why use time on the girlfriend / married race?

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I am a 31 year old who has never had a girlfriend / wife etc. And I have started to wonder why people bother to spend time on it. I would therefore like to hear from those who are already a wife the posetive and negative things about it? And for those who have chosen to be single: What consideration has made ​​you?

It's not really accurate to look at getting a girlfriend as simply costing time and money. Yes, you'll likely spend x amount of hours and money on dates, websites, gas, etc...but looking at it this way makes it seem like dating has no value if you don't end up in a relationship (not true) and the resources spent on dating keep you from more productive activities, like learning a language or cleaning out the garage (again, probably not true). Going on a date ONLY to find a permanent relationship is like majoring in a subject you hate because it might make you a lot of money. In the long run, looking at dating as simply a Return On Investment exercise makes you bitter. I'm not up to the task of explaining how to have fun on dates without worrying about the outcome right now, but that's the way of it.

I don't think that's a fair analogy.



I'd love to "get" how going on dates just for fun works. For aspie males, that is! I mean, sure, I can enjoy spending a few hours with a nice person even if there's no relationship potential. (In fact, I just did that a few days ago. It wasn't a date, but I couldn't help thinking that this must be what a date with a nice-but-clearly-incompatible person must be like.) I wouldn't mind going on such dates if 1) I could get them easily and 2) I knew in advance it's likely to be enjoyable - but neither of those is true.

I don't make money each month so what money I have won't be replaced next month. As I spend money I have less and less until I have none. so dating like any activity must be looked at a cost/effective . in my case money spent on a date that doesn't work out is money that I could have spent doing something i enjoy. If i had money that came in every month. I could not have that mindset.
it is for this same reason I don't eat fast food. its expensive more so then food from a store. so if I buy fast food that is money tht could have bought me 2-3 meals instead of the one I got from fast food.

I prefer walks for dates, i enjoy walking and talking. yet most people would want to do dinner, or movie or insert other paid activity. things I wouldn't do for fun. those dates are me paying tons of money to do an activity i don't enjoy with somoene who then won't want to talk to me again cause there's not attraction.

as for the other thing. a long term relationship is my goal, I look at every possible date as could they be that person. I won't want to date someoene who won't.

I'm not into short term dating, fwb, causual dating, etc.

the walk dates have been quite fun, even though I've only had 4 dates.

If you feel no natural impulse to date/marry, I don't know if I would do it just because everyone else does.

For me it was not something I evaluated, like getting a car. It was a natural desire and need.

^this.

don't get into a relationship that you don't really want, and certainly don't get married and have kids if you don't really feel any desire to do so. if you do, you will ruin the lives of your future family, because they will know you don't really want to be there and don't really love them. my father did this, because he thought it's just what people do, and if he didn't get married and have kids it would "look weird". the result was 20 years of my mother sister and i living with an abusive man who had no interest in us and no affection for us, but lots of anger, contempt, and violence. don't do that to someone else just because you want to appear "normal" to other people by being in a relationship you don't actually want. it's horribly selfish, and it's dishonest.

Well said. For me it was somewhere between the two. Getting married was fine since for us, we were such tight friends it seemed stupid not to do it.

Kids were a lot different. I dreaded it, but felt that it was just "the right thing to do." They grew on me, though. As I type my daughter is having a playdate with her bff from kindergarten she met at school last year and my son is practicing the heck out of piano unusually enthusiastically trying to show off in front of her. My youngest son is just enjoying the company of two awesome older females. I'm taking a break from synth programming while the 4 of them make me smile.

I can't guarantee everyone will have the same experience I've had, but I think it's natural to be apprehensive towards marriage and babies. So all I'll say on the matter is it's not THAT bad. Just don't ignore them and they'll turn out just fine. If it's not going to be in the cards for you, that's OK too. I will say this, though: there are plenty of people who "want kids" and are absolutely horrible parents. I wouldn't base my decision to have kids on being a certain type of person or being "ready." If you adamantly, 100% DO NOT WANT KIDS, they're not right for you. If you're just worried that you're not perfect or not ready, I'm sure you'd make a better parent than you think you would because you're at least aware of your faults and will probably do the research to make sure you give your kids the best chance you can. You'd at least make a better parent economically challenged with a disability than some rich guy who thinks of kids as a status symbol.

In short--you do what YOU believe is right when it comes to marriage and family.

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It's not actually a race, it only is if you a desperate to have kids, and usually that mainly matters if you're the one giving birth.