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BeeBzzz
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Joined: 24 Jun 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 20

29 Jul 2017, 2:42 pm

Hi

I'm confused by some of my boss's behaviours which may or may not be romantically motivated. I want to figure it out so that I can adjust my own behaviour accordingly i.e. set clearer boundaries or adjust my own style of communication.

The main behaviour that irked and confused me is that in recent communication he called me by my surname. I'm female. He had contacted me on instant messenger to congratulate me on a new role and opened the communication using my surname, which he hasn't done before. I didn't really like it.

Separately, he's become quite patchy and random with communication. Not responding to very simple work-related requests for several days until I chase him on messenger. It might be nothing but it has crossed my mind that he might be either trying to get my attention or to send me a message that he feels uncomfortable.

To give some context, I have feelings for my boss. I'm managing them by avoiding face-to-face contact, making communication more formal by using email instead of messenger and only contacting my boss in relation to work matters that require his decision keeping the tone professional. I've previously sensed that my boss was attracted to me. He pushed boundaries a little bit too much - things like using quite sexual language although in group settings, and paying too much attention to my personal life. At the same time that I realised the extent of my feelings for him he also started to act a bit funny with me.

I can't figure out whether he is behaving the way he is because he thinks I feel uncomfortable and he wants to reassure me that there's no danger, or whether he knows I have feelings for him which makes him uncomfortable or whether he's trying to flirt and get my attention?



kraftiekortie
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Joined: 4 Feb 2014
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Location: Queens, NYC

29 Jul 2017, 2:48 pm

I get the feeling it's a little bit of both.

Calling someone by a surname is quite formal these days in an office setting.



BeeBzzz
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Joined: 24 Jun 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 20

29 Jul 2017, 3:59 pm

Thanks. What do you think he's trying to communicate? I'm not sure what else I can do from my side to minimise the issue.