Why do people seek out romantic companionship?

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Other than reproduction?

I have never understood this. And no one will answer me except with insults. Why is it so insulting to people to ask this?
Other people my age act like they have to stop caring about their own interests so they can get married and have children?
Why? Is it for pleasure? If so, why don't they just pleasure themselves? Or is there some form of emotional reward? I am always
confused in movies when the romance part comes in. The main characters always drop what they're doing, even if important,
and go chasing after someone else. I see this in real life too. What is the reward for touching someone else intimately? And is
it truly worth the effort? I have always wondered this. I was in what could be called a romantic relationship once, and the closest
I can come to describing it is an alien abduction scene in a horror movie. How do people know what to do in these situations?
It is like people are born with this desire to seek out others, but for some reason I lack this desire. Actually I don't just lack it, the
very thought of it is horrifying to me.

When action movies like Pacific Rim suddenly veer off into lovey-dovey romantic situations, I groan. I can't stand it. I understand it but I can't stand it. It slows the momentum down to a crawl but I guess that what women like to see in the movies.

I wrote a novel where the main character, a man with Asperger's, inadvertently gets into a pseudo-relationship with a woman. I didn't want to force that bit in but it's expected because the majority of readers are women and that's what they want to see.

I think its because we are afraid that if we don't seize the opportunity while we get it, we'll never get another chance and regret it for the rest of our lives. That "fear of being alone" is the fear of not doing what other people are doing. I think if there was no marriage, people wouldn't be as afraid, because once you're married, that's it. You're stuck.

For me, it's just that: for companionship. I want somebody who can connect with me, who I can be close to and not be afraid of being judged by them. I want somebody who I can share things with and share my life with.

Then there's always physical intimacy, which is great, too.

As a female, there is an emotional reward that is more than just happiness for general companionship. I am happy when I have ice-cream with a friend, I am VERY happy when I get to see my BF.

There is desire for companionship and a desire to not be alone that helps drive it, and a happiness when you find someone who understands you, has strengths you lack, and is glad to have the help of your strengths.

In some ways I strive to better myself in my relationship because I want to bring the most good possible into it.

Physically, there is some pleasure, but I have to have the emotional connection or it is just weird. (and we have not had sex so I cannot speak on that).

You may not have that desire to be desired by another, to think that they are awesome and strong, and have them think that you are smart and pretty. That is ok. Some people do not ever have the desire for romantic relationships. They still matter as people.

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me personally there are several factors.

First and foremost I guess would have to be the desire for physical intimacy.
Sure, masturbation can be fun, and even extremely pleasurable, but it pales in comparison to sex and not because of differences in the amount of pleasure.
Sex isn't just sex, it's hugging, kissing, cuddling, and touching.

Hell, sometimes I feel like I just want someone to hold, and to hold me in return.
It relaxes me in a way nothing else does or can, and is profoundly satisfying on a very deep, primal level.
So there's that.

Sex, though, sex makes me mellow, happy, confident, and content in a way nothing else can.
Msaturbation just doesn't do any of that really, largely because without a partner and their hormones it's just getting off and nothing more.


Another major reason is that I feel a deep desire for a partner, someone whom I can trust and rely on completely and who trusts and relies on me in return.
A person whose strengths and weaknesses compliment my own, so together the effect is synergistic, making us both better people.
Not just a mate, but a true friend who shares everything about themselves with me and vice versa.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, is simply love.
I want to love someone with all my heart and soul and be loved in return.
To give away all and to receive all in return.
To be willing to not just die for someone, but to live for them, to want to make every moment of their lives as wonderful as possible and to have another reciprocate that.
To be linked at the deepest level, forever.

I guess it might be hard to understand all of that, or want any of it, especially if you're relatively asexual, but honestly I think you're missing out by not wanting those things, and this comes from a guy who's perpetually lonely and has had very little luck in either love or sex.

The sweet agony of longing is a near constant companion, yet I would not give it up for anything except for in its fulfillment.

Last edited by Bodyles on 13 Nov 2013, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ditto to that.

Humans are evolved from primates, which are social animals, so we still have a lot of that desire for social structure hardcoded into our DNA. Procreation is great, but two parents caring for a child is better than 1. 2 parents have a better chance of fighting off a lion than 1. Two parents have a better chance of protecting the child. With 2 parents, 1 can guard the child while the other finds food.

Nowadays, it's still about companionship without those more basic threats. The above posts are right, self pleasure can be fun but nowhere near as nice as mutual pleasure. The person is there to celebrate the good with you, and help you through the bad, and you do the same.

OP, your comment made me think of something Temple Grandin has said about relationships (via Wikipedia): "The part of other people that has emotional relationships is not part of me." I think that if this describes you, that is a valid way to be, and no one who desires romantic companionship can really make you understand it any more than you can make them understand your lack of that desire. When I was younger, I questioned the point of romantic relationships and monogamy a lot; even now that I feel like I understand why I love and want to be with my boyfriend (for many of the reasons mentioned by others in this thread), I still feel that way about having children. I know some people want to have children and feel fulfilled by it, and I don't think I will ever understand that. It's simply not in me, similar to how you describe the desire for romantic relationships as something that is not in you. As far as how people know what to do in those situations, I have no idea. I mostly just make things up and hope I look like I know what I'm doing. I don't have a clue what other people do.

I think it's instinctive and biological that in general we feel happier when in a relationship and sadder when alone. If we didn't get these natural urges, we wouldn't reproduce and so by evolution, those who want to be in relationships pass on their same traits to their offspring.

Because emotionally healthy relationships drastically improve the quality of one's life.

I do it because I am attracted to certain women and it drives me to be with them.

Attractiveness could be multiple things. Everybody could have their own set of requirements.