lack of understanding emotion in relationship?

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Does anyone else experience difficulty with emotions and their role in relationships/comforting others?

I ask because..
I'm in a relationship with a dear friend of mine, I adore her very much but I really fall short on understanding emotional issues..

I can't relate to her or calm her because I've either never experienced what she's going through (as I learn by experience) or her emotional responses are too extreme for me to fully comprehend..

I feel really inadequate right now, she's not blaming me or anything. She understands I'm trying my best. But I'm not helping and I want to help because she matters to me.. It seems like all my questions to understand what's bothering her is just frustrating her more and more. I wish I could read minds or be better at understanding this.. whatever it is.

For me emotional support is really a friend or partner saying that it is okay for me to feel the way I feel. It is important to ask a person what helps them when they feel down/depressed. Ask her when she is not distressed. Even doing a simple thing can make a huge difference. When I am upset my friend buys me a hot chocolate and lets me rant. You don't have to know what it is like for a person to be empathetic but you need to accept that what ever is happening is causing them trouble or hurting them.

You need to ask the person what they want from you and what you could do. Sometimes they just want to have another listen and acknowledged how they feel without judgement. Sometimes doing something nice like cooking dinner or helping clean the house.

If someone tells me that the sun is shinning when I am depressed I get angry and say things like" It was shinning the day I was born and will most likely be shinning the day I die."

Yes, we do have difficulty in understanding other people emotions. Some of them we can understand because we learned to, but unlike NTs, we lack the Theory of Mind. So if someone else is going through complex emotions in a complex scenario it's really hard for us to put ourselves in their shoes to understand what they are feeling. We may imagine what they are feeling, but a lot of times they are feeling more complex emotions that we didn't imagine.