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Ecomatt91
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03 May 2015, 5:59 pm

I am 24 and very inexperienced. But my social life is good which I don't complain. I couldn't get women at all. Not even gone past the second base. I don't understand why women see me sensitive and negative immature at my age. I am at second uni for doing masters degree. I am there because I am intelligent and want a career. I meet women everyday. I try make friends with everybody BUT not overboard. I understand that not everyone will be my friends.

Not every friends I made knows that I am an Aspie. Despite that, their reactions still a same as the ones who knew I am an Aspie. How that happened!! !??? This proved that nothing wrong with me, right? However I still couldn't get a date. Women are so terribly picky and always choose the able bodied person with alcohol, smart at social stuff and is very capable of everything that attracts them. Yes I am not able bodied because I have a hearing loss too as the mild case of ASD affects my life skills socially and communicating. BUT I know that I am capable of doing things just like everybody else!

I find it a huge turn off for women seeing me having poor communication and poor social skills. I know that I have both issues, but can't help it! Maybe that is why there is definitely something wrong with me? I have been counselling for ten years now, I have an appointment this Wednesday coming up. I am going to talk about this but the topic has already spoken several times over the past years. This is because this problem hasn't even solved!

I get so frustrated, and that would have been a catastrophic. As it means that the problems going in circles and circles! Its damning me up and putting a toll on me. It makes me look very not normal to the society. Like an outlier kind of person.

Before you judge me who I am. I NEVER EVER make negative attitudes towards women before i ask them out and that etc which that makes them to reject me. I am smart enough to know about this. I am NOT a negative person. I am passionate person because I have lot of things. I have scholarships, masters degree, money, shelter, food, families, friends, being involved with groups of my interest and have career opportunities. This proves that I am NOT negative because I am enjoying life.

So what I am being concerned, I don't want to be catastrophic and being an intended virgin and inexperienced guy for rest of my life. I would feel absolutely crap if I am turning 30 tomorrow at same scenario as being 24 today! I am saying this how I feel because I know that I am better than that!! !!

I spoken this to my NT friends and they said every NT person haven't had a chance of finding love and sex til later their ages as well. So yes, I agreed it not just me. Other friends told me that women get picky a lot because of the offspring. Me carrying the ASD and hearing loss that turn women off because they don't want to offspring disabilities to next generation.

So, is it them being negative towards me? Is it also them being negative seeing me negative when I am not being negative?



aspiemike
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03 May 2015, 11:10 pm

Quote:
Before you judge me who I am. I NEVER EVER make negative attitudes towards women before i ask them out and that etc which that makes them to reject me. I am smart enough to know about this. I am NOT a negative person. I am passionate person because I have lot of things. I have scholarships, masters degree, money, shelter, food, families, friends, being involved with groups of my interest and have career opportunities. This proves that I am NOT negative because I am enjoying life.


I bolded the one comment for a reason. So you have things. You say you are passionate. My question for you is this: What do you have to give others?


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goldfish21
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04 May 2015, 12:57 am

ASD traits, behaviours, actions, symptoms etc.

It maaaay be your hearing loss, in part, as some may find it too inconvenient to communicate, or as you said, are deterred as they seek a "healthier" mate to reproduce with. But I think IF it's the hearing loss at all that it's a minor factor compared to ASD symptoms. I have deaf friends & have met several of their deaf friends.. quite a few couples, some married with kids etc. Their hearing loss hasn't been a constraint from having relationships.

Besides all that, there's the obvious that it could be your appearance. If you're out of shape, there's plenty you can do about that via diet and exercise.

But yeah, chances are most likely it's ASD traits screwing you over.


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Cafeaulait
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04 May 2015, 2:45 am

Well you seem to have a lot going for you! Passionate about alot of things? Great! Keep doing all those things, because it does make you more of an interesting and attractive person. It's a big plus.

Now... Where do you go to meet women? How do you approach them and show them that you are interested? Since you are an aspie it most likely has to do with your aspie traits. But you can always improve your social skills which makers you more attractive.
And yes, it could also have to do with your physical appearance.
Sometimes it's really hard to explain why someone doesn't have alot of luck with the other gender. I have a male friend who is 27 but he just comes off as creepy. He doesn't look bad, is very nice, is extraverted, but his mannerisms make him seem creepy and slightly desperate to the other gender. Combine that with the fact that he has some form of OCD and bingo. Women don't get that.

It's so hard to give advice if we can't SEE you interact. And don't forget that it might also be bad luck, with the wrong type of woman. You are still quite young.



Nambo
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04 May 2015, 3:19 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I don't understand why women see me sensitive and negative immature at my age. I am at second uni for doing masters degree. I am there because I am intelligent and want a career.


There are different types of intelligence and maturity, you are probably intelligent in an intellectual level, but immature on an emotional level, Women don't care for intellect, they are attracted to the emotional stuff, this is why you see attractive intelligent Women hanging around with ape-men who probably don't know 1+1 = 2, but they do know what a Women wants to hear.

Women are hard work and demanding, why do you want one anyway?, they invariably make their mens lives miserable, do you know any men who got married who then didn't get divorced and lose all his possessions and house to his wife?



Cafeaulait
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04 May 2015, 8:48 am

Nambo wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
I don't understand why women see me sensitive and negative immature at my age. I am at second uni for doing masters degree. I am there because I am intelligent and want a career.


There are different types of intelligence and maturity, you are probably intelligent in an intellectual level, but immature on an emotional level, Women don't care for intellect, they are attracted to the emotional stuff, this is why you see attractive intelligent Women hanging around with ape-men who probably don't know 1+1 = 2, but they do know what a Women wants to hear.

Women are hard work and demanding, why do you want one anyway?, they invariably make their mens lives miserable, do you know any men who got married who then didn't get divorced and lose all his possessions and house to his wife?


I didn't think it could get any worse when I read some male user responses in the other thread, but apparently it can :')



rdos
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04 May 2015, 8:56 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Nambo wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
I don't understand why women see me sensitive and negative immature at my age. I am at second uni for doing masters degree. I am there because I am intelligent and want a career.


There are different types of intelligence and maturity, you are probably intelligent in an intellectual level, but immature on an emotional level, Women don't care for intellect, they are attracted to the emotional stuff, this is why you see attractive intelligent Women hanging around with ape-men who probably don't know 1+1 = 2, but they do know what a Women wants to hear.

Women are hard work and demanding, why do you want one anyway?, they invariably make their mens lives miserable, do you know any men who got married who then didn't get divorced and lose all his possessions and house to his wife?


I didn't think it could get any worse when I read some male user responses in the other thread, but apparently it can :')


I agree that was pretty toxic. :wink:



Ecomatt91
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04 May 2015, 5:45 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Quote:
Before you judge me who I am. I NEVER EVER make negative attitudes towards women before i ask them out and that etc which that makes them to reject me. I am smart enough to know about this. I am NOT a negative person. I am passionate person because I have lot of things. I have scholarships, masters degree, money, shelter, food, families, friends, being involved with groups of my interest and have career opportunities. This proves that I am NOT negative because I am enjoying life.


I bolded the one comment for a reason. So you have things. You say you are passionate. My question for you is this: What do you have to give others?


I share experiences with others and want to learn their experiences as well. This creates further interests and passion. I am easily compassionate person when come to be with someone because I know I am emotional when come to it.



Ecomatt91
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04 May 2015, 6:00 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Well you seem to have a lot going for you! Passionate about alot of things? Great! Keep doing all those things, because it does make you more of an interesting and attractive person. It's a big plus.

Now... Where do you go to meet women? How do you approach them and show them that you are interested? Since you are an aspie it most likely has to do with your aspie traits. But you can always improve your social skills which makers you more attractive.
And yes, it could also have to do with your physical appearance.
Sometimes it's really hard to explain why someone doesn't have alot of luck with the other gender. I have a male friend who is 27 but he just comes off as creepy. He doesn't look bad, is very nice, is extraverted, but his mannerisms make him seem creepy and slightly desperate to the other gender. Combine that with the fact that he has some form of OCD and bingo. Women don't get that.

It's so hard to give advice if we can't SEE you interact. And don't forget that it might also be bad luck, with the wrong type of woman. You are still quite young.


Thanks for the compliments. I have a lot going on with my life because I am committed to my career. Isn't that attractive for women? Because I think seeing someone focused on their lives seeking future opportunities makes more confidence and motivation to be together with someone.

I meet women in interest groups like environmental, sustainability, globalisation and meteorology etc. I approach them as being a stranger from the start and develop friends through times. I don't have that problem by developing friendships because I have been taught by counselors and professionals over the years. I understand you have to be friends with someone first before develop with relationship with them. My counselor told me this numerous times, it best to do this strategy. I don't think my Aspie thing influences social skills as much as my hearing loss because majority of the time I try to listen to the person's speech and what they on about when engaging conversations especially within groups.

My physical appearance? I don't know how to say that. Lot of people say I am attractive and others say 'average'. Never came across ugly or something. I got that saying when I was bullied constantly during junior high school. Girls called the police against me because of my physical appearances. I am not going to share an image on this forum of myself because I don't want my picture to spread out the internet.

Although, I have been working out at the gym and I am very healthy guy. I take gym classes few times, and as well do workouts on my own at home (priceless scenario). I eat good food and well balanced diet. I never been unhealthy before in my life. I am 180cm tall and 85kg.The weight all due to my muscles tone and growth on my biceps, upper shoulders and my thigh from my workout sessions. I have done sports a lot in past few years and more recently I play professional ten pin bowling. So I guess the physical appearance is out then? I wear glasses just like many others who wears glasses especially are a couple or married people. So I don't think that also a case either.

I don't understand this creepy thing. I am very friendly, proactive, caring, outgoing and open minded person. There are quite a few friends told me that I made their days happier because of me being joyful and happy. So I think that creepy thing is out too? What about 'mainstream' women attitudes? Like how sensitive of them talking about their wellbeing or not being empowered in the society. I would say a same to me as well because my invisible and visible disabilities have a lack of empowerment.

All of that I am trying to be positive about myself. I thought that is another attractive thing. I think it the mainstream society issues in western nations where social attitudes are being influenced by false dichotomy of the society?



autismthinker21
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04 May 2015, 8:05 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I am 24 and very inexperienced. But my social life is good which I don't complain. I couldn't get women at all. Not even gone past the second base. I don't understand why women see me sensitive and negative immature at my age. I am at second uni for doing masters degree. I am there because I am intelligent and want a career. I meet women everyday. I try make friends with everybody BUT not overboard. I understand that not everyone will be my friends.

Not every friends I made knows that I am an Aspie. Despite that, their reactions still a same as the ones who knew I am an Aspie. How that happened!! !??? This proved that nothing wrong with me, right? However I still couldn't get a date. Women are so terribly picky and always choose the able bodied person with alcohol, smart at social stuff and is very capable of everything that attracts them. Yes I am not able bodied because I have a hearing loss too as the mild case of ASD affects my life skills socially and communicating. BUT I know that I am capable of doing things just like everybody else!

I find it a huge turn off for women seeing me having poor communication and poor social skills. I know that I have both issues, but can't help it! Maybe that is why there is definitely something wrong with me? I have been counselling for ten years now, I have an appointment this Wednesday coming up. I am going to talk about this but the topic has already spoken several times over the past years. This is because this problem hasn't even solved!

I get so frustrated, and that would have been a catastrophic. As it means that the problems going in circles and circles! Its damning me up and putting a toll on me. It makes me look very not normal to the society. Like an outlier kind of person.

Before you judge me who I am. I NEVER EVER make negative attitudes towards women before i ask them out and that etc which that makes them to reject me. I am smart enough to know about this. I am NOT a negative person. I am passionate person because I have lot of things. I have scholarships, masters degree, money, shelter, food, families, friends, being involved with groups of my interest and have career opportunities. This proves that I am NOT negative because I am enjoying life.

So what I am being concerned, I don't want to be catastrophic and being an intended virgin and inexperienced guy for rest of my life. I would feel absolutely crap if I am turning 30 tomorrow at same scenario as being 24 today! I am saying this how I feel because I know that I am better than that!! ! !

I spoken this to my NT friends and they said every NT person haven't had a chance of finding love and sex til later their ages as well. So yes, I agreed it not just me. Other friends told me that women get picky a lot because of the offspring. Me carrying the ASD and hearing loss that turn women off because they don't want to offspring disabilities to next generation.

So, is it them being negative towards me? Is it also them being negative seeing me negative when I am not being negative?

your explaining that your problems you have with your hearing and other ways of communicating are like very bad. they cant really accept your way of how you are. they are not real women to be bothered with. just make yourself less pushy.


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sagarverma
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05 May 2015, 12:39 am

It is true that a person with positive attitude attracts more people towards him.


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05 May 2015, 1:58 am

It is because your an aspie and your weird and women don't like weird people esspecially aspies prepare to stay single for a long long time like myself, it has been over 10 years since I have had a steady gf because of it!


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rdos
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05 May 2015, 4:45 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I understand you have to be friends with someone first before develop with relationship with them. My counselor told me this numerous times, it best to do this strategy.


I don't think that is correct. Doesn't work for me at least. Also, you risk ending up permanently in the friend-zone with girls you befriend like that. If you intend for a relationship, not a friendship, make that obvious right from the start. Be flirty at a minimum, because then girls get your intentions right.



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05 May 2015, 7:02 am

AspieOtaku wrote:
It is because your an aspie and your weird and women don't like weird people esspecially aspies prepare to stay single for a long long time like myself, it has been over 10 years since I have had a steady gf because of it!

Or, as my Girlfriend tells me, we can just be weird together. :lol:

To answer the OP's question, he sounds VERY similar to me, especially around 25. I am mindful this is a Aspie forum full of literal thinkers, so I don't want him or anyone else to get the wrong idea and do something criminal, abusive or inappropriate. However, it has been my experience that women from all walks of life seem to universally love being led by or dare I say dominated by a male who has her best interests at heart. I don't want to get into any specific details but let's just say they L-O-V-E getting what they can't get from their besties! I wouldn't worry about being inexperienced: the last two women I seriously dated were both FAR less experienced than I (if that is even possible :lol: ) and the second I would have NEVER suspected until she admitted it after I had *ahem* a very tough time fitting in.

I hear you about sucking at communication: I also found women LOVED to hear positive affirmations, especially about their bodies in general (NOT specific parts). Almost every woman I dated had irrational body image issues and my bluntness didn't exactly win them over. I have learned over time to be a little more gentle.



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05 May 2015, 7:48 am

I find that the more people I meet that are like me, the happier I get! My nephew has Down's Syndrome. When I found him a group to join which was all Down's teens, he became the most happiest kid that I have ever met. He doesn't even think about the rejection he suffered in the non-Down's world. There also is a very big difference
in people who are NT and left out of social circles because of physicals conditions. True, they don't learn appropriate social skills because no one will let them in!! ! People who are aspies are born that way--they are on the autistic spectrum. Some are oblivious to social skills even if they are surrounded by social people all of the time. There's a big difference between the two. Rejection and the following solitude from it don't contribute to social learning - that's why you need a group of individuals just like yourself. Then and only then can you thrive. Being NT doesn't guarantee that you'll have social skills. It's acceptance into the group that guarantees this. You can be NT all you want but if no group will take you in, you can't develop properly in the social sense. You can be the nicest person in the world too but if you have a physical deformity that causes people to turn away, you will eventually become isolated, marginalized, and depressed to the point that you will no longer even seek out other's company. People CONNECT in many ways. Both my son and niece connect with others through church choir - that the common element. Neither one of these teens are typical with all the drama, dating, and friends. Both are physically gorgeous but it doesn't seem to matter due to the fact that both are bi-racial and had experienced enough social rejection for a 100 of us. Because they NEED people, they both found a way. The church choir is their "center". This church choir will run forever because it is desperately needed by those in it and those that currently run it. They found an "in". That's what you need to find - an "in".



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05 May 2015, 7:53 am

sagarverma wrote:
It is true that a person with positive attitude attracts more people towards him.



This is SO TRUE!! !! I personally know a total douchebag but believe it or not, because he believes in himself, he actually has a following of like minded individuals. In other words, if all you can be is a rat, then be the best darned rodent that you can be.