Are relationships always this complicated?

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My opinion, for what it's worth, is that the honorable thing to do is to leave her alone. The cat is out of the bad now. She knows you are not attracted to her and are just settling. This makes her feel horrible. Every time she sees you, she remembers you saying those words to her. She will take her anger out on you in passive ways. I have been in a relationship like this, and it is the thing I am most ashamed of in my entire life. After I came clean with her and told her the truth (that I was just using her), our relationship was never the same. She stayed with me because of low self-esteem but she did a lot of things to hurt me. Finally, I ended it for other reasons. However, I wish I had never gotten into that relationship. Also, I NEVER settle anymore. It is not fair to the other person, and it is a waste of my time. How can I find a good match with I am spending all my time with someone who I know isn't a good match? If you are not attracted to her and want to change her, that is a clue that she is not the one for you.

If a girl is a good match, the feelings are totally different. You admire her, almost worship her. If she feels the same way about you, you feel elated, humbled, and grateful that such a beautiful person thinks you are beautiful too. The feelings you describe having toward your current girlfriend are nothing like admiration, respect, awe, or worship. It sounds a lot more like disdain. It also sounds like you feel disdain for yourself because you are treating her poorly. You will feel a lot more guilt and self-reproach if you keep on with this relationship.

i don't think it is. living means another year of suffering and trying to adjust to the reality I am destined to be alone til I die.

This is going to come across simplistic, but it isn't: you can choose to want and find joy in things that are accessible to you. And what is accessible in a year will not be the same as what was accessible yesterday. Life holds surprises for us all; instead of insisting of drawing negative conclusions about is inside the package, allow yourself to savor the crinkle of the paper as you unwrap it.

meh, moping has already started, sad songs dark room crying.
I beat all the games I own, no more new games til december or later. no one to play the multiplayer games with, as hes always working and I don't know anyone else. have under 1k money left with taxes i just got back to last me a year and going cost at least 280 to fix my car which i wont' even be able to afford to drive due to cost to fix. it. I'm 27 now which is end of the dating road. so now I have nothing to look forward to except for maybe buying some guns when/if i get a job which seems quite unlikely.

;__; So it's already the end for me.

Yes but do you think everyone has it?

There are a lot of shallow guys out there (I should know). I don't think you'd get so hung up on looks as I did. If a plain looking girl similar to the one described in this thread declared her love for you, would you care about her looks at all?

I think you'd make a good father as well, unlike me. When gf said she eventually wants me to give her children, it had me contemplating getting a vasectomy.You may be right. Ever since our argument (and the one two days ago when I suggested she get ocular surgery) she's been much more cynical. She used to be so sweet and loving. Actually she was a bit too sweet. She was so sweet it was annoying. I think I like her better now that she's cynical.What did she do?OK but if you are happy with your current girlfriend do you really think that your past failed relationship hurts you in the present?At least you have time to beat your games. What good is having hundreds of games if I can't play them I'm so busy and exhausted. I just can't play games anymore. The only time I play games now is when gf comes over and that's mostly just to keep her happy. I'm so tired and I'm getting behind in my studies. I'm starting to think that going straight from unemployed to working near full time while being a student was a bad idea. I had a whole decade in which I could have gotten that diploma and then I put it off 'till the same year I get a job

couldnt say, you live in different society and culture. but in the us. 27 seems to be the end for men anyways.

Cmon, Sly!

Now, you're not being rational.

How is 27 the end for men? That makes no sense, sir!

I'm twice that age...exactly....and there's no end in sight for me!

At 27, I was not in a steady relationship. I was sleeping around (which is pretty much the same as having nobody at all). I just had a high school diploma. My job wasn't that great.

27 just might only the beginning for you! And I'm not being overly optimistic, or some jackoff with rose-colored glasses.

for love. if you haven't had any relationships by 27 then its not going to happen. women don't like 30 year old virgins who never had a gf. "if he hasn't had a gf by then something is seriously wrong with him. Avoid at all cost"

you'd had relationships even if they didn't last which is actually expected. unless you're a guy who has had relationships, and is well off financially 27 is the end. at 30 women want perfect guys who have relationship experience and are in a place to settle down buy a nice house and have kids. ie "have their stuff together".

sadly I'm just not the type of guy who can be truly happy being alone never touched with tons of objects. I've met some who are quite content just living alone with their cars and guns, or train sets etc. I'm just not. I've already obtained all that i need. Now I'm looking at buying things for just buying them. I likely won't use or need them, but what else do I have to live for. glock 42 for example is in a different caliber , its weaker, smaller, then i need. goes against my needing to go to from 5 calibers to 2-3 to afford to shoot. but meh. when I get a job I'll have extra money to spend but no real thing to spend it on. even still I eventually buy all that I want and temporary desire and be surrounded by objects I don't use and bought at some attempt to make up for not having love in my life. its scary rather then hopeful that I guess it should be. I use to look forward to buying things I wanted but not anymore, its just a depressingly repeating cycle that when it comes to an end is going be a big blow up. like desiring to buy another tv and expensive slitter so I can watch two things at once. >.> nothing to look forward to. also all birthdays does is to remind me another year closer to death and another failed pointless existence of life. should stop hijacking his thread though. sorry RetroGamer87

I, for one, don't want you to leave this earth.

You're going through a tough time now. I wish I had an immediate solution. I'm glad you haven't gone the prostitute route.

I know you enjoy your video games. There are more and more female gamers. Maybe you could hook up through the "gamer" sites.

Sly, did you not read this thread? About a 27 year guy who'd never been in a relationship and is now in one? That proves 27 isn't the end. It's just the number between 26 and 28.
You're not 30. A lot can happen in three years. My life was very different three years ago.

Also I've heard women say if a guy has never had a girlfriend it means he has less baggage, less exes to deal with. I've even heard twentyager women say they want their first time to be with another virgin because it makes it more special for them.Or if he has had one before and doesn't have one now, then girls will think, why did his ex dump him? It must be because there's something wrong with him.At 30 women aren't going to be impressed by how many exes you have. If you've got lots of exes, that won't make women think you're stable, responsible or good with long term relationships.Need for what? You're not thinking of using it for something you won't live to regret are you?

Just try to make it to the next birthday, and then the next one and so on.You don't want to spend it? Then save it. Women will think you're more responsible if you save. A lot of women have savings themselves and if you have savings too they'll think you're responsible like they are. When you begin a relationship you could make the down payment on a house.

Anyway, money isn't the only benefit of having a job. A job can also improve your self-image, improve other people's image of you, improve women's image of you, give you something to do, etc.Don't worry about it. I already hijacked goofygoober's thread anyway.Me either.I concur, there's just something cheap and tacky about that. I thought about it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.That's an excellent idea! perhaps World of Warcraft would be a good game to meet girls on. Or Maple Story (not a good game but girls really like it, the girls outnumber the guys).

One of the things I have to get used to with girls is that many of them like "girly" things. I guess that's just part of the territory. If you live with a girl you might have to tollerate having a few pink things around your house. I might have to tolerate having GF's Hello Kitty dolls alongside my Lego Technic trucks.

You have a bad habit of reaching self-defeating and incorrect conclusions. 27 isn't the end. It's the beginning.

The best decade of my life was my 30s.

My husband was 37 when we got married; I was 36. We were both 34 when we started dating.

Not everyone lives on the same time table, and while I know you posted some valid concerns in a later post in this thread, obstacles are generally not insurmountable. Will a woman wonder how you made it to 30 with no experience? Yes. Is that a deal breaker? No. Just tell her that it took time for you to find your road in life, and that dating was difficult during the time you were searching. That is an accurate and completely acceptable explanation and, while it won't work for the kinds of women you shouldn't be with anyway, it will work for most women. It will work for the kind of woman that you should be with, and isn't that going to be all that matters?

One step at a time. Keep moving forward. Give your future time to find you.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 26 Feb 2015, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

RetroGamer87, I'm rather enjoying your evolution on the last two pages. Just wanted you to know that. Hope things work out for you.

Exactly!
I met my first boyfriend through MMO game Perfect World when I was 24. I was not even interested in relationships back then and I actually thought I am unable to form a relationship with anybody, especially not a guy. I was even wondering if I actually have the ability to love someone. Yet it happened.

to retro gamer: my ex-girlfriend knew I felt guilty for hurting her so she used it against me. She kept having me do stuff for her, taking advantage of me. I couldn't say no because I felt guilty. She also made a lot of snide remarks. We got into a lot of arguments. She said some really hurtful things to me. I think it was to get back at me. She even said so herself.

Did my mistakes in the past hurt me? No. They are learning experiences. I look for the lessons when I make decisions and they don't turn out well.

He's evolving to a ModernGamer?