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what to do to forget someone you love ......or at least to forget this feeling toward her/him?

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 21 Feb 2007, 2:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wait. The most helpful thing is time. Time, and distractions. Distract yourself for a long enough period without reminders from the person, and it will slowly get better. (Well, it could, did for me.) If that's not an option, if you can't separate yourself from them and distract yourself from them, or if, say, they randomly send you a message on valentine's day just to "check that you are alive," it gets harder.

If there's no way to first get them out of your life, and then get something to hold your attention instead of them, well... I don't have a damn clue. Trying to figure that out right now. Doesn't help that it is my damn neighbor..... As for the random message, that was from someone else, and it bothered me more than anything.

insanely good answer, shadexiii....but alas nothing works...i'm going through that as well and the pain mounts everytime i see him (which if its not everyday its at least every few days...) and its unavoidable... trying to refocus your attention on someone else helps at times but then, when you're alone and you have a free minute, the thought goes right back to that person.

thats the worse damn kind of message. its of the "so i didn't screw you over enough the first time hmmm why don't i try again" variety. i feel similar when "my" particular person attempts to hold my attention, act all excited to see me when i returned to work, smile at me, strike up conversation based on NOTHING with me.... it does my damned head in because i don't even think he knows what he does to me and then anyway, why the hell would you do all that if you DON'T like someone. i need to get over it. i really do. . . lol

I wasn't really clear with what I said, so I need to make a revision.

As far as I know, there is NO WAY to entirely forget anyone that you've cared about significantly. You may get to a point where you don't always think about them, maybe to a point where you almost never think about them, but the memory will always be there. Even if it gets deeply repressed.



From my experience, there are a large number of people just like this. They don't necessarily intend to cause more harm, they're just oblivious to it. Some of them don't know what they want, some of them want what they can't have, some of them want everything, or at least the possibility of that. As much as you may want to hold on to that memory of who they once were (or appeared to be,) who they are now is hurting you.

I think that's the biggest problem that a lot of people have in this kind of situation (myself included.) We all want to believe the person we cared about, fell in love with, whatever, is the same person today. Too often that person is dead and gone, and the person in their place is nothing like that memory, and yet we want to make them one and the same, to hold on to that memory.

The couple of people that have done this kind of thing to me, what's helped some (not a lot) is to recognize that I loved who they were (or at least who I thought they were,) but that doesn't mean that I have to give a damn about who they are now.

it isnt hard for me to forget loving a person since i've really never been inlove. liking a person is a different story, if i like someone it almost turns into somekind of wierd obsession.

Prince.

I think that it isn't worth it.

I have news for you.

You're trying to hard to forget a girl who you were friends in the beginning with.

I've got plenty of close female NT friends, who have boyfriends, or on the verge of getting a guy, but you know hwat? that doesn't mean that everytime that they do, I go out and forget about them. That is unstylish, uncharacteristic, and it's in general gonna make you look like a chicken because you can't handle the fact that she chose you over someone else.

Who are you kidding? Stop tying to escape the fact that you think you're not worth it. Believe me mate, you are worth it.

If I had given up after every single defeat, you think I'd still be alive? Hah. No. You have some growing up to do. A lot of growing up.

I don't normally chastise people that much, but you seem to think that the fact that she chose him over you was because of your A.S. yes. probably so, but probably other factors as well. You need to get over this, go back to living life, and continue to be friends with said girl.

I will not allow this self deprecation over a girl.

You're a man dude. Be strong, buff, and go shoot something.

Doc Ninja.

Key word (or part) being thing

All kidding aside, that's something I wouldn't mind doing myself. I may feel like death this week (strep throat, migraine, etc, etc, etc, then there's the psychological stuff to boot...) but the thought of just unloading a couple clips on the shooting range sounds like a hell of a lot of fun.

OK, I'm from Texas, maybe that's part of it, but it is a great stress reliever. Especially if you have some headphones that are good enough in terms of a seal on your ears to double as ear plugs. Just pay attention to who else is at the range and where they're at.

My answer to that question is nothing.

I've been rejected because the slightest things make people unhappy.

Hmm.

I've been thru it several times. You will have good days and bad days.
Enjoy the good days with the knowledge that as time passes, their frequency will increase.
Fight the bad days by keeping yourself busy. Actively busy. Don't give yourself time to dwell. Play a sport and listen to an audio book. Occupy you mind and your body simultaneously. If you don't have a pet, consider getting one. My dog is always loyal.

On the other hand, do you really want to forget? This is never the first thought in my mind after a breakup, but your memories define you to some extent. Even if you could erase your memories, isn't it akin to a mental amputation?

If you ever get too depressed, consider that you obviously had the ability to attract someone in the first place. And nobody ever learns by getting everything correct on the first try.

Good luck, bro. You've always got the forum to talk to. :)

Trying to forget the woes of heartache? Are you at least still friends with the person you are trying to forget? Remember even if it hurts to think of those times lost it does not mean you can't be friends (but I don't know much about what's going on here x3).

No. he isn't.

he liked her, but she chose someone over him.

and he ( in my opinion) is being immature about not wanting to talk to her or be friends with her anymore, because he can't handle that fact.

I behave the same way he does. It's difficult enough to deal, without seeing and hearing about the happy new couple. If I have to be lonely, I'd rather be alone. I've been left before too. Girls do not seem to have the required psychological apparatus to understand. I can't fault them, but if they can behave in their own interests without considering me, then I can reciprocate.
So I never see them again. And while this hurts, I consider it the better strategy for me.

311 - Use of Time

Bloody hell.

You seem to think that its better to be alone. WRONGO!

That's a bloody stupid strategety. I tried that, it didn't work, my first ex of six months and I are still friends. good friends.

There is a point in all ya'll lives when you have to get over the small fact that if the person you like, likes someone else, its because you're not doing anything that they can appreciate, so you fight for them, become more sociable, and end up right.

<sarcasm>Very observant.</sarcasm>

There are other girls out there. I'm glad you and your ex can be friends, but in my experience, girls (and guys) can can be heartless in a breakup, and that isn't any way to start a friendship. Perhaps I'll someday sustain a breakup with someone that will cause me to change strategies, but I have plenty of friends. I don't need one that's going to say 'I love you' and then 'find someone better' the next day. Yes, those words have been spoken to me.
I may not be able to have control over how other's treat me, but at least I can cash in my chips and refuse to play.

I don't make a big production out of this process, so how could you say it's 'wrong' of anyone to behave this way? With equal validity, I could say you are 'wrong' for staying friends... but I won't. It's not that I don't try to be sociable.

Human sexual behavior follows a pattern of serial-monogamy peppered with clandestine affairs. 'Ending up right' for me is being distant from cheaters.

So you're saying that you give up on trying to be friends with someone because she has a boyfriend?

Do you realize how much of a coward that makes you sound like?

My ex has me to thank for pointing out how much the two guys she dated after me were jerks, without me pointing it out. Just becaus how badly they treated her.

so what am I saying?

You need to be there for her.

That goes for you as well Prince.

and I didn't say its wrong. I play it safe as well, but in the same sense, most of my close female friends have boyfriends who totally are okay with me, becuase they know I'm not going to make a move on their girl and they also know that when they're not around that I'm going to be there for them. my point? You've apparently been burned a lot, and it must stink a lot.

Here's the other part, you said you don't try to be sociable. In other words your saying that you are very anti social and this may be one of the other reasons why its hard for you. You want to have friends? You want to have a chance with a female, then get out there and do whatever it takes. trust me.