Limerence

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Limerence, according to my dictionary, is a state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically involuntary, and characterized by strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings. I've had this going on, on and off, for many, many years, and I was wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience? When I was younger, I would trick myself into believing the guy reciprocated my feelings, but now I go into it automatically assuming that he doesn't--that makes the disappointment seem less.

Right now there is this one guy. He's 7 years younger than I am and a former coworker. I haven't seen him in over 3 months and my other coworkers haven't heard from him at all, but still he lingers in my thoughts constantly--dangerous, I know, to obsess over another person. But I could never bring myself to act on how I felt--because, well, he never noticed me. It's almost as though I like the idea of being in a relationship, and all these guys I have crushes on are representative of that; but that I don't want to actually be in one. Limerence is a weird state to be in, but it always passes. Maybe all of this is because I've never been in an actual relationship?

i had them when i was a young person also, they made me feel temporarily alive. but i aged out of such.

I only strongly felt it for one person & it was the iCarly star Miranda Cosgrove. I think it started because I really lonely & desperate for a relationship for along time but had no luck & I was also recovering from the ending stages of a bad psychotic depression that I had years before that. I really liked her personality in the show, her interviews & various other things I heard about in the media. She was the one idol out there at the time who was actually wholesome & had lots of traits I liked. I became pretty obsessed & posted about it alot here at times. I never became like a stalker or anything because that seemed crazy to me & I could never come up with a plan to meet her that wouldn't seem crazy & extremely unlikely to go may way. I think part of it could of also been related to my OCD. I was very obsessed within my 1st relationship that ended years ago when I developed psychotic depression. I quit crushing on Miranda when I got in my 2nd relationship & I became very obsessed with my girlfriend too & the relationship fell apart partly because I was too clingy & needy. After it ended I started crushing on Miranda again & started taking an OCD med partly because of problems I was having getting over my 2nd relationship & then I got in my 3rd which I'm still in & I quit crushing on Miranda then. I really do love my partner but I'm not that obsessed with her compared with my two previous girlfriends & Miranda. I still love my ex girlfriends thou & know I always will but I know we're better off not in each others lives anymore & there's a sense of closure. I fell in love with Miranda too & I still love her. I'm not crushing on her now & know I cant be with her & I would never consider leaving my girlfriend even if I would somehow actually have a chance with Miranda. I may think Miranda's perfect but I know my girlfriend is perfect for me instead of Miranda. I feel guilty about Miranda I think because I don't have that sense of closure that I have with my two exes. I just kind of quit crushing on her when I got in my current & last relationship & tried to avoid/distance myself from Miranda like quit watching iCarly, quit listening to her music, left her fan websites ect. I'm starting to try to get over my guilt thou & occasionally watch eps of iCarly even despite feeling guilty because I liked the show & I missed the episodes & end of the show when I started avoiding. She will also be costarring another show that I don't know when will premier, "Girlfriend in a Coma" & it sounds like a show I may like if I could bring myself to watch without feeling too guilty. I think part of the guilt may be because I'm not obsessed with my girlfriend like I was with Miranda due to being on OCD medication. I'm not sure what I can do to get over this guilt because logically I know I'm not cheating or anything & I never would.

One more thing about limerence. When I heavily crushed on Miranda I sometimes felt like I was having some kind of drug overdose(I never took anything illegal or overdosed on anything). I got really giddy, felt like my blood pressure dropped, felt like my heart literally skipped beats, I became dizzy, felt hot & started sweating, felt really weak like I was ready to faint & collapsed a few times but never actually passed out. It's a very good thing I have a girlfriend that I love so I won't crush on Miranda or anyone else because heavily crushing might would of eventually killed me.

I've had this happen twice. I never sought reciprocity of romantic feelings, as much as a recognition and respect that I was a worthwhile person. Keeping this in mind helps me manage, because I can remind myself that they're my internal issues instead of obsessing externally or seeking validation from anyone.

It may not completely eliminate problem thoughts, but it does keep me more grounded.

Currently in the middle of it. Worse thing is, the object of my my desires is very kind to me. Makes it hard to let go. Still, the logical part of me is just happy he's kind to me. He's definitely someone I admire in a non-romantic sense anyway.