Were Nice Guys Always the Pariah?

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You are just so off on many levels, but this definitely caught my eye.

I was always the "nice" girl. People kept telling me that, "you are too nice." And you know what that meant in High School? I was never invited to anything, and not asked out on dates by a single guy in my school. I assumed I must be unattractive, but I've had enough feedback over the years since to know that was not the case.

What was the truth? In my twenties I became close friends with a guy who had been an extremely popular jock in our high school. To start off with, I was sure he had had no idea who I was when we met in our twenties, since we had never interacted in school, and he was older. He told me right off that absolutely he knew who I was, which shocked me. Not just who I was, but things about me. He had respect for me; he was excited to be able to become friends at this point in our lives. One day when I noted how disappointed I was back in high school that I had never been asked to a single dance, you know what he told me? It was because I was too nice. Everyone knew I was a "good" girl. They were busy engaging in risky behaviors (by the time we became friends the guy was recovering from years of addiction) and figured that wasn't me. Geez, it would have helped if someone had just told me that instead of allowing my self-esteem to sink. But no one did, and in the moment I reached many wrong conclusions (pretty much like I see you doing now).

One guy I started dating simply stopped having interest when he met someone on a business trip who he described to me as a "firecracker." And he told me about it, all about her, thinking that was OK, since "obviously" I didn't want what he wanted in a relationship because I was so "nice."

So you really think it never makes a difference for a woman?

What it comes down to is this: nice usually seeks nice. Not because of lack of choice, but because, what a shock, you are actually more likely to share values and want the same things in life. Not nice seeks not nice. Like attracts like. Sure, there are exceptions, because sometimes the right yin and yang requires balance, but that can work both ways. There is no universal bad guys win and good guys lose.

Not to mention, plenty of guys who think they are "nice" actually are not nice, and blame their rejection on the wrong thing, which really distort their perception of what is happening.

It's been my experience that nice guys, while a fine dating choice on paper, are boring to a majority of women. Hear me out: I've never knowingly dated a woman with Asperger's, and I only recently was diagnosed myself, but in my life and in my studies it seems that, generally speaking from a clinical point of view, women tend to maintain relationships with men who will maintain a certain amount of drama in their lives. It's novel, it increases levels of excitement in the form of first cortisol then, if things really heat up, adrenaline, and then the intimacy reinforced by the making up process. I think this is where "nice guys" become pariahs, and I am defining "nice guy" as a man who is open, loving, willing to compromise with his partner, takes her into consideration when appropriate, which can all boil down to avoiding conflict.

How are nice guys a social pariah if they're the ones women prefer for long term relationships? Does this mean that good girls are also rejects/pariahs, since they're the ones men prefer for long term relationships? And what does this mean for the “undatables” who are too ugly, too obnoxious, too whatever and so society treats them like actual pariahs?

For the poll: I don't think they're pariahs at all, and associating them with that term is overly dramatic.

Probably typical NTs that smile and greet you in public, but then regularly act rude/evil towards the same people on the internet.

they say they prefer nice guys but really prefer hot men.
its politically correct to prefer nice people. people say what people want to hear to not cause conflict and seem as one with society. men prefer women. any woman. no but really not quite the same for women.

yeah sure their career choice had nothing to do with it. bunch of guys do the same and are single. not beleiving in that system isn't the reason they ended up in a relationship.