Help with body confidence

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I kind of have a boyfriend now. Well, we'll see how it goes. I never like to get too hopeful about anything good.

I've written on here before about lack of experience. Well, I'm not a virgin any more, I got that one out of the way.

I slept with the guy I've been seeing for the first time last night, and it went fine- I'd been really terrified beforehand, as my experience has been really limited, and when I lost my virginity there was no emotional attachment, I just detatched myself to get through it, which I am good at doing.

But I have a lot of worries about my body which I think he- the current guy- is finding frustrating and hard to understand.

I'll put the cards on the table- It's body hair.

Stretch marks- I'm over it.
Digestive problems- A million times better.

But body hair. I don't know why, but I am quite hairy. Well, it's genetics and so on, but also I think maybe I had a hormone imbalance- I'm just not sure.
Plus I had anorexia as a teen and had more body hair then as I was underweight.

I get my legs, bikini and so on waxed now.

But I am scared he will think I am hairy and disgusting if he sees it growing back, and not find me attractive. I also have nasty red blotches on my inner thighs where I have ingrown hairs that won't go away.

I feel terrible about it. Plus due to abuse and trauma issues from my past I can be quite detatched anyway.

We kind of almost got to the point of having sex again in the morning, but it didn't happen because he said he couldn't relax because he could see I wasn't relaxed. He asked ''Why are you doing that?'' because he could see I was trying to hide from him as it was light. And he said I seemed abnormally detatched.

Help! Any advice?
Will he care as much as I do about hairiness and so on?

I wish I could just enjoy my body, but it is a terrible struggle.

Thank you,
Cf

If he cares about you being hairy, he isn't worth your time anyway. You should really stop torturing yourself about it.

The red blotches on your inner thighs do sound embarrassing and also probably painful, but if he is an understanding and caring sort of person, he will be sympathetic to your womanly body issues - and if he isn't understanding and caring, you should dump him anyway.

Men have body issues of their own. They can get ingrown hairs on their faces. Stop feeling under pressure to be perfect.

Look into laser hair removal. You can get it professionally done or get a hand held one and do it yourself.
It's expensive and painful but it's permanent so in the long run it's worth it.

Also, just talk to your BF about your concerns. If he cares about you enough he won't make a big deal about it.

If the intimacy of the sex is fun, engaging and mutually satisfying, no one is paying attention to details like that. Try to relax, quit worrying and enjoy yourself - if you're having fun, he'll have fun. If you're uptight and preoccupied, it'll be a downer for both of you.

The best sex in the world is with someone who's comfortable with themselves and their body, and uninhibited about trying things. Any guy with much experience will tell you, physical appearances are not the quality that make sex good - it's all about attitude. Partners who are hung up on how they look are too distracted to have fun and fully commit to the experience.

I get the impression you feel like you have to be shaved/waxed for him.

I don't think that's the case.

Personally, It is a turn-off for me when a woman has untrimmed hair in her bikini area. It is hard to describe without pictures but if I use a man's beard as comparison, a 4 to 7 day growth would be a no, a 1 or 2 day growth is ok. Clean shaven is a super turn-on but one that is not 'a turn on' every single ..umm.. visit.

Using a beard trimmer to '2' setting would perhaps be enough for him...and i'm guessing a lot more comfortable for you to 'wear' and maintain. No blotches or irritation.


As a previous poster has said, its all up to both of you feeling comfortable with each other. Have you asked him what he likes? I mean, you never know, he may be the kind of guy that LIKES hairy. Communication is key... so talk to him.

Relax most guys don't like girls that are too skinny. Guys like some fat. Most chicks think they're too fat when in reality, they're fine. In fact it might be okay to be a little overweight.

I'm not going to lie, most guys arne't attracted to girls who are really obese. This is an example of being obese.





An example of a girl most guys would consider to be too skinny.






But if you're normal weight or only a little bit overweight then it's fine. Remember most guys don't like girls who are too skinny either. If you want to go on a diet that's fine but don't obsess over losing weight.

oops I didn't realize you were talking about body hair. The only advice I can give is. Move to Slovakia. Dudes in Slovakia dig chicks with a ton of body hair.

I think its something that you should just keep up with but not go overboard or obsess over. It is important that one takes care of themselves and tries to look their best, not that they are perfect.

I think your making those issues out to be worse than they are to him & his major issue is that you have issues. That said it's understandable why you would have those issues. I'm a guy & I hate body hair on myself but not because I worry about what others think but because I hate the feel of it. I researched it some & hormones do play a major part so your rite about it possibly being a hormonal imbalance. Look up Hirsutism(this is clicky Wiki link). There are treatments available. I'm taking a couple of the medication 1s for male-pattern baldness; Finasteride, Spironolactone & I take Dutasteride which is another hormone thing similar to Finasteride that's more potent but I don't think it's used much for hairsutism if it is used. I take half of the regular dose of Dutasteride, a lower dose of Spironolactone & regular dose of Finasteride. My body hair is a little less(most noticeably on my chest) & my facial hair grows back a tad slower so I may go an extra day or so without shaving my face but I only do it when it looks long or gets itchy which is about 1ce a week. The two side-effects I notice is reduced sex drive(I like having it lower thou & think the lower drive or lower testosterone helps me feel a tad emotionally better) & other effect is Gynecomastia which is enlarged breast in men but I take Arimidex to contract the hormone factor & other causes for that are being overweight which is gradually getting better & some anitpsychotics I was on in the past. If my hairless gets worse or I get tired of trying to keep it I'll quit everything except Arimidex & increase Spironolactone because I think it's helping reduce my body hair the most. Spironolactone occasionally used to treat acne but it's most common use is a diuretic.

I think laser hair removal or electrolysis are the more effective non medication ways of removing hair but it can still potentially come back, more so if there's a hormone imbalance cause. I asked my GP about getting my facial hair removed because I have problems shaving due to low vision & a tremor disorder & she said it wouldn't work well because hair grows differently for men; it grows differently because of the hormones. I seen advertizements on TV for the latest version of the home laser hair removal system called Tria & some of the reviews on Amazon were pretty good but it cost a few hundred dollars. I've also been seeing advertizements for something called No-No Hair but & it's a lot cheaper but the reviews weren't as good. Talk to your doc about your possible hormone imbalance. Some hormonal birth-control contains Spironolactone or other hormones that might help or you might could get a meds prescribed specially for the hair or hormone imbalance &/or get a referral for hair removal.

Ahhh....

Now I'll admit I'm far from perfect, I'd never get a job as a model. Never. Ever.

But I have learned to enjoy my body for what it can do and for the pleasures it gives me.

If I could change ONE THING about my life, it would be to appreciate my own attractiveness in my youth more than I did. I was always down on myself and I was actually quite decent. I'm 40 and fat now and I don't worry about it so much. Yes, I can work to improve things, but I'm enjoying myself so much more now.

In my experience, emotionally mature men like women who are body confident. And it matters less what they look like ( as long as they are attractive to the man in question). It's more fun to have sex with someone who is able to let themselves go without being worried about covering up or stressing out about their appearance.

As far as body hair goes, unfortunately we're in a period of time when body hair is deemed unfashionable. I really don't get this. But anyway...

One thing you didn't mention is whether your body hair is light or dark. If it's light...say on your inner thighs...I would avoid waxing there altogether - which should reduce the ingrown hair thing. All that shaving is not actually good for our skin.