Ever noticed this with Aspie People, does this annoy you?

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Hi guys,

Quick question, does it ever annoy you, how quite a lot of people with Aspergers, and high functioning autism are, I'm going to use the term "boyfriend hungry" Not sure, if this is the same for males with Aspergers, but I've noticed it excessively, with females, and it makes my blood boil.

Ever notice how, that a boyfriend is like a necessity for them, like a little blankey is for a young child?
They have a boyfriend, sometimes much older then they are, sometimes even younger.
Sometimes there's sex involved, sometimes there isn't (That's not what makes me so pissed.)

Then they second the guy ends the relationship, the girl is posting several status messages non stop, such as "I really need a bf".
I've been asked by a few of these girls several times, I usually just block them straight away, and if that fails, they usually call, and txt every guy in their contact book, asking if they'd "be my boyfriend" Several times, when I've been asked by one girl, usually I get told by other people, that they have also been asked by the same girl. One occasion, about 4 of my friends told me they have been approached, on the same day, at different times.

Does anybody else have experience, with this sort of thing, and does it piss you guys off, as much as it annoys me?
idk why, it annoys me so much, I guess partly, because I'm firmly against people like that, and/or I myself have been single for more than 3 years now, and although it is rather lonely at times, I have no issues with it, and I guess it annoys me, to hear people bitching about it all the time.

Thoughts please?

Thanks

Cool story, bro.

Nope, I am female. After my first relationship experiences as a teen I realized, that I was not interested in intense relationship with boys according to NT standards, but simply liked to have sex from now and then with someone that I share sympathy, but did not have any interest in seeing someone daily, loosing all my interests, being forced to go to social events with boyfriends, ...

Spended the rest of my teenage years happily, with spending the time with my hobbies and tons of Dungeons and Dragons and computer games and without any need of an boyfriend. ^^

Will you be my boyfriend pleeeease?

I think I maybe understand where you are coming from. I'm not sure why you are angry about it though. Why don't we have a look at what their perspective may be.

These women may be relatively emotionally immature. They grew up watching Disney movies and Hallmark channel love stories. These movies reinforce the idea that having a "love of your life" is the apex of existence. The film doesn't end till the girl gets the guy. None of these films end with the girl realizing he's not really into her and it's now time to work out how to find a fulfilling life as an individual on your own. These poor women feel like they are failing at life because they don't have a boyfriend. They feel like this is what's expected of them.

Then to add to this idea that they have to have a boyfriend they see the people they grew up with meeting men and becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. They don't see the work that goes into starting that relationship or maintaining it. They just see it as the cherry on the cake. The thing that completes everything.

They may have relatives saying to them, "when are you going to settle down and have a family?" But they may not have the emotional maturity or skills to make a relationship work or to figure out how to behave when you're attracted to someone.

Strange you should ask this. I was thinking about how I've matured over the years. I wrote an essay about a book when I was at school and in my review I said that unlike the main character I wouldn't be afraid of telling someone how I felt and I didn't understand why it took the characters so long to get together. I was very niave at 16. I didn't understand that in real life, unlike in films or books, the guy you're interested in won't always like you back.

They deserve some sympathy, not resentment. Maybe in time they will grow up.

WP is chock full of guys who are in dire need of relationships, so it isn't exclusively a female thing.

Regardless of your gender, it's really stupid to go out with somebody simply so you can say you have somebody. That mindset can get you in trouble.

Nope I have never seen them act that way. How do you know they all have AS? Are they diagnosed and did you two talk or what and they told you?

I was like this when I was younger (not so extreme, though), and I chalk it up to emotional immaturity. I'm still a bit immature in that area, but I'm learning what the triggers are. I think it was more that I liked the idea of being in a relationship more than I actually liked being in one, you know? We have all these social pressures around us and we try so hard to conform and fail... when really we just need to figure out what we ourselves need and what will make us happy.

This thread makes me think of Phillip Larkin's Wedding Wind for some reason:

I think that mindset, if it is AS-related (not likely), stems from the need to feel "normal" or "with it", in comparison to our NT counterparts.

In western society in general, boyfriend == camouflage and it's especially so for female aspies.

not me. when i had to dump my boyfriend due to his control issues, that put me off dating for at least 3 years.

I notice it in lots of girls, but they are all NT's. There is just a type of girl out there who doesn't want to be without a guy. She won't end a bad relationship until she has another guy lined up and if a guy ends the relationship then she will be frantic to find somebody else ASAP. She's the kind of chick who dates a lot of guys who I call "Transition Man". Transition Man is the guy who she dates immediately after the relationship ends, but she's not all that into him. He's just there. She dates him until she either finds another guy she is into for a relationship or she finds several guys she likes and starts doing her version of "playing the field" which may or may not involved keeping Transition Man around on the side for security while she is out there trying to cultivate a relationship with the guys she really wants to be with.

They aren't intentionally using the guys, and they don't see Transition Man for what he is. They really think they like him, and they really believe they are having some kind of relationship with him, but all their friends can see them still shopping around by flirting and seeking out other guys even though they really don't believe themselves to be looking for one. When they start pursuing relationships with other guys while keeping him around for security, they really believe that they are just on a break and trying to work things out. This won't depend on what TM does or doesn't do, it will depend on what the guy she really likes does or doesn't do.

I have a friend who is in a bad marriage but she won't leave until she knows that another guy is right there for her. She's terrified of the idea of being alone. That's what causes this thing. Fear of being alone.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I see this more with NT females and Aspie males.

6/10 threads in this forum are guys complaining about not getting a girlfriend.