Surprise Aspie breakup

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First thing that crossed my mind. "She's going to Auckland. Her ex is in Auckland. They were in a relationship for a long time. Ours has only lasted 3 months."

As for as Aspies go I tend to be a lot more cunning, as I didn't exactly fit the "middle class" part of "middle class white men syndrome" very well. That is to say, I grew up in a rough, poor neighborhood and had to learn what's up a lot faster and more reliably than your typical sheltered sperger.

It's a good idea but I find (in my experiences) it never works. Social anxiety builds over time especially when I know I am meant to do something at a set date/time and besides I rarely manage to say what I want to.

For me, I can most clearly communicate by sending an emal / card / letter / carrier pigeon ... and then follow that up with a chat. Maybe go to the conversation with a letter covering what you want to say, have her read it - then talk?

Yep on your knees! You know me so well

And your more likely to always think someone is cheating. Maybe she isn't?

You never have any good experiences with women because you hate them and think the worst of them which actually makes it look like projection.

Not all aspies are naïve and NT's can be clueless in that area as well when love is blind. So nice of you to pretend it's and aspie only thing.

I was under the impression writing a letter is considered 'wimping out' and is seen in a negative light. However, I can see that it would ensure that A) she gets time to think over the content, unlike a conversations and B) doesn't feel any anxiety about the arranged date. Getting herself 'ready' etc... I was already thinking that during the conversation I would whip out a piece of paper with pictoral diagrams of what went wrong; I actually already drew a few pages when I was thinking it through to help me digest the issues.

Perhaps I will send a letter, and give a 'call me when you've read this'.

This is already way too complicated. While you are at it, maybe take some time to think about what she may want out of a relationship and what it is that you bring to the relationship specifically. We all have to bring something to the table and it has to be what the other person wants, otherwise, it doesn't work out.

oh come on, everyone can see you are a man hater and think the worst of them.

Good try for projection.

Yes, you've mentioned lack of sex/intimacy and the one sex experience was bad for her, meaning that you have probably failed to make her secrete enough Oxycontin throughout the relationship; this hormone which is essential to build up a feeling of "bond" after sex. With that being missing, nothing would work and she would be more likely to seek someone who gives her that feeling.
Yes, humans are apes.

This gets me thinking, but in what direction I'm unsure. Is this really complicated? To me it seems rather simple; relationship stagnated because we didn't communicate (in a way compatible with our aspie heads) that we wanted to move forward. It is difficult to say exactly what you bring; I've never had to think about it as we seemed to be attracted to each other from the offset. I can think of ways in which we are matched; I'm incredibly organised and always know the time whilst she doesn't really have a concept of time, and thus somewhat relies on me for these things. Is that the sort of thing you mean? The two of us are a great match; our friends and parents have all commented on how well suited we seemed.

To me it seems she wanted a man who would move it forward, and because I used more NT communication methods for that she perceived that I couldn't. If she sees that I understand the mistake and knows that I can fix it, then surely the issue is moot.



Also guys can we quit it with the ad hominem?