Why does dating have to be a game?

Page 6 of 6 [ 82 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

01 Feb 2015, 3:36 am

Huey wrote:
Well, it has occurred to me that the dating format as we understand it could be a relic from a time when the word marriage had a different meaning than it does now. I don't necessarily wish to take a definitional approach, but just a few generations back, the connotations of marriage within society were more stark, and there was more disincentive for divorced and/or promiscuous people. This meant that weddings were more of a 'point of no return', and dating was undertaken more rigorously.
I realize this probably isn't breaking news to anyone, but it makes me think: have we held onto the concept of a wedding as the ultimate goal of the dating game, while our attitudes toward the word itself have shifted? I sense that the phrase 'long term relationship' has essentially taken the place of the word marriage, while dating has remained unchanged, and it leaves us unclear as to what we should try for and expect in and from a relationship. I don't think this is much of a problem for the (ahem) normal people, since it seems to work for at least some of them, but for individuals of our particular mental flavor, the subtleties cause conflict between what we conceive verses perceive.
This was much more coherent in my head a little while ago, sorry. There's a lot of angles to think about.


Yes, marriage was more like a contract that it wasn't ok to break. Today it is acceptable to divorce, which makes marriage less of a contract (and in fact less of a commitment as well). In fact, there is no real contract or firm commitment at all today.

As for dating, I don't think dating a few generations back is in any way similar to dating today. Also, engagement was a more serious affair back then, and probably can be compared to today's long-term relationships (minus the regular sex part).



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

01 Feb 2015, 3:38 am

jadw wrote:
You can treat dating as a game with an end goal (sex, marriage, long term relationship, etc) or you can treat it as a means to meeting new people in bars / cafes. Experience has shown me that the problems happen if I become emotionally invested in the game. Rejections become painful, serial rejection causes negativity, and negativity reduces confidence, which leads to giving up and feeling bitter about it.


Yes, that's why you need more thorough testing before getting emotionally involved.