Banned from POF

Post Reply New Topic

wait, a friend of yours does this to guys? why are you friends with her??? she sounds like a horrible person if that's the way she gets her light entertainment. that's really really really low. like wow. and she films it too. what class.

Former friend actually, got tired of putting up with her behavior.

I didn't assume you were talking about me, it's just that in the junk shot discussion things I said were being taken out of context by some to argue a point that I found offensive. I'm a live and let live kind of guy, but intolerance is a bit of a trigger for me.

Your post didn't contain any such offensive notions, it just bothered me that more fuel was going in that fire.

Fair enough. I've seen bad behavior from both men and women when it comes to dating, so I can't offer much advice except stay away from POF?

Even though I met my late fiance on POF, he was the only person on there whose profile struck me as genuine and/or not a full-blown trailer trash redneck (note that I'm talking about the area where I live, since I have no knowledge of the membership base in other parts of the country). In general, I found OKC members to be a MUCH higher class of people, although it certainly also has its fair share of wackos.

I've tried both OKC and POF. Haven't really had much luck with either. I don't think the problem is the websites, I think it's me.

I suspect I'm doing something off-putting when I write profiles or when I send messages to people, because I very rarely find someone who will even reply.

I see no reason to report you to POF. But humans are know for being creatures who succumb to bitterness and malice when someone makes them feel bad.

You probably really upset her, not that what she did was rational. I think just leave it as an experience and move on.

My first impression after reading that is that you made her up, tbh.
Oh well.

You're entitled to your opinion.

StrangeG, I don't know what you do for work, but do you get that if the ratio's 25:1, guys sending offending nudes v. women sending offending nudes, and the people running a site are running a business, that it's burdensome to sort through the men's photos and catch all the offending photos? I mean they're not running a public service, this is for profit.

If it was your business, and you wanted to expend the effort and money to catch all the stuff those guys were sending, you could do that. Few people would. And strictly speaking, you're right, it's discriminatory practice. However, if you want a pof to exist, this is probably how it has to be. Because if you ban women from sending photos, the guys will leave.

They're making no judgment on you. It's not about you at all.

What's interesting to me is how, in so many of these conversations that have to do with "large numbers of men do bad thing and make serious problems, so all men wind up paying for it", the overwhelming response from guys is BUT IT'S NOT ME HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME THAT DOESN'T APPLY TO ME. Which is totally different from what would happen in this scenario:

I walk into a store and a security guard stops me, tells me women have to wear a monitor inside the store.
I get all pissed off, sexism etc.
Guard explains that they have this problem with shoplifting and it's overwhelmingly women, in fact quite a large proportion of women are shoplifting.
I say, Wtf, are you serious?
He says, Yes ma'm, stats here.
I look at stats.
And my attitude changes.
I look at stats source and realize this is very likely real.
My attitude changes the rest of the way.
I decline to shop with a monitor, but leave shaken, convinced that something very f**ked-up is happening with women, and that I need to find out what it is and see if this is something I need to lend a hand in correcting.

Notice how this doesn't end in my accusing the guard of calling me a shoplifter. (He hasn't.)
Nor does it end in my demanding he recognize that I'm not a shoplifter. (I don't actually care what he thinks.)
Notice also how this doesn't end in my calling him sexist.
Notice how it doesn't involve my hammering him with stats about men's shoplifting. Because it doesn't matter. What matters is that suddenly, some freaky large proportion of women are shoplifting, and this means there's a real problem amongst women.

Suppose this turns out to be a rather large and complicated problem that's not going to be solved quickly. In the meantime, I recognize that stores have reason to be guarded; however, I do have to shop, and I don't feel it's fair that I should have to be monitored when I shop. After all, I don't shoplift. Lots of other women feel the same way.

So we get together with the stores to hammer something out. They don't want to have to screen women at the entrance to the store. We get that. Someone says, "can we do something then like a frequent-traveler deal, where you vet us ahead of time, we get some sort of tag, you know we're not trouble at the door, and we go about our shopping business without the security rig?" Business says: this is expensive. Women say: Fine, we'll just shop a lot less and maybe sue you, because honestly. Business changes its mind about how expensive it is. So on we go, and in the meantime, this issue with the large number of shoplifting women remains on the radar, we're working on it, and over time maybe we get the rates down, like way down.

Notice the sense of social responsibility involved there. If more men reacted the same way to the various harassment/discrimination/violence-against-women issues bubbling now, things would be much better for everyone.

I am truly shocked that arguing in favor of equality, in favor of men and women treating each other with respect and honesty, has made me the object of so much bitterness.

This is not the place for honest, rational discussion I thought it was.

This will be my last post, I'm cancelling my account. I'm sure this will be cause for celebration for some, but I am genuinely hurt.

I'm not trying to solicit an apology or win an argument. Whatever the response to this post is, I will not see it. My only reason is posting this goodbye it to suggest the users of this site consider that many of it's users are sensitive people who have already experienced more than their fair share of cruelty.

StrangeG, there's no bitterness above. Not from me, anyway.

last I checked the government doesn't keep stats on who sends nude photos. is this of scientist studies.

when I hear about this it is almost always from women. I do believe that men do it I don't believe its most men.

I am beginning to see the pov that others say that you have something against males.
you can not have polled all guys. so you can't say a large number send nude photos. I am willing to bet that most men don't do bad things, or this world would be in destruction. just as criminals don't represent the majority of the population the guys that do bad things don't represent the majority of men.

25% of the guys do a bunch of bad things, but you don't see the ones not doing bad things. same as why feminism has a bad name with bunch of people, the extremist of any group will get more attention and it will feel lie they are the majority when in reality they aren't.

just as it feels like the us is 50/50 democrat and republican , when in reality most people are neither.

you tell men that just cause most of the women they have dealt with are vindictive B____ that doesn't mean that most women are.

yet you deal with men who do bad things and say that its most men and that the few who don't have to suffer for them in fix it.

so 25% of guys do bad things and the other 75% have to pay for it. I can't control what some As***le does just as you can't control what some gold digger B***h does. the difference is we don't tell you that you need to go wrangle them in and get them to stop.

sly, you don't have to tell me to do it. I'm already there. That was part of the point of what I just wrote: If a significantly large number of women were creating a serious problem -- shoplifting -- then I'd want to know what in hell was going on with these women, and what I could do to help reverse the trend.

Many women really do take it very seriously when groups of women are doing socially destructive things. There's been a new trend, the last decade or so, of girls running in violent gangs. That's the subject of much study and intervention work by -- guess who? -- women. Every single-mom forum I've been on has women taking other women to task for saying unkind things about their exes, being vindictive, or trying to "win" by being aggressive in getting money or property settlements. It's not conducive to a good life for the children, and it's not a good example for anyone, taking advantage of others. Some of those fora will actually ban women if they don't knock it off. Result: they do.

There are a ton of programs to teach girls to be self-sufficient, have self-confidence, not feel that they have to rely on men, and be proud of being independent. Who're they run by? Women. They mitigate strongly against the idea that you can't make it on your own, so your best bet is to go get money from men. And they work. There are now more women in college than men. In households with children, women now often outearn men.

When it comes to misogyny and issues related to sexual harassment -- among which uninvited pictures of privates might be counted -- it seems men listen better to men than they do to women. So unless men are willing to help with this, it looks like a lot of damaging behaviors are going to go on. No, not every man does these things. Maybe not even the majority. But one hell of a lot do, and y'all don't wear signs telling us who's a goodie and who's a baddie.

In this case -- the pof case -- that's pof's own decision to ban photo-sending from guys. Why? Because apparently they couldn't keep up with the dick pic volume. And they said, "f**k it, that's it." I doubt sincerely they sat around having a philosophical argument about what proportion of the male population on pof was sending these photos. I bet they just said, "f*****g A, we are spending our entire lives deleting penises. Enough. Not even accepting photos anymore from people with penises." Discriminatory? Yes. So sue them. However, don't be surprised if a win means depopulated dating sites (women leave when the offensive messages get to be too much; men leave if they can't see photos of women), and don't then cry because it's harder to meet women.

If you want things to be better for men in general, including yourself, I'd suggest working with other men to decrease the incidence of the problems.

I like men who don't treat other people poorly. But no, I don't like harassment and violence, and I'm not particularly down with either minimizing the problem or pretending that it's ignorable just because, you know, sly and StrangeG are gentlemen.

I could care less about pof not letting men share private photos. why does anyone on there have private photos. post photos of you that are ok to be seen in public, when you talk more and exhchange numbers then if she wants she can ask for private photos.

My problem is with your attitude.

in case you haven't noticed. men here have ASD, we aren't social leaders in our communities, so how do you expect us to get those bad men to stop their ways?

by sitting in the corner amongst ourselves saying that they are bad. we already do that. you should take your thoughts to celebrities, politicians, and popular people. those are the people who can adjust society trends not the anti social people.

non of the men I've meet or known have been any way like the men you talk about. I've only heard of them from women complaining on yahoo questions or in their dating ads and they are not in the majority of women on dating sites.

how do you plan to address the good amount of women who still like to play games with men to get what they want?

women don't wear signs either, but I treat each woman as a good nice person until proven otherwise. I don't assume they are guilty until proven otherwise. it's just as bad as those who know lots of sluts so they treat every woman as a slut.

we don't have the problems you talk about here. you live in California right?

it's not just me and him , its millions of men probably 75% of men are good people. same with women. you can't judge those 75% on the other 25%

The problem is that you started talking about sex on the first date. Don't ever do that. I have no idea why you banned on the site though. Most dating sites, including free ones like OKCupid, try to ensure that using their service is safe for everyone. That means for example, that they'll ban someone or delete their profile if a date reported them as stalker or potential date rapist. It depends on what this girl told the mods and administrators on that site and what the site policies are.

Concerning the original poster and the girl, could it be just the same-old same-old you are an Aspie and you missed something social that got her mad or freaked her out? The "What did I do?" simple as that? It has happened to me. Something you will have to learn to live with.

Concerning getting back on to POF, sorry no clue. I would take the other people's advice and just drop it. Again, it might be an Aspie thing, you get fixated on something and you can't let it go. Personally guilty of this as well. I see my son doing it too.