How does one behave on a 'second date'?

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You could offer to pay--that might be really cool, actually.

Just make sure you have the bucks (money!). I've had times, when I was young, when I had trouble paying the check (because I only had an allowance, and no job!). I even ran out on a check once (of course, that was almost 40 years ago!)

If she refuses, it doesn't means she's not interested in you--it might be that she's one of those who are trying not to fall into some kind of "gender role."

It's not about the paying I have offered and she has said no a few times but ive been wanting to convince her.

I want to say it to casually mention it's a date, that's all.

I've decided I will do it. Couldn't hurt..

To tell you the truth, I don't think you should mention that it's a date.

It should be obvious, if you offered to pay, that it's a date.

I just don't see the use in it--but if you feel like it's right.....

Then so be it. I've got my ideas, and a few ideas for the third time I see her as well.

Thank you all!

Things went very well. Almost perfect.

I even hugged her gently goodbye.

I don't know though. When and after I hugged her I felt a sudden feeling of sadness.

I mean, yes, I definitely enjoyed hugging her and it definitely felt good, but just this feeling of sadness came out of nowhere.

I said I had a great time tonight, I'll see you at school, etc. Then when I was walking I looked back and said "I'm a friendly guy!" and waved once more before walking back home...

We agreed to see each other a third time as well...

I tried to suggest somewhere else but, the truth is there is almost nothing to do in our city and we both agree on that.

So, same place, except at a much earlier time span.

Instead of waiting an entire week to see her again will be seeing her Thursday or Friday if she's not busy...

Which brings me to my new question: What will I do/say the THIRD time?

I even told her about my aspergers.

Apparently her brother has it along with a few other people in her family and one of her friends as well who I have spoken to before.

She honestly said she had NO IDEA, couldn't recognize and didn't know until I told her.

She did note she thinks I'm a fair bit unique and in her words 'aggressive' (because she believes Aspergers is associated with aggression based on her own experiences) but said that I am doing very well for someone with aspergers...

You're doing well. Especially if she has agreed to a third date, then that means that she likes you. You also don't only have to talk to her while on a date with her. You can also talk to her at school or you can write her a note and leave it on her desk.

Just continue to do what you're doing. I think "planning" should be placed out of the process now. You've told her you have Asperger's. Just be yourself. No BS flirting--only true flirting!

I would recommend that you don't go out of your way to see her in school. if you see her, fine.....but don't make your presence known constantly. That might creep her out.

The thing is, she doesn't feel the same way about me emotionally. Only as a friend (so far). And didn't see it as a date but just another 'hangout'.

She's said she has ADD and a poor memory so even if I am more expressive with my feelings she has probably forgot about our interactions a bit. She vaguely remembered what happened last time.

I am getting at a point where I am basically stuck.

I asked to see her a third time and yeah she said yes but she still doesn't see our little hangouts as 'dates' but just that - hangouts.

Honestly, I am getting at a point where I just want to make a move, but Im not sure how. Next time I see her, if we have a great time I just want to honestly and genuinely ask her if she would like to start a relationship with me. But I want to take things slow and get to know her first a bit more, and want to see how things would go and how far we would get.

Honestly i am not afraid to admit even if i have feelngs for her that doesnt guarantee things would go well. It's possible i myself might not end up enjoying being in a relationship with her who knows.

But either way im just not sure what to do anymore at this point i just want to go out, have a great time like last time, then ask her if she wants a relationship.

Maybe I should solve the 'miscommunication' first though. She hasn't seen our hangouts as dates. How could I possibly say that's what I thought we were doing?

Could I ask her if she wants a relationship and THEN say i thought these were our dates or mention that these meetups have been dates FIRST?

If she says "yes" to a relationship, I wouldn't mention anything about your first two meetings being "dates." I believe it's foregone conclusion that they were--the precursors to the relationship.

If she disagrees--who cares? You're in the relationship NOW (if she does say "yes"). All your future get-togethers will be "dates." It's irrelevant, really, the "status" of your previous get-togethers.

I don't think making a sexual move now would be well-received by her--I just get that sense.

I would talk about how you have much in common (writing, other things you might not have mentioned), and how good you feel when you hang out with her.

Yes I briefy though about kissing her but quickly abandoned the idea becausei knew she would not take it well.

She accepted my goodbye hug but of course she wasn't lining up for me to do it either but it did not ruin things for me with her.

The status of our previous meetups?

Realistically speaking she really didn't see anyof them as 'dates'.

She did mention she belives other peple are takingour interactons "the wrong way" (for example, one of our teaers who likes to joke wit his studens and generaly mess around with them said we were flirting). By what she has said I just think she sincerely believes I am only interested in a friendship regardless of how well I have expressed my feelins.

I did flirt with her a lot more when I saw her yesterday too. I said I wanted to see her 'sexy, sexy selfies' (she likes t take pictures of herself on her computer and isoften embarrassed by them). I joked around little saying she was 'cute. in a monstrous sort of way' but also sincerely said I do tink she looks very pretty in the pictures but I personally like her hairmore when it is curly, and not straight (like I was in the photos).

I also did more than this many more things.

Either way so maybe I shouldn't bring up that I thought we were 'dating'.

Maybe like you say I should just see her a third time, and have a lot of fun wit her againm then ask if se wuld like t be in a relationship with me.

I have tought about this method too.

I was going to say something along te lines of:

"I'm going to be honest and straightforward with you: I've had a lot of fun with you these past few weeks, getting to know you. I'd like to take things to a deeper level. I would like to know if you would like to be in a relationship with me. I want to see how things might go and how far we would go together."

I also want to mention that want to take things slow, and take the time to get to know her personally first (this is true. Even if she says Yes I won't just be jumping at her and kissng her or anyting. I'd want to be dating her for around a month before I even START getting affectionate wt her such as handholding, kisin, etc. Right now hugs are th only exception).

I also want to say I just want to be happy with the fact knowing 'I am seeing this nice girl rightnow' and she can say the same about me.

Thoughts?

This might come off as a bit too strong/forced.How can I express my interest and ask her if she is interested in beginning to date me in amuch more casual and natural way?

Normally when I see threads like this, I feel this ugly compulsion to jump on them and dominate them for 3 or 4 pages. So far, I've been resisting that urge with this thread, and with any luck I'll continue to do so.

So rather than go on and on with my usual spiel on effective dating for newbs, I just want to say this: I really, REALLY hope there are a lot of guys/gals reading this and taking notes. What you're doing is what it's all about. I'd only suggest letting this go on for a month, maybe two, and start having talks about a relationship.

Not sure I like the idea if you're still in school. I think 16 year olds have more important things to worry about. But as far as what to do to date and get into a relationship, you are most definitely on the right track.

I've frequently mentioned the odds of getting dates and getting into relationships are always against us. What you have done is move the odds closer in your favor. The relationship part is the scary part because there are always emotions getting in the way, whereas if you're just looking for a casual date nobody really gets bent out of shape if they get rejected--or at least they shouldn't (it's pointless to invest a lot in asking someone out).

My basic formula for moving a casual acquaintance into a relationship is, as you're aware, to move slowly. You've gotten to know each other, you're hanging out regularly. Nobody wants to SAY it, but you're essentially in a relationship already. You're already there. That's when one of you proposes to "make it official." If she kisses you or lets you kiss her, it's reasonable to assume you've arrived at an exclusive relationship. This isn't always necessarily true, btw, but it is reasonable. In my experience, the first kiss doesn't have to mean anything. But if it happens again, it might be helpful for one of you to ask the other "So…are we, like, a 'thing' now?" just to make sure you understand each other.

Just remember--emotions get pretty high at this stage. No matter what happens, it's all for the best. If things don't work out the way you want, give yourself time to be disappointed, and then move on quickly.

What's really interesting me right now is you mentioned folks are teasing you about this whole thing. That's interesting, and here's why: People tend to see things more objectively when they aren't so close to the situation. They might be seeing some mutual chemistry. Translation: She likes you and you're the only one not picking up on it. I don't know this for a fact, but perhaps it's worth it for you to find out what people familiar with the two of you think about all this.

From what you've told me, I don't think you should broach the subject of a relationship on your next date. I'd wait, like AngelRho stated, for another month or so to pass.

I wouldn't get so serious about it, talking about "taking it to a deeper level." I would just say something like: "I feel good when talk to you. I feel like we have lots in common, and that our conversation flows smoothly. I would enjoy it if we started 'seeing each other' more often. I would feel extremely honored to be in a relationship with you."

But I wouldn't do it on the next date.

I wish you kids continued to have the phrase "going steady"--that would have made it easier. All you'd have to say is: "Would you 'go steady' with me?"

When people "went steady" in the 1960s and 1970s, the guy also bought the girl a ring.

She has said many have mistaken her for flirting. She says she flirts without realizing and is unaware of it. This rules that possibility out.

It's more likely others have just seen our interactions and mistake it as a mutual interest in one another when it is a one-sided interest on my side.

This teacher also likes to mess with students and joke around and she herself said you just don't take him seriously when he says things like that.

I definitely know she does not feel the same way about me and I can easily see this. She has not accidentally lead me on or lead me to believe she wants anything more than a friendship than me.

But honestly, I just feel I cannot wait much longer.

She only considers me a friend NOW, what will taking much longer ever truly accomplish?

I want to take things slowly but not in the way you suggest.

If I only be her friend for an extra month or two, then she will only be able to see me as a friend.

I am still, barely in the area where we could just end up being friends, or we could decide to try a relationship.

I definitely feel she would say no, but I also feel that the next time I see her IS the best time to ask if she would like to be in a relationship with me.

It is not too early, nor too late.

In fact I feel it is bordering on too late. I'm on the line.

If I don't act now I just don't think I could live with myself. I have begun to accept that if she says yes, then I will definitely be happy.

But if she says no, then we will just be friends, and I am beginning to accept this and be just as happy with this.

If she never wants to speak again, then that is okay too. I will wallow in a little self-pity before trying to move on and learn from my mistakes.

I know what you are saying AngelRho but the one and only problem is like I have said she is just not interested in the exact same way.

She has not seen our hangouts as dates at all but purely hangouts.

I don't want to only hangout with her.

I need to transition from "two people hanging out" to "to people going out on DATES together and slowly building up a relationship to see how things would go and how far they would both get."

My feelings for her have become unhealthy. In the past few weeks I have only become more and more negative and angrier and angrier. I am obsessed and I know it.

I feel as though if she says no now then it would be much easier to move on.

My feelings or negativity and anger are just too strong and I cannot put up with it much longer.

The next time I see her, we need to have great fun, and then I will ask if she wants to be in a relationship. If instead of just hanging out with me she wants to start dating me and taking things slow.

If she says no I will keep my cool and back away.

If she says yes then that's good.

If she only wants to be friends I am okay with this as well. It would actually be nice to have an actual friend of the opposite sex for once.

But either way, I do not know how I could possibly do this.

I just want to have fun the next time I see her, and ask. And accept whatever answer she gives me...

I want to see her more and more the exact same ways as every other time, getting to know her personally. Accept I want to say I am 'dating' her, not hanging out with her.

And ask her if she can say this back.

I just feel another month is counter-productive.

She only sees me as a friend now, another month of doing the exact same things and treating each other the exact same way makes no progress.

It will only draw me deeper into a friendship.

Right now I feel like I still have the potential to start going out with her or just remain friends, but also feel on the border.

I myself have begun to uncontrollably identify her as a friend. For example today I suggested we could go to the other person's house instead of for coffee again, and I said I do not like my family disturbing me when I have a FRIEND over.

For modern teenagers it is known as the 'friendzone'. An area in a relationship where one person would NEVER be capable of having a romantic relationship with the other.

I don't personally believe in the friendzone and she herself is a unique person and very unconventional, but I still believe the 'possible relationship' area is slipping from my grasp and I really am reaching a point where she would never consider a relationship with me.

The way you have worded it is much better. I honestly really do want to say something like that the next time I see her.

If it doesn't work out, then we'll just be friends. I'm finally okay with that.

And, yes, it is much harder to let go of your romantic feelings for someone if you continue speaking to them, but I will ensure that I only see her as a friend if she says no to a relationship...

I'VE MADE A DESCISION:

A half-way point between continuing as friends and being in a relationship.

I want to ask her if she wants to start dating. Not to be in a relationship, but to start going out.

This will make it clear I don't just want to 'hangout' but actually DATE her.

Here was my idea:

Take here to the movies Friday. After we will find somewhere to have dinner and talk like the previous times. Maybe we won't get dinner but just get coffee again after the movie.

After talking for a while and feeling the time is right, I will say this:

"I've had a great time going out with you these past few weeks and it's been great getting to know you better. I really feel we have a lot in common and we have great conversations. You make me feel like the kind of person I can talk to for hours and hours, and sometimes we even do! I was wondering if you'd like to start dating. I'd like to see you a bit more often , take things slow and get to know you on a more personal level. I'm not asking you to be in a relationship or anything, I am just asking for the chance to start seeing you more and seeing how things will do. For me to be able to say "I'm going out with this nice girl." and for you to be able to say to your friends "I'm seeing this decent boy right now".

I just cannot pressure her into a relationship. I will be guaranteed to get a no.

Instead of just saying 'be my girlfriend', I am trying to tell her instead 'i'd like to see you more and see how things turn out.'

Earlier in the thread some users had said it's better I get to know her better and figure out if I really would want to spend more time with someone like her.

Well that's what I'm going to do instead.

Just what makes me so sure a relationship would work or if that's what I want?

I just want to see how things go.

More than just two friends hanging out, but not two people in a relationship - just two people DATING, with the potential to blossom into a relationship if we really do feel we are compatible...

Thoughts? Advice? Opinions?