Getting help with dateing
31 Jan 2015, 12:34 pm
I am a 33 year old man and single and would like to get into a long term relationship and start a family but am having allot of problems meeting a suitable partner and feel the time window for having children is passing me by. I have made other related posts e.g.
I am considering getting help from a dating couch and was wondering if anybody has had experience of this as they can look at subconscious issues which are stop you achieve this. I believe some of this was caused by me trying to learn to fit in. What I mean by this is people say you should should do this in this situation and that in another without taking into account that each situation is different. I also have another post on this topic
You are busy focusing on something and miss judge a situation and as a result you make a social mistake and you are an adult over 25.
Somebody points the mistake out too you in public and you feel embarrassed and humiliated and patronized as you were focusing on something else and they are spelling out something obvious. I also feel that as adults we need to work things out for ourselves and not live off other peoples advice all the time.
I feel they could be doing this for one of some of the following reasons:
1. They are a family member and are trying to help you.
2. They are trying to increase there ego by taking the moral high ground.
3. They are in a bad mood and use this to take it out on you.
4. This particular thing happens to be a bug bear of theirs.
5. They are doing it to impress somebody (partner / Friend)
If you have any knowledge of psychology and would like to explain the scientific side of it that would also be much appreciated.
Please don't tell me about ways of coping without as this is important to me.
Your comments please.
02 Feb 2015, 4:35 pm
As you are a male, you will theoretically be able to father children at any point in your life and the lower bound on the age of your potential mates is about 20 years old while the upper bound is as old as you care to date.
I imagine though you would like a woman around your age who is ready to start a family. That would probably be most single women in your age range. From a womans perspective, the biggest obstacle women at this point in their life face is hostility and negative stereotypes by men who think these women are "desperate", or men who have become bitter from being single for so long or who are scarred by divorce, that they have come to hate women and will not give these women and themselves a chance at what could be a very nice relationship.
That being said, this gives you an advantage you did not have in your 20s. An abundance of women who are mature enough to appreciate what really matters in a partner, who share your life goals, and over whom there is very little competition for.
I think the best approach is to be open with them. Tell them you are a little socially awkward and that you would like a woman to have a nice life with and start a family with.
The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Feb 2015, 6:57 pm
After ~35, most women suffer a pretty large drop in fertility rates and successful pregnancies, so assuming that he is dating someone his own age then that factors in. Also, around the same age men often start to have fertility issues due to lower-quality sperm. Couples who have children after 35 are at a higher risk of having a child with birth defects or developmental disabilities.
03 Feb 2015, 8:55 pm
Dating coach are for the most part awful. They only teach you on how to manipulate a woman into a relationship and you end up with a superficial relationship. Not what you are looking for.
What are you currently doing to meet women ? Is there any places you go regularly that could help you meet new people ?
04 Feb 2015, 10:03 am
I am in my late 50s, and married. I think I know a few things about dating.
First, dating coaches are fine for advice, but unless they're running a match-making service on the side, they're not much help in the initial introductions.
Second, check how you present yourself. Are you well-groomed? Long hair and beards may attract some women, but more women seem attracted to men with conservative haircuts and clean shaves. Are you well-dressed? Yes, jeans and a tee-shirt are great for working around the house, but "business casual" seems to project the image that you care about how you look (loafers, dress slacks and button-down shirt). Are you clean-looking? Your clothes should be fresh every day, washed and ironed. Your appearance and aroma should also indicate that you are on familiar terms with soap and water. Brush your teeth and floss at least once a day; few things scream "I am scum" louder than breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck.
Third, if you want women interested in you, then you must first be interesting to women. Do you have any mainstream hobbies like gardening, painting, or woodworking? Do you play an instrument or act in local theatre? Are you a published writer? Do you jog, ride a bicycle, swim, or enjoy long walks? Can you fly a plane, ride a horse, or pilot a boat?
Fourth, watch your temper. If you must express anger, do it out of her sight and hearing. Put away the gun and knife collections, too. Hide the handcuffs. Any woman will want to feel that she is safe with a man. She will not want to be afraid that you will suddenly lash out at her and become violent, or that you are likely to force yourself upon her in any way. Learn courtly manners, and put them into practice. Treat her sisters, friends, and family with cheerful respect, and never let them see you frown.
Fifth, if you have any addictions (drugs, alcohol, tobacco, porn, et cetera), then you must lower you expectations to the types of women who are either addicts themselves, or who are seeking someone to 'rescue'. Either way, such a woman will not likely perceive you as a complete person, but as someone who is just as bad as she is, or just plain 'broken'. Contempt and pity will form the basis of the relationship.
Finally, you must learn how to keep women interested in you. This is where a good education and a well-paying job come in. No, I don't mean to say that women are 'gold-diggers'. I mean that there are very few women who are willing to pay for every date, or be the only one buying gifts. I mean that education and employment are essential for giving the impression that you are ambitious and able to support yourself without mooching off of friends, family, or the State. Trust me on this, all else being equal, a woman is more likely to stick with a man who can pay his rent on time than a man who is always worried if he is going to be evicted.
There, that should do for now. This old dog has learned a few tricks, and most of them I've listed above.
Good luck!
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05 Feb 2015, 3:15 am
Hi there! There are a lot of people really with such a problem. You don't have to give up but try harder. Maybe you should try some online dating? Some of my friends have found their love using Kovla website and Tinder app for iOS. Just be more confident in yourself, everything is going to be fine!
