Afraid of being alone forever?

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People with AS =/= like minded people.

I hear you, Lazar.

I'm not talking about people's individual situations. Obviously, not knowing the person, I can't judge.

I'm talking in general, and from my experience. I could have easily turned out to be a total "give-up artist" (and sometimes I am a "give-up artist"--hence, my ability to offer advice on this).

In my experience, many people sell themselves short.

I'm personally not afraid of being alone forever, its something that bothered me a lot in the past when i was seriously depressed but it was only one of a couple issues. It's only one part of my life, yes now that I'm 22 I'm seeing a lot of friends starting to get engaged or even have children but if i miss out on all that then its still ok. I can still travel the world, meet some great people, continue to improve playing the guitar etc

There's a great chance that i will find somebody eventually, there's been a couple people Ive liked who haven't felt the same. I've had a creepy stalker, a date that didn't go well ,and recently was planning to go on a date with a girl from work that never ended up happening. Eventually something good will come up at least that's what i think and if its doesn't then no bother.

Your approach is a cool approach I find, Hoggy.

Female aspie here. I'm in a similar situation: 19 and I have never dated anyone. I can honestly say that I would be open to dating anyone, but I'm too afraid of rejection to open up. For now, I'm focusing on school because it feels safer. I do want to meet someone, but I can't tell when someone likes me and I'm afraid of trying to initiate a relationship myself.

Anyway, join a club or do anything to meet people. That's the best advice I have. Find people who like the same things you do. They don't even have to be "like-minded", though it does help.

You need to invite others, sometimes you need to be pro-active.

Look, things will become harder the older you get, after college, forming friendships will become even harder, all people would have already formed their social circles and it would be very hard to penetrate one if you don't have your own.

Think of social circles as ...circles on paper, there are often some intersections between some circles (mutual friends), this how people expand their socialization, if you are just a single point outside of all it would be very hard to socialize so you have to belong to at least a circle.

I'll probably start tuning you out after this since it's becoming apparent that I'm wasting my time.

I'm not dying alone and unloved just because I realize I'm better off without a half-hearted animalistic arrangement for cohabitation. If anything such an arrangement would make me feel FAR more lonely and used. If I'm going to devote my life, my time and my mind to someone else I'd rather do it right, and for the right reasons.
The idea that not having a human blanky makes you unloved is really childish and short-sighted. What if you happen to be loved and don't love to the same degree in return? What if you happen to be loved, but you see every single sign that the relationship is going to damage you? I've rejected relationships on both counts.

The outlook and set of assumptions you seem to have are not just insulting to others, they're unserviceable to you.



The person that uses every single topic in this forum as an excuse to air his own ignorance and sheltered views about women (an image of a monkey flinging his own poo at walls comes to mind) is complaining that I just like to hear myself talk. I'm sorry, what would be modest enough for your tastes, a powerpoint presentation? Would bullet points be more your speed? I wasn't even bothering with advice, there's no point in giving advice to someone who seems to be quite taken with using his own rectum as a balaclava and acts like it's something revolutionary.

Not only are you someone that defaults to seeing women in childishly unrealistic terms, you insist on irrationality even when the flaws in your reasoning are outlined/spoonfed to you over and over. You don't seem to want to take any answer that doesn't line up with your biases or doesn't exclusively place the responsibility for your own decisions on others because accepting any answer that requires you to take responsibility for your own choices would require a fair deal of painful growth.
A nice, diplomatic way to call it is an outer locus of control.

You want women to willingly commit themselves to a relationship where they perceive they will be little more than tools, and seethe when faced with the fact no one on their right mind would accept those terms. It's a set of worldviews and a personality that are short sighted and completely out of touch with reality, not bitterness. You're letting your ego prevent you from growing up.



An Aspie that actually went through the ordeal of developing (invariably patchy, if serviceable) social skills won't magically become cured at all and it doesn't make them fake (Asperger's isn't some crappy tree-house club, and it's sad that you need to nitpick at other's achievements for comfort, btw). There are plenty of careers out there that don't place a premium on social skills, finding the best fit for you is something only you can do. You want easy/spoonfed, this isn't easy, nothing worthwhile ever is. It isn't impossible either though.

Aside from the inherent satisfaction of doing something that gives you fulfillment, a career makes for a more stable, straightforward anchor/axis for wellbeing than another human being does. Shifting your source of fulfillment to something that isn't a person makes your happiness independent from others. This in itself makes life substantially simpler and more satisfactory. (it follows then that you could do the exact same thing with a hobby rather than a career). All the time you waste ruminating on why others won't feel as you want them to could be used for something constructive and useful.

If you need me to tailor it to you any further than this, you're basically asking me to sell it to you, and things get too personal for such an exercise to be meaningful.

BTW, it seems you just completely disregarded what I said before or you wouldn't be asking this.



Whenever did I ever, ever mention social status? The fact you're bringing this up suggests you're too focused on how your actions can be used to manipulate others, rather than what it means to you as an individual.
And sex is just as meaningful to women as it is to men, what we don't really care for is the all-too-common view that our lives should revolve around being masturbation aids to men (we have to question every single time sex comes up whether we're seen as people or as tools/prey by our partner). We're already expected to dumb ourselves down enough as it is, enough is enough.




You seem pretty focused on finding some kind of formula/pattern to manipulate women for sex, so you're every bit as conniving as you say women are and grossly hypocritical ontop of that (all too common and always repugnant). Men and women are every bit as manipulating as one another, they just take different routes.

BTW your so called "noble pursuit of sex and earthly pursuits" comes across more as holding yourself and others to feral/subhuman standards and dismissing anything beyond that level as too lofty. It's a dime-a-dozen, conformist mentality that drains the colour out of living entirely. To echo your own sentiment: I wouldn't expect this sort of intellectual mediocrity out of a "TRUE" aspie. e_e

You don't really need another human being for what you are after, a toy will do. Things like thoughts, personalities and individual identities just seem to be obstacles/noise to you, so toys may suit you better actually.

It got worse, they are bickering AND flinging poop now.

Again, I don't know how this supposedly refutes my point. If you'd rather be alone for the rest days rather than settling down for someone else other than the perfect guy, that's YOUR choice. Not all of us feel that way though.

Also, I can forgive you not being useful to me, what I can't forgive is you subjecting me to your verbal diarrhea masquerading as advice. Again, if you love the sound of your own voice so much, go talk to the walls and spare me.



Nothing here for me to reply to, it's just strawman and mindless drivel.



More useless drivel and strawman, here though, there are a few things I feel I must correct.

First, "invariably patchy, if serviceable" social skills may be enough for a woman, because society is more lenient towards them and doesn't really demand much of them in that way (or any way, for that matter). So long as you're not complete c***s, you'll be fine. Not so with us, being passable isn't good enough if you're a man, you're expected to excel.

Second, people want what they want, and I DON'T want a career. Again, I can sort of understand why focusing on career could be seen as a recourse for you as a woman; if you failed to acquire social status (your main pursuit in life) through the traditional way, i.e. marrying a high-status male, you could try turning to your career and gain status. But I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOCIAL STATUS (remember, for men, status is worthless in and of itself, we just use it to trade for the things we want), and I don't even like working. What the f**k does a career have to offer me?



Blah, blah, blah, more strawman. Tell me, does painting me as an evil, would-be manipulator of women make it easier for you to disregard the obvious truths I mentioned?




More strawman.

Also, is this the part where I'm supposed to pretend I'm somehow above animalistic desires and urges, even though human beings are animals themselves? Well, I'm not. So now what?

Also, don't think that just because you women don't like sex, you're somehow above us. Again, I find your mental games and ploys for meaningless social status equally sickening and disgusting. If you think that's above the pursuit of simple, and REAL, earthly pleasures, then you're the one who's sick in the head.

But women DO like sex. Sometimes, they want it more than the "average" man.

I'll believe it when I see it.

I've seen it, and I know it.

I was once practically raped by a woman--and it wasn't because of my virtue, nor my looks. I was just THERE.

Good for you.

Like it said...I had nothing to do with it. It wasn't because of my desirability. I was just there "at the right time." We didn't last long.

Whatever, man.