Depression and alcohol abuse. Tips

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Hi All,

I’m new to this forum, and there is something i need to ask you guys.

I (NT girl, 29) have been in a lovely relationship with a guy (who has asperger, 30) for the last two years. Off corse there has been some ups and downs, but in general we both agreed it was a good relationship.

When we first started dating, I learned allot about asperger, to help me develop a good understanding of his situation. We were close friends, he was open about his struggles and I always have been there for him in times of need. And also gave him the space he needed so much. He described it as his best relationship so far and that he couldn’t wish of a better suitable girlfriend.

Yes, it was a good relationship. But he broke up with me two weeks ago. I’m devastated by his decision. A week before we went on a small holiday, gave him his needed space afterwards and everything seemed to go smooth, and we both really enjoyed it.

My bf has some trouble letting go. Certain things in his life which he has trouble to process. General stuff like his parents getting older, his younger brother moving away to another country, staying or leaving his current job. But also during the relationship he developed enormous doubt about us. At one point he told me he loved me, but was never in love with me (the butterfly feelings). He also believed we were a perfect match and when in doubt he reinsured himself.

To cope with his brain working overtime, he drank and partied allot. He felt “normal” when he drank, and could socialise with people. Daily abusive drinking (weekly blackouts), and partying up to 3 times a week. When I first met him, he already had this behaviour.

Due to this behaviour, he felt down and extremely low on energy all the time. I convinced him to party less, and drink less. It had some effect on him, but a year in the relationship, his party and drinking habits started to kick in again.

I felt like I had no influence. Tried everything, and eventually told his parents about his behaviour. Cuz they also saw the damage of his party lifestyle in his general health and every levels. Off corse we had a huge fight over this. I had no right telling his parents the truth. But i felt hopeless and needed him to stop.

Sadly this had no effect, and his drinking behaviour just continued and continued.

Also a year in the relationship i had the feeling he started to develop a depression. Alcohol was also a good escape to deal with his overal sad feelings. I tried to talk to him about these feelings, but again it seemed hopeless.

I tried to convince him to seek help for his depression, and even his boss and closes friends told him to seek help for his problems.

The reason he broke up with me is because he had a year of constant doubt about us. Not sure what he felt for me, and that he saw me more as a good friend than his girlfriend.

I believe he is getting into, or already is way deep into, a depression. And he tries to cope with life by abusive drinking and partying. I spoke a mutual friend of ours yesterday who went to pay him a visit. And he was shocked by the bad condition of my now ex boyfriend.

At this point im really scared for his health. And im not sure what to do.

My questions:
Just let him be, or be there for him?
How do I (or others) convince him to seek help?
Are there more aspies out there who have trouble of letting go?
How do you cope with daily struggles?

Get as far from him and his family as possible while you still can. Fortunately for you, you've had no children by him. You can make a clean break. For your own good, please try to forget that he ever existed.

My dad tried to self-medicate his bipolar disorder with alcohol. That started a vicious cycle in which the alcohol made his depression worse, and when he became depressed, he drank more alcohol. Even when he was sober, he was a mean, bullying, bigoted drunk. We could not convince him that he had a problem, because to him WE were the problem.

While he was alive, he beat us, neglected us, lied to us, blamed us for his every problem (he blamed his smoking and drinking on me for being born), and generally treated us the way a drill sergeant treats his troops. He died sober only because drinking made his COPD even worse.

Yeah I agree with this. When someone descends into alcohol to self medicate, you can't save them. I have a best friend whom I lost to alcoholism because he refused to get help for it.

My 1st girlfriend had problems with drugs & alcohol. I tried to get her to quit before we became a couple because we were good friends & it worked for a while but eventually she started slipping back into old habits & I kept pushing her & we kept having major fights about it till we broke up. After we broke up she was bragging on a forum about how she drank so much she had to get her stomach pumped. I feel really bad that I couldn't help her more cuz I love her & care for her more than anything(except for my other loves) & in the end I feel like whatever I would of done would of ended up badly. We were long distance thou so maybe that was some of it too. Anyways it's like the saying goes~ "You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink". You can only help someone who wants to help themselves & you have to protect yourself & do what's best for you in the end cuz that's all you really have control over.

I’ve found the meetings of Al-Anon helpful.

The sole purpose for a committee is to perpetuate the problem that they were formed to solve.

You're no longer with him. He is not your problem. Completely excommunicate him from your life and move on. He can deal with his own s**t, or not, as he so desires - none of which you should ever know about or be privy to, because he should be 100% completely out of your life and you should move and in live your own life.

Could alcoholism be good for a single alone person with no future?
My family has history if it so for thst and some others I’d stayed away but maybe I should try it.

Depends on what you define as "good," for someone.

If you mean will it be bad for your health & maybe kill you if you drink enough of it? If that's what you mean, then yes, it could be very good for a single alone person with no future.

But if you mean will it magically do anything to make you not be a single alone person with no future, then no, because that's not one of the affects of alcohol.

Kill me ey
But will it drown out my depressing worthless existence in the time it takes to kill me?
People seem to take long time to die from alcoholism it doesn’t seem to work out like this song I listen to when sad
whiskey lullaby

I’ve been straight shooter my whole life, I don’t drink use drugs, smoke get tattoos, break any laws, do anything risky. Doesn’t seem to meant anything it was all just another society lie.

Alcohol poisoning can kill someone in a matter of hours if it's consumed in toxic dosage levels. Alcoholics are alcoholics out of addiction & it slowly kills them; it's not their preferred method of suicide.

As someone who's consumed various doses of alcohol in various states of mind, I can tell you that it does not drown out one's depressing worthless existence. If you're seeking a recreational drug for that effect, you might want to consider THC. If you're seeking one that has a MUCH longer lasting effect vs. only while you're under the influence of it, then you might want to consider Psilocybin - which has been scientifically proven to be the safest recreational drug in the world with no known toxic dose.

Thank you for your input.

I would not recommend drinking to self-medicate depression.

As I said, I had a friend who I lost to his drinking. He drank at the least a pint of vodka a day for a long time. The cause of his death was cardiovascular collapse as a result of alcoholic withdrawal delirium tremens. To put it simply, he skipped a day of drinking and had a seizure and died. It's an ugly and painful way to go. There are more effective ways to treat depression. I advise you be smart and seek those out.

I’m still not sure what to do with him. He keeps texting and calling me, crying and saying he is missing me. And he is in doubt of his decision. But still doesn’t want me back in a relationship.

I told him that i don’t want contact for 1 month and he has to make up his mind if he wants me back in a relationship or not. At this point he stands behind his decision for breaking up with me because he can not be in a relationship at this point. He has a hard time dealing with his own issues and can not handle the weight of the constant doubt about us and the relationship. But he cannot tell me why he is in doubt, its just a feeling. He made a list of pro’s and cons about me/us. and only 1 point of negativity was on his list, his constant doubt.

24 hours later he called me again in a panic, breaking the no contact rule and we talked for 2 hours on the phone. Mostly me trying to calm him down. We both agreed he is in a bad shape in his life right now, and he also believes he is in a depression.

I agreed to be there for him if he needed me so, and he was glad that i could still be supportive. Me and some others in his close circle are trying to convince him to seek therapy for his mental state. But he is too stubborn.

Yesterday i send him some articles about asperger and depression rate (70%) and some tips for him. Exercise, meditation, no more drinking and other recreational stimulants. But he needs scientific proof why this is helpful for him.. So ill look for some articles.

How do you fight depression? Tips? Or good articles that helped?

70% of people on the spectrum have sensitivities to a class of food acids (salicylate acids) which are high in most forms of alcohol, especially so in drinks like spiced rum (or herbal anything) as they're in pretty much every plant. Stimulant drugs, in particularly amphetamines (not sure about cocaine/others) leach magnesium & sulphur out of our bodies, allowing these food acids to build - which causes depression and other symptoms. Besides cutting out drinking/drugs etc, the medicinal antidote is to supplement magnesium & sulphur, either by capsules or by putting epsom salts on your skin (magnesium sulphate crystals) or soaking in a bath/foot bath of them (we absorb the most through the bottoms of our feet) and then our bodies have the minerals necessary to bind to the excess acids in order to be able to urinate them out.

When I did this for myself it made a night and day difference in my depression/anxiety etc after only 5 days. It can't possibly harm anything & 4kg of epsom salts costs about $10 and will last for quite some time. Could be worth a try if he's willing.

Well part of me wants to die, it seems the only escape from this hell given it’s very unlikely any woman will ever love me in time.