The Atlantic's "Dating on the Autism Spectrum"

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Has anyone had time to read such an interesting article? Kudos to John Elder Robison and WP's own Alex Plank for their interviews!

Dating and autism don't always go together, but the article did give some good tips, including being more confident (which is something personally I've always struggled with).

I do NOT want this turning into a flame war, but I want people's take on the subject, their opinions on the the article. I still believe that we have a capacity for romance.

I also blogged a response to the article. Please check it out. As much as I need love, my blog needs it too.

link?

Click on the words "dating and autism"

And that's how I referenced to Alex's statement on "Asking for sex experiment"

Yes, a former Miss America aspie, that's a typical representative of the female aspie community. Not.

And the dating programs of course are for teens and young adults.

The biggest problems with dating are you have to sell yourself, which is one of the things aspies are worst at and you have to go on a lot of dates because the greater the number, the more likely you'll find someone.

As for me, going someplace with someone I hardly know and trying to make conversation is about as appealing as storming the beach at Normandy on D-Day.

No Miss USA's yet, but Trump doesn't go for the Miss America type. Remember the Miss Teen South Carolina and Carrie Prejean fiascos? Those I don't think happen as often at Miss America. Also, with the "beautiful people" coming on the spectrum, it makes the statement that autism is diverse more credible. I believe that autism can affect anyone, no matter how attractive you are.

Then again, I'm personally attracted to untypical Aspies ladies. They are rare, but their ability to blend in is something I'd die for. Wait a sec-I've had to tell people I'm on the spectrum, only for them to scratch their heads. I just wish I could find the ones in the Northeast.



Agreed. I don't see many Aspies who work in sales for that reason. It's just something we're not great with. And I don't know of any dating programs in my neck of the woods. California tends to be better organized in that department.



Agreed, but then again, I'm up for any challenge. You can't slow me down at all.

I know, it was just a moment of snarkiness and envy on my part because young beautiful women can usually get male attention whether they're NTs or Aspies or bipolar or downright batsh!t crazy. They may not be able to keep a relationship, but at least they get a lot of initial notice. They can sell themselves without trying, unlike the more mature, pudgy Aspies who have a hard time with facial expression. Sigh.


Do you have any GRASP meetings near you? I work when the one close to me has their monthly meeting, so I don't know how good it is. I'm lucky to be close enough to AANE in Watertown that I have an Aspie support group. But even though there are some middle-aged men there, I wouldn't want to date any of them because it would ruin the group for me if things didn't work out.

Speaking of Miss America, (off-topic sort of)

im excited that this year's pageant will return to Atlantic City in September

I want a love life (used to have that) but getting one is a nightmare of awkward "non-starters" with online dating, thus far.
No "in-person" ASD groups in my remote neck of the woods, either-population too sparse, which is an overall dating problem already.
As far as self-promotion goes, "I can't do it for love nor money"-which is one of those phrases people use offhand, but I mean it literally.

Edited-to-add: I read the article & enjoyed it, it's nice to see
adults, let alone a female, be featured-and about having a love/sex life.

The problem is that most women on the spectrum want a real relationship, while most men on it just want casual sex...

Good point. There's probably been times I've pissed off the opposite sex because I couldn't tell if her staring contest was "By the way, I want to chat. I like you."



<s>Which Watertown? I live near the one in New York, about two hours northeast, right by Malone, a place no one has heard of.<s/> Okay, somewhere in New England.

UPDATE: There's no GRASP chapter in Northern NY, and it doesn't matter as I'm moving closer to NYC in the fall. A hint where I'll be moving: it's also known as the Borscht Belt. (Irony is that I'm part Russian and part Ukrainian, but not Jewish). There's one in the Hudson Valley, albeit Kingston. Close enough. An hour's plus drive isn't going to kill me.



Where the pageant belongs. Not in LA, but in its traditional Atlantic City.



I agree, it's nice to see auties having relationships, in general, I believe auties need to be given the chance.

Also, Southern Vermont is more to civilization than north of the Adirondacks. BTW: my brother lives in Bellows Falls and works in Brattleboro. Small world, isn't it?



Probably why I'm better meant for dating a girl on the spectrum, or who has autie tendencies. I also want a relationship. Sex is nice, but the thought of meaningless sex is kind of disturbing for me.

Well, that's a perpetual challenge for men & women who *aren't* on the spectrum, too-just read any magazine cover or advice column.

I'm guessing Watertown, Mass. because it's right near where AANE has their HQ.
Watertown NY-had to look that up. Oh, it's north of Syracuse, west of Adirondack Park-yeah, that is pretty isolated-seeming.

I think Albany NY area has some organization for Asperger's/Autism, but I can't say for sure.
I used to live there, but that was a decade before I got dx'd.
I suppose living nearer NYC you'd have many more options for social life & support as well.
Indeed, except in the ways it seems like a sprawling, too spread out world-but I would see it that way, given my location.
I really like it here..other than the poor dating prospects (few people, even fewer of whom would be mutually compatible).

I think a lot more men, of all ages, want a relationship as opposed to casual sex. But I guess it isn't part of the macho culture to say so. Maybe aspies don't have as much of a problem with admitting this, which is a very attractive trait

Though there's probably a less romantic side to it. Aspies tend to love routines and hate change, so I think men too would rather have the security and routine of a relationship as opposed to casual sex.

Yes, I did mean in Mass. There tends to be a bigger grouping of autistics near Boston, probably a combination of the universities plus the High Tech corridor around Rt. 128, Boston/Burlington area. Nothing like in California, but at least a higher concentration than most of New England.

If you're moving anywhere closer to NYC, there should be more services, Asperger's Associations, GRASP chapters, etc.

Definitely. And more people in general.

Many of us would probably like casual sex to become routine.

As opposed to wanking becoming routine.