first, last and always.


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You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Official diagnosis: Austism Spectrum Disorder Level One, without learning disability, without speech/language delay; Requiring Support


sly279
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07 May 2015, 1:28 am

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
SlyFox, that's rude too (obviously). People are people and should be loved and respected for their humanity first, last and always.

true, but it so rarely happens anymore. :( actually makes me wish I didn't treat people as people but instead for that they make or have. at least then I'd be more normal.



WantToHaveALife
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07 May 2015, 2:11 pm

Good thing there are Dating Coaches/Consultants in this generation, for example, if you have seen the movie with Will Smith "Hitch", then you'll know what I'm talking about



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07 May 2015, 6:32 pm

Sheerboredom wrote:
It's really not that difficult:
1. Find a girl.
2. Introduce yourself
3. Be a cool cat.
4. (Optional) Find a common interest
5. Ask her out.
If you get rejected well repeat until you get a girlfriend. It is not an overnight process though.


Easy for you to say buddy. Counting in all of the variables, the probability of me getting a girlfriend in 2015 is around 1 in 50.



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11 May 2015, 3:20 am

Konnect Life wrote:
MacDragard wrote:
The simple answer to your question: They just do it.

If you really want a girlfriend/wife, you would get one. Judging by your post however, I'm not convinced that you REALLY want one because you're convinced that you're not good enough or you don't deserve it, and you're using this aspergers thing as an excuse to not go for what you really want assuming that's what you really want. Otherwise, nothing would stop you.





So, As I've been going through this topic, I've seen an INCREDIBLE AMOUNT of reply posts that puss me off, mainly because it shows how much people are incapable of understanding what it's like to have to deal with aspergers and the problems it causes. The ignorance towards aspergers and the people who are ignorant enough to think it's an "excuse" just because they themselves don't understand or have to deal with certain issues EXTREMELY posses me off, and it's people like that who cause other people to kill themselves or attempt suicide. It's not like those people who say things like that care, because to them, any problem they don't understand or think is a big deal is no big deal, so everyone should magically just get over it or solve it in some simple magical way.

I can't believe anyone would, or could, in their right mind, get in here, see people frustrated, struggling, and desperately looking for answers; ANY answers to solve a problem and reply by accusing them of using the disorder that has been crippling them as an excuse THEN have the oddacity to say if you really wanted it, then you would get it.

I seriously cannot believe I saw that because no matter how much I try to understand it, I cannot see how that could make any sense. If it were that easy then why are so many people putting in the time and effort to create a profile to start or reply to this topic when they could've just magically fixed the problem by wanting something then getting what they want?


THEN,

this person has the nerve to pretty much criticize someone for feeling bad about themselves, basically telling them that the fact that they feel bad will only cause them to have LESS success. Never mind trying to understand what happened in their life to get them to that point where they feel bad or ever try to support and encourage them.

WOW.

But I'm not surprised because it's the people like this who bully and tease or put others down for being different or not living up to their standards of how things should be or how people should act and ruin lives with their hurtful words AND THEN criticize people for feeling bad about themselves.

It also pisses me off to see someone say that if you really wanted it then nothing would stop you. Maybe if people could just be themselves and be accepted instead of majority normal society creating all the rules on how things should be and rejecting, bullying and teasing everyone who doesn't follow those rules, things would be easier for men with aspergers.

Maybe if words like "creepy," "stalkerish," and "awkward" weren't thrown at guys who are already struggling, then yes, maybe it would be much easier for guys with aspergers or any other developmental or social disorder to just get out there and magically get what they want.

Not to mention the fact that the men who are natural at attracting women have no problems getting women, so, of course, they are naturally confident. MEANWHILE, the men who have challenges and try to learn from those who have natural skills are accused of manipulating and all sorts of crap and are criticized for trying to learn.

What kind of sense does this make? So, someone who does something naturally, it's ok, but when someone learns to do the EXACT SAME THINGS, all the sudden it's manipulating?

And yes, I did see the posts about learning PUA tactics and the people criticizing it. What's funny about that is that people criticize it, but those same things they are teaching are the EXACT SAME THINGS that women are attracted to, and since I go by REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE rather than what people wish to convince themselves to believe, I will continue to do what I've personally seen PROVEN TO WORK as oppose to silly crap like "just be yourself" or "be nice" and crap like that. Any intelligent person would realize that if just being yourself really worked in the first place, then you would never be in a situation where you had to be told to just be yourself in the first place!

ALSO

if just being yourself means being the type of guy who isn't good with women, then how the ---- is "just being yourself" going to help?

I swear, people need to THINK more often before they speak or judge others. I get criticized all the time for thinking too much and told I need to change...etc. Well, I truly believe that if more people used their brains more often then more than half of the unnecessary problems in the world, including these dating problems and the bullying, teasing, and criticizing of those who are different, would be solved. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't even have to be sitting here responding to a post like this (and the other ones I'm about to get to...!).

If more people used their brains, then less women would be attracted to jerks more women would stop rejecting the nice guys or guys who are different or have human problems and more men who have self control would stop choosing to be jerks or as*holes and doing other things to cause unnecessary problems.

THINK ABOUT IT.

I could go on, but I think I've made my point clear, despite the fact that this is just a BRIEF SUMMARY of everything I could say here.

If just being yourself really worked for everyone, then everyone would just be themselves because they wouldn't be put in situations where they felt that they had to change. I think that statement alone makes more sense than "if you really wanted something then you would make it happen." I bet if anyone acted on that advice it would suddenly be called rape. And lastly, the fact that you can't even feel bad or have low self esteem itself shows that you can't just be yourself. If just being yourself and making things happen was the solution, then no one would have low self esteem or feel bad in the first place.


God, I love this post!! Thank you! If I hear that dating should be "natural" one more freaking time, I swear! That's what Aspies do because we have to--use logic to LEARN how to be "natural." Anyone who says that crap should seriously do some research on AS--in which case why are they on this site?! Argh!



Mistermist
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11 May 2015, 3:37 am

Konnect Life wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
ForeverAloneVirgin wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
ForeverAloneVirgin wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
First and foremost, this "PUA" (Pick-up Artist) BS will not get you a girlfriend. It might get you laid, but you will not find a long-term relationship this way.


Well yes casual sex is the is the point of PUA. Although learning how to be confident and comfortable with yourself can get you a girlfriend; the majority of PUAs do not want one.


You do not become confident in yourself or comfortable with yourself by "learning" how to manipulate women into being attracted to you. No wonder men have so many issues these days..


Your confidence would increase regardless.
If you are using scripted routines then no you wouldn't become more comfortable with yourself. You will become more comfortable when you move past the basics and work on your natural game.


You're not making any point.. Your "natural game"? What the hell is that? You mean being yourself, and confident in that? That requires no PUA s**t.
I can't believe I'm actually replying to this crap. .


If you or anyone cannot understand the point being made here, then please continue to read it over and over again until you get it because IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

Another thing that pisses me off BIG TIME is when people accuse those who are simply learning the skills that other people naturally have of manipulating. How the ---- does this make sense? If the person with natural skills and the one who learned the skills are both doing the same things, then how is it suddenly and magically wrong when someone is learning it manually as opposed to doing the same things naturally?

And yes, PUA material CAN bring confidence. The same way learning how to drive better can make you more confident with driving, learning how to intervier better can make you more confident about finding employment, and studying can make you more confident about a test, PUA can make you more confident about approaching women, starting conversations and attracting them.

I can't believe I actually have to spell this crap out!

It all goes back to my first post where I said if more people would think and use their brains more often instead of being simple minded and accusing others who think of thinking too much, then many unnecessary problems would be solved.

Why the ---- do people feel the need to learn PUA anyway? Why do PUA instructors make so much money? Because all men cannot just be themselves. If that weren't true, then the words creepy, awkward, stalkerish, weird, and whatever other labels that are created and thrown at people who are already struggling and just trying to get things right would not exist. If it weren't that you had to be perfect in texting (can't text too much or too little or respond the wrong way) or with words or psychically and magically just know what to do with women and get things right all the time without risking everything that could have been simply because of a little mess up, then people wouldn't have to use or learn PUA tactics.

But, until people use their brains and realize that people are the way they are for a reason and no one is perfect and learn to accept and HELP people for who they are instead of bullying, teasing, rejecting and criticizing those who are different or trying to learn, there will ALWAYS be the need for people to learn and use PUA.

And, in addition to that, I did manage to find a girlfriend with PUA - after a previous 12 to 13 years of having no success with women just being a kind hearted, soft spoken "nice guy" who speaks proper and doesn't use slang and do all the stuff that natural bad boys do that bring them amazing success with women.

Therefore, real life experience has PROVEN that these methods work and since I go by REAL LIFE RESULTS as oppose to hearsay, I will not waste time arguing with anyone who tries to convince me otherwise just because they don't wish to admit or believe that this stuff actually works. If it didn't work, then the business wouldn't be successful, lol. Think about it. Never mind my personal real life results or seeing my friends who are naturally like this have massive success with females.

Yes, I hate the fact that these tactics work and that I have to change myself in order to be more accepted and attractive, but I am not going to sit here and rdicule PUA just because I don't like the fact that it works and that's just the way it is.

And, if I am taking something I'm learning and making it a natural part of my personality then using what I've learned to improve myself and get results I've always desired, then how am I wrong or being fake? If that's the case, I might as well had dropped out of school or any classes where I learned anything to get better at something. I guess I manipulate hring managers because I once took some interviewing courses to improve my job seeking skills. I guess I manipulate the media or audiences because I took acting classes to improve acting skills, etc.

I mean, think about it.

THINK about the bs you accuse people of before you make the accusition.


If I want to research and learn PUA to improve my skills and find new interesting ways to make myself more attractive, then I will. Once I see the results I desire from taking what I've learned and making it a natural part of my personality, my confidence will, indeed, increase, and isn't that what all of you criticizers here wanted in the first place - someone with higher confidence not letting a label hold them back?

Ok, then I should be able to "fix myself" the way I CHOOSE to do so, not YOUR way. After all, I'm already being required to follow enough of your rules to be accepted. At least let me choose the path I wish to take to improve myself enough for you to accept me and get around the label I'm using to hold myself back.


Smh[/quo

Oh no, taking classes is perfectly acceptable! You know why this self improvement isn't considered "ok" by society? Because they literally cannot FATHOM not having these skills naturally, and so therefore if you are trying to learn them then you must be "manipulating." Typical NT type comment. Because they are so spoiled and everything comes so easy, to them it's like the equivalent of an adult taking a class in handwriting for preschoolers--what, are you trying to fake/manipulate? See what I mean? It comes so easy from their comfy spot, therebut be "no other explanation." I have asked Nts these types of questions when they have brought up the "manipulating" thing ("Why would you think I was manipulating? Have I ever once manipulated or lied to you before?" "Well no." "Well, I guess it just seems like there is no way an adult wouldn't know that. . ." Aha.) and so their assumptions that have nothing to do w us get dumped on us.



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11 May 2015, 4:40 am

Mistermist wrote:
Another thing that pisses me off BIG TIME is when people accuse those who are simply learning the skills that other people naturally have of manipulating. How the ---- does this make sense? If the person with natural skills and the one who learned the skills are both doing the same things, then how is it suddenly and magically wrong when someone is learning it manually as opposed to doing the same things naturally?


It's all quite simple: PUA is NT s--t, and therefore not something you want to learn AT ALL. Not in the natural NT way, nor in a fake way. As an Aspie / neurodiverse person you want to use YOUR natural way of forming relationships, not copying NTs. Because even if you learn to perfect copying NTs and PUA, all you would have achieved is a fake personality, and a relationship built on being fake.

Simple as that.



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12 May 2015, 10:49 am

Oh, I already have my fake personality and even that one isn't fake enough. Ha! My point was not even really so much about PUA stuff though I think that's okay, really just more that it's okay to learn social skills in general, that they don't have to be natural. and I think that should be the focus of autism awareness, not just okay yeah very obvious things like handflapping etc and it exists--but okay yes, these people may need explicit instructions and need to actually learn social skills EXplicitly vs implicitly and that is perfectly acceptable. Just think, can you imagine a world where one of us says--uhhhh what is a good response here? Remember I have Aspergers. And the person says "oh! Okay!" And then just answers the question. No crap to listen to, no opinions on how we are terrible for needing to learn. God. That would be like heaven!



AlexanderDantes
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12 May 2015, 11:21 am

Mistermist wrote:
Oh, I already have my fake personality and even that one isn't fake enough.


Don't make the mistake of wearing a mask of deception or ingenuity, leading a double life won't bring you the acceptance you seek..

There is no shame in admitting that you have Autism but you have to make sure that the attraction and comfort exists first. It isn't the best idea to tell someone straight away unless they have a positive portrayal of you.



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13 May 2015, 12:36 am

That one I was quoted on wasn't me, though. But yes, that's what I do exactly. It sounds good in theory and they say oh okay, no problem! And I try to be very detailed--the issue is not that. It's that (and I've asked before) they didn't understand that it was THAT big of an issue and how much it affected everyday life--until they were in it. One actually said that he just didn't understand that HE would respond so poorly to it, because there's no way to know. You have to remember, they're first timers to this, it's like saying I know what I would do if I were on my deathbed--they don't actually KNOW how they will handle it. At this point, the fake me is so ingrained by practice I dont even know I'm doing it anymore, it IS natural now. Lol



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13 May 2015, 12:42 am

And you're right, there is no shame. I'm slowly getting there. I actually learned by mimicking/developing my "scripts" for how to interact lonnnnng before I realized that I'm Aspergers. I didn't know why I didn't know how to act--it just was. It just came naturally to mimic and learn with logic. I thought everybody did that until recently! Lol!



Pabalebo
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13 May 2015, 7:53 pm

Same way as you can get a girlfriend if you don't have Aspergers Syndrome, I expect... just it's a bit more difficult


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