What makes someone a GF or BF?

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StarCity
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25 May 2014, 12:47 pm

What is the difference between a friend & a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Someone told me that it is sex; but that isn't right coz some people who are in a relationship don't do that until they are married. Also, I know of 2 people who consider they have a girlfriend even though they've only ever chatted to them online, and have never met them in real life.
I asked my Mum and she confused me even more. She said that the 2 people love eachother, but then I love all my friends coz they are good people.

This conundrum is doing my head in at the moment.


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Rodney00
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25 May 2014, 12:52 pm

shorthand, a girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're both physically and mentally attracted and emotionally attached to. Only mental attraction=friend. Only physical attraction=fuсkbuddy.



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25 May 2014, 1:03 pm

A boyfriend or girlfriend is very much like a friend. They're someone you can talk to. Someone enjoy doing things with (cooking, playing video games, sailing, playing card games, watching movies with, jogging, playing board games, attending ComiCon, solving puzzles, whatever floats your boat). Ideally they're someone you get along with really well, who really gets you, and who tends to like a lot of the same things you like. They should respect you as a person.

The thing that differentiates them from a friend is the amount of touching between the two of you (more than with a friend), the type of touching between you two (holding hands, kissing, etc.) and their sexual appeal. The older you grow, the more you and your friends likely take into account and need to take into account whether your ideas about family, raising children, career goals, and whether you could live with them for any extended period of time. The reason is simple, the older you are, the more likely sex and marriage are to be considered as options.

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shorthand, a girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're both physically and mentally attracted and emotionally attached to. Only mental attraction=friend. Only physical attraction=fuсkbuddy.

Good summary.



StarCity
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25 May 2014, 1:07 pm

Rodney00 wrote:
shorthand, a girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're both physically and mentally attracted and emotionally attached to. Only mental attraction=friend. Only physical attraction=fuсkbuddy.


That makes some sense, but it is still difficult for me to compute. However it is a better explanation than my Mother gave me.


_________________
We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.


billiscool
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25 May 2014, 1:11 pm

but you have quasi-GF,quasi-bf as well which
include fwb,f--k buddy,romantic best friend,''trial''bf
or gf,kissing friend.



DavidCook
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25 May 2014, 3:18 pm

What makes someone a GF or a BF? Well, let's see here...being in a relationship and having sex with someone are not necessarily related. On one hand, you can be in a relationship without sex, if you truly love each other but want to wait to have sex. On the other hand, you can have sex with someone without being in a relationship - the best example is the idea of "friends with benefits".
True love does not always make someone a GF or BF, either. But then, true love has different standards than the idea of "being in a relationship". It doesn't matter if you think you're right for somebody; even if they're right for you, they have to believe it, too, and at the same time as you.
Also remember that teenagers don't always know who's best for them. (Perhaps aspies are an exception.) However, teenage relationships tend to not last that long, and so the adult relationships are the ones that matter more.



CrinklyCrustacean
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26 May 2014, 3:50 am

A bf/gf is somone you are romantically involved with.



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26 May 2014, 4:48 am

Rodney00 wrote:
shorthand, a girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're both physically and mentally attracted and emotionally attached to. Only mental attraction=friend. Only physical attraction=fuсkbuddy.


Would not totally agree on that. You can have mental attraction and physical attraction to someone, and still be simple f**kbuddies. (In my oppinion its the best fuckbuddy-relationship. ^^)

A BF/GF is someone that you are mentally and physically attracted to, AND that shares that feeling towards you AND that agrees with you to share your further life and experiences.

As example, if I am physically and mental attracted to someone, whose goals and oppinions in life simply make it impossible for both of us to share our further life together, I see no sense in agreeing into an earnest relationship. If I have the need for a more basic life and family, and the opposite dreams of traveling the world ... it simply does not fit.



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26 May 2014, 4:14 pm

It's an interesting question.

Follow one definition (someone you're romantically involved with) and I've had hundreds of girlfriends. This is not a boast, thanks to AS there is a long stream of broken relationships and it's something I'm not proud of.

Next definition, someone you've had sex with, and my list drops down from hundreds to five, that makes their names easier to remember if nothing else.

I prefer a somewhat retrospective approach, it hurts when they leave, you want them back and you're prepared to do almost anything to be able to hold them in your arms again. How many girlfriends have I had? Two, with my present partner being number three, in forty years.

AS has a lot to answer for :cry:


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JerryM
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30 May 2014, 3:11 pm

Basically, if you're looking for the definition, it's two people who have mutually consented to a romantic relationship. They both agree that they're each other's bf/gf. And there are two types of love. In my case, there's the love I have for my friends because I enjoy being around them and enjoy who they are (and who they make me). Then there's the love I have for my fiancee where I can see our future children in her eyes want to kiss her when I see her.



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30 May 2014, 3:50 pm

For me there is a HUGE difference between a 'regular' male friend and a boyfriend.

The level of intimacy is just way different. And I am not even talking about the sex. When I am with my male friends I laugh with them, talk about things we have in common and I share minor emotional issues or irritations. But with my boyfriend, I dare let my emotions go. If I feel really bad about something, I am not afraid to let him know. He knows my insecurities and deepest fears. He knows my quircks. If I could describe it in one sentence it would be 'I feel more at home with my boyfriend than with a regular friend'.



Azereiah
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31 May 2014, 9:34 am

A person may be romantically involved with and be having sex with a person without it being a normal relationship. One party may even consider it to just be a "Friendship" of some sort.

It's a complicated question that can only be answered by asking the person you think you may be in a relationship with, though that may lead to awkward situations.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2014, 11:15 am

What Cafe said, it's not just the sex part.

For me, gf means Wife/fiancee without the rings (and sharing place).



DavidCook
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31 May 2014, 3:47 pm

Rodney00 wrote:
shorthand, a girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're both physically and mentally attracted and emotionally attached to. Only mental attraction=friend. Only physical attraction=fuсkbuddy.


Yes, but the mental attraction is more important in a relationship. If a relationship has only mental attraction, it starts as two people being friends and gradually developing. Problem is, the "friend zone" prevails for an extremely long time before any further progress can happen. I remember a relationship with only mental attraction where the girl was gaga over me for years, and I didn't develop any kind of attraction for her for over 3 years.



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31 May 2014, 6:51 pm

Would say a gf/bf is a friendship that has developed a emotional or romantic side. A friend is just one of how ever many friends you have. A gf/bf is where at distinct pairing has occurred and a more personal level of intimacy is reached. It doesn't have to mean sex is occurring, but much of the time it does progress to that.