Does this count as a date?

Post Reply New Topic

I know, eh? Yeah, servers have a lower minimum. Tipping is entrenched.

My advice is have fun. and if you really like this girl ask her out again.

Agreed.

She canceled on me.

It's probably because of something I said. Or something I didn't say.

Sorry about that, buddy. This totally came out of the blue.

Did she give a reason why she cancelled?

Maybe you could propose another date to meet.

She said she's "unable to meet this weekend"

She said she'd see me at the conference on Friday.

It's not a rejection. She probably just couldn't make it. She might not want to tell you why. It might be something with her family--who knows?

It's not that she thinks it's "none of you business"--it's just that it might be something embarrassing.

This is why we have "social rules"--so people won't get embarrassed.

You could ask her again at the conference.

That's a bummer. Sorry to hear it.

Is it possible that you many have made her feel nervous by asking for her number in front of another co-worker? It may not have been intentional but in her place I might have felt that you were trying to show possession of me...by making our status know to others. But I'm kinda nuts, so I could be way off.

Also:

Keep in mind: text messages often don't have emotional content in them--so they seem cold.

Text messages, I believe, are similar in intent to Western Union telegrams in the old days. Telegrams, because Western Union charged by the word (or sometimes even the letter), were very limited in content. They might say "Could not make it this weekend." This does not mean anything. It would have cost quite a few dollars/pounds, etc. if the person sending the telegram put more words in.

Of course, text messages are not charged by the word or letter--but the minimalist spirit remains.

I waited until we had a moment alone. I encountered her in the kitchen. We were alone. I asked if I could have her number and without hesitation she said I could but then I remembered I left my phone back in the office. By the time I had retrieved it there was another guy in the kitchen. She waited until she had left. I didn't mention anything about phone numbers in front of him. I haven't mentioned anything about my interest in her in front of anyone else there (because I find it a little embarrassing to talk about stuff like that when I have an audience).

That is very true.

In my paranoia, even if she canceled in a nice way (which she did) I'd think she'd lost interest in me and was trying to let me down gently. I guess without any evidence I shouldn't speculate.

I'd find it impossible not to speculate. You just should try to speculate in a more positive way.

But I can't decide if I should attempt to continue this anyway. Her looks are average and her personality? She has a good personality but it seems very different to mine. We have little common interest and radically different lifestyles. She's very smart, she's cultured, she has strength of character but we have little common ground.

So far her main appeal for me is that she's the only girl who's shown interest in me in ages. But if that's not enough, if I asked her out again would I just be wasting her time and mine? I don't know. Maybe we'd gone along OK. Who knows.

Smart, cultured, strong of character--great traits for a lady!

Maybe pursue her as a friend, without "friend-zoning" her? Perhaps, one day, her perfume might set your wheels in motion.

I guess...if you don't feel physically to her...that you shouldn't pursue her with avidity just yet.

Maybe, when you're in her company, feelings might emerge.

I know how it feels to "make love" to somebody whom I don't find attractive--it's an ordeal!

In actuality, she sounds like a swell person worthy of getting to know.

Agh, not perfume! That would set of my olfactory issues.

I've never noticed her wearing perfume and I don't think she will because her sensory issues are more severe than mine anyway.

As for attraction, I feel like a cad for saying this but let's say she has the wrong body type.

I'd feel like an überjerk if I told her but I think she already knows. I think she tries but unlike me she can't go on crash diets because they would make her unable to play ice hockey. Unlike me she can't take phentermine because it might be considered a performance enhancing substance (according to Google).

Also she doesn't like video games

If I were to pursue this, just how much common interest do you need in a relationship?

I guess we could just go to the symphony on weekends and I have hunch she'd like theater.
/speculation

Symphony? Theatre? A heck of a lot better than banging around a mosh pit!

I wouldn't mind it if my wife wanted to go to the Symphony once in a while.

Is she an Aspie too? You mentioned "sensory issues worse than yours."

Like I said, if you don't feel physically attracted to her, I wouldn't pursue that avenue until you "feel" it. It's good, though, that you feel like a "virtuous" relationship would work (which could lead to physical attraction later). Definitely don't think about "going steady" LOL

I don't think ice hockey is bad, either, by the way. At least she's on the healthy side.

There's somebody here who is a music composer--yet was a star first-baseman and power hitter for her softball team in her youth.

I don't remember if you're into sports at all. I used to enjoy watching rugby and Australian Rules Football when I was a kid--they used to come on early in the morning--even before the cartoons.

Yeah, she seems to be really classy. She appeals to the side of me that likes culture more than my geek side. But if I can bring her down to something less high brow maybe she'd like one of my old favourites, a show from the Theater Organ Society.

Yes, she's an Aspie.

Yes in some ways she's very healthy. She can do stuff all day and never runs out of energy or even seems to get tired. I'd just be more attracted to her if she could get her BMI down from 40. It would be rude of me to say that to her although based on what I saw her eating that might take care of itself.

No, I've never had any interest in sports. They had that stuff on TV in America? And if it was when you were a kid that would have been before they had cable, right?