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Lowann
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03 Apr 2014, 3:22 pm

I'm in my mid 20's, and have been very few relationships although I have multiple "casual" sexual encounters. I kept pursuing them because I believed that physical intimacy was supposed to provide some sort of happiness or release of stress but I keep finding it makes me uncomfortable in the end. I'm interested in finding a partner in life and enjoy being emotionally/physically close to someone but find I am just uninterested in sex now. I was hoping to find out if anyone else has foundfound a similar issue and if such a relationship can exist healthily, because I keep hearing that an active sex life is necessary for any relationship to be successful.



linatet
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03 Apr 2014, 3:50 pm

No way! It IS possible to have relationship without sex, there are lots of asexuals out there!
You could start doing research on AVEN. Great source for asexuality!
Don't worry, I feel the same.



elkclan
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03 Apr 2014, 4:00 pm

Yes, it's possible. It's probably harder to find someone who has the same levels of disinterest in sex that you do, but not impossible.

It's better to search for that partner than to pretend you're into sex when you're not and have a sexually frustrated partner. For MOST people a healthy sex life is part of a healthy relationship. But not for everyone. People who are sexual - though - should NOT be with people who are non-sexual or asexual.



linatet
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03 Apr 2014, 4:23 pm

elkclan wrote:
Yes, it's possible. It's probably harder to find someone who has the same levels of disinterest in sex that you do, but not impossible.

It's better to search for that partner than to pretend you're into sex when you're not and have a sexually frustrated partner. For MOST people a healthy sex life is part of a healthy relationship. But not for everyone. People who are sexual - though - should NOT be with people who are non-sexual or asexual.

that is not true. asexual-sexual relationships are common (considering the quantity of asexuals). because someone is not really into sex doesn't mean they can't do it if the partner likes sex and they love the partner.



Lowann
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03 Apr 2014, 4:30 pm

In my few relationships I found I was able to perform for my partner if they needed it. It's not that there is a lack of attraction or lack of arousal, I just find that I don't really want it personally which causes me not to initiate it, which in turn makes me concerned that I'm going to lead them to feeling unwanted.



Willard
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03 Apr 2014, 5:03 pm

Bleh. I would rather have the sex without the relationship. Relationships turn your life into a living hell.



Stargazer43
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03 Apr 2014, 5:04 pm

Lowann wrote:
I'm in my mid 20's, and have been very few relationships although I have multiple "casual" sexual encounters. I kept pursuing them because I believed that physical intimacy was supposed to provide some sort of happiness or release of stress but I keep finding it makes me uncomfortable in the end. I'm interested in finding a partner in life and enjoy being emotionally/physically close to someone but find I am just uninterested in sex now. I was hoping to find out if anyone else has foundfound a similar issue and if such a relationship can exist healthily, because I keep hearing that an active sex life is necessary for any relationship to be successful.


I think that it is necessary *eventually* for most people. That said, there are many people who prefer to wait until marriage, and there are others who simply don't have much of a desire for it.



jrjones9933
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03 Apr 2014, 5:23 pm

I like sex a lot, and always have. I don't like sex done badly, and I've seen more of that than I've seen it done well.

On an intellectual level, I support asexuals as I support all forms of consensual sexual expression. I may unintentionally say something offensive, but I'll try not to. I can only put myself in that position by imagining my reaction to a partner whose sexual style does not intersect at all with my own.

Society says a lot of things that make no sense, obviously, so you can take anything society says with a huge grain of salt. It seems unlikely that asexual bars will have the same level of success as say, gay or lesbian bars, so that seems like an obstacle. For those of us who don't like bars at all, I guess it doesn't make much difference.

I don't actually have as much to say on this subject as I first thought. I only wish that other people who find asexuality as difficult to understand as I do would refrain from jumping to conclusions. I don't expect that to happen, since people love jumping to conclusions. Best of luck working out a satisfying relationship, though.



appletheclown
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03 Apr 2014, 6:06 pm

Having a partner in crime would be enough, knowing I made the lady happy is the most important part.

If there is a little cuddling, it wouldn't hurt. But I would enjoy a no sex relationship.


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AspieOtaku
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05 Apr 2014, 1:13 pm

It is possible if both partners are asexual.


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Cafeaulait
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05 Apr 2014, 1:38 pm

It is possible, but I can imagine I'd be harder for someone that's not asexual to find someone.



RikkiK
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06 Apr 2014, 11:18 pm

I definitely agree about looking into AVEN. I'm a bit younger than you but felt extremely uncomfortable with sexual contact since my first kiss and was always confused about it. then I happened to meet an Aspie and we clicked and intimacy with him just doesn't faze me. the emotional made the physical seem right. So, if you identify with being asexual, be open about that when meeting people, but there are bound to be people out there who are willing to having loving sexless relationships. do you never feel sexual feelings, or do you just feel wrong after experiences? I never quite felt alright identifying as asexual, as technically they aren't supposed to have any sexual urges at all.



linatet
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07 Apr 2014, 4:25 am

RikkiK wrote:
I definitely agree about looking into AVEN. I'm a bit younger than you but felt extremely uncomfortable with sexual contact since my first kiss and was always confused about it. then I happened to meet an Aspie and we clicked and intimacy with him just doesn't faze me. the emotional made the physical seem right. So, if you identify with being asexual, be open about that when meeting people, but there are bound to be people out there who are willing to having loving sexless relationships. do you never feel sexual feelings, or do you just feel wrong after experiences? I never quite felt alright identifying as asexual, as technically they aren't supposed to have any sexual urges at all.

actually they can have sexual drive, it os only not directed at anyone. The core aspect of asexuality is not feeling sexually attracted to anyone, whether you feel physical drive or not, whether you have sex or not, whether you masturbate or not etc
I found this awesome link that explained everything. I wanted to post it here but I would have to find it again... If I do I will post.
your experience sounds like that of a demi-sexual.



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07 Apr 2014, 9:00 am

I am a virgin, but I find I am not really attracted to many people. Have had a couple big crushes, and those really hurt. I wouldn't mind a relationship without a focus on the sexual aspect. I am more interested in emotional fulfillment and learning to get along with someone.



thewhitrbbit
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07 Apr 2014, 10:50 am

I think the topic and some of the responses are off.

If the OP isn't interested in sex, he/she is going to have to find an asexual person to date. If he/she is willing to have sex, but it's not a priority, then it might not be as hard.



GivePeaceAChance
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07 Apr 2014, 11:09 am

Willard wrote:
Bleh. I would rather have the sex without the relationship. Relationships turn your life into a living hell.


BAD Relationships turn your life into a living hell. - there fixed it for you


and STD's don't cause problems in life?


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