I feel too bossy, but my boyfriend is terrible at planning

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Basically I'm always the one making arrangements for dates and keeping track of general logistic stuff. They always turn out great when I plan them, but I feel like I'm too bossy and I don't give him enough input. When I try to get him more involved in the planning process, it takes him the entire day to respond to very simple questions such as what date/what time/where to. Basically when I remove myself from the planning role, there's this huge void. The last time I let him control things, we ended up trying to find a climbing wall that hasn't been in use for years. After we figured that out, he tried to take me to a nonexistent frisbee golf place. We finally ended up at this weird "mystical" book store where they sell all sorts of BS like tarot cards and healing rocks, whatever those are. I ended up just sitting there while he read a magazine that he brought with him. We could've just avoided the whole 20-mile excursion and did that at home.

I feel like this is very one-sided, with me coordinating things and him basically just going along with it. I try to listen to what he wants to do, but he just never seems to have any opinion. Should I just fill the void and feel like a control freak, or should I find some way to get him more involved? We're both aspies, and I know one of my traits is not considering other peoples' opinions, but he seems to have none.

I don't think you can change who he is.
I could see how it can be frustrating for you since you're the one who's always doing all the work, but at least he is happy to go along with your plans.
Some people would let others plan and then complain afterwards. They're the worst.

Like you say it's not something he is good at. Also since you have done all planning so far he doesn't have the experience, so that will be another reason why he isn't that great at planning stuff.

My advice to you is get him to do more planning and if that dates suck, then that's ok, just be patient. He should get better at it and also there might be places and things he will want to do with you that you wouldn't think of. If you don't let him you will miss out on those experiences.

The thing is, you guys end up on random adventures when he's deciding what to do. You need to lighten up and just go with it. If it bothers you that much, and you don't feel like he's planning well, plan yourself. In my opinion, not knowing where the heck you are tends to lead to some crazy events that are more fun than what we planned to begin with. For example: we went from New York to New Jersey to see Dream Theater; ended up in Pennsylvania because we wanted Philly cheesesteaks; and then somehow wound up at Jewish museum in the city. We didn't get home until 8 p.m. the next day because we hadn't slept for an entire night. Being random is amazing.

Do you resent the current state of affairs? Does he?
I remember my sister talking about a good friend of hers like the one you described, she said that was the main reason she didn't feel romantically attracted to him and that while she actually likes having things under control, she didn't like him being so passive about everything. So I wonder if you have similar feelings.
Also, some people are perfectly fine being followers, have you talked with him about it? What does he say? There are cases where someone wants to take the lead but is unwilling to make the necessary work that comes with it, that's a possibility.

< When he's dominant, they nag.
When he's passive, they nag.
When he's in between, they still na- >

huh? Sorry people, I was mumbling thoughts and got distracted for a moment, what was the thread abt?