If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?
WantToHaveALife
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Age: 36
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Location: California, United States
29 Apr 2015, 6:42 pm
sly279 wrote:
CoffinCrawler wrote:
A woman you're trying to flirt with isn't going to call the cops on you if you try to kiss or hug her once and she rejects you. If she moves her head away, pushes you away from her, or says "no" or "stop it", then you take that as a hint that she is not interested and leave her be. She will call the cops if you continue trying to touch her after she's rejected you. That's when it becomes harassment.
not what women here said. if you don't get verbal permission before any touching its sexual harassment.
What you describe does not appear to meet to meet the definition of sexual harassment:
http://www.ag.ny.gov/sites/default/file ... ochure.pdf
Accidentally bumping into a woman's leg in a public place does not appear to be a criminal offense in New York.
The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2015, 4:20 am
rdos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think you are very generalizing when you say " A woman you're trying to flirt with isn't going to call the cops on you if you try to kiss or hug her once and she rejects you" - some women might do.
I see no reason why you would want to hug, much less kiss, a woman you don't know. At any rate, I'm 100% certain that no woman will call the cops if you do nonverbal flirting (as in looking with quick glances) with her. That's 100% safe, you won't get yelled at, and you won't get rejected, only ignored if she doesn't like you.
Of course I wouldn't want to kiss a stranger.
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,024
Location: California, United States
01 May 2015, 3:38 am
Diningroom wrote:
:oops:
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I will admit, the lack of a girlfriend, the lack of companionship, the lack of a sex life has made it very difficult for me to focus on other areas in my life, I would feel it is also probably one of the factors as to why i'm not financially stable, well-established yet in my life.
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
Lol, this. My boyfriend was nearly 28 when he met me. I am his first girlfriend. He told me that it went alot better with girls when he became more satisfied with the person he was, became more confident, and started to act less desperate and bittered towards women. He also admitted that he was very socially awkward with women before he met me. The thing that worked for him was changing his attitude and make himself a more appealing 'package' (by developing himself as a whole person). So yes, it's definitely possible to get a girlfriend when you are 27.
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,024
Location: California, United States
01 May 2015, 4:38 am
Cafeaulait wrote:
Diningroom wrote:
:oops:
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I will admit, the lack of a girlfriend, the lack of companionship, the lack of a sex life has made it very difficult for me to focus on other areas in my life, I would feel it is also probably one of the factors as to why i'm not financially stable, well-established yet in my life.
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
Lol, this. My boyfriend was nearly 28 when he met me. I am his first girlfriend. He told me that it went alot better with girls when he became more satisfied with the person he was, became more confident, and started to act less desperate and bittered towards women. He also admitted that he was very socially awkward with women before he met me. The thing that worked for him was changing his attitude and make himself a more appealing 'package' (by developing himself as a whole person). So yes, it's definitely possible to get a girlfriend when you are 27.
well that was nice to hear, was he financially stable when you met him? just asking because i'm wondering if him being financially stable or not was a decision in making you choose to date him.
01 May 2015, 5:01 am
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Diningroom wrote:
:oops:
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I will admit, the lack of a girlfriend, the lack of companionship, the lack of a sex life has made it very difficult for me to focus on other areas in my life, I would feel it is also probably one of the factors as to why i'm not financially stable, well-established yet in my life.
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
Lol, this. My boyfriend was nearly 28 when he met me. I am his first girlfriend. He told me that it went alot better with girls when he became more satisfied with the person he was, became more confident, and started to act less desperate and bittered towards women. He also admitted that he was very socially awkward with women before he met me. The thing that worked for him was changing his attitude and make himself a more appealing 'package' (by developing himself as a whole person). So yes, it's definitely possible to get a girlfriend when you are 27.
well that was nice to hear, was he financially stable when you met him? just asking because i'm wondering if him being financially stable or not was a decision in making you choose to date him.
Yes and no. He works by an employment agency so he is not officially employed at the company where he works. He has always gotten a contract renewal so far (every six months), but they haven't given him a contract of indefinite duration (despite his intelligence and efforts), so he can't buy a house yet and still lives with his parents. He hopes to get a steady contract by the end of june, but this remains uncertain. So there is always uncertainty that he might lose his job until he gets that contract. It didn't really affect my decision to be with him, since we are both still students. The most important thing to me was that he was making an effort and he was not sitting still. He wasn't just in his room all day doing nothing but gaming. He was working, studying, travelling, busy with his hobbies. He wasn't passive, so to speak. He tried.
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,024
Location: California, United States
01 May 2015, 10:13 am
Cafeaulait wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Diningroom wrote:
:oops:
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I will admit, the lack of a girlfriend, the lack of companionship, the lack of a sex life has made it very difficult for me to focus on other areas in my life, I would feel it is also probably one of the factors as to why i'm not financially stable, well-established yet in my life.
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
Lol, this. My boyfriend was nearly 28 when he met me. I am his first girlfriend. He told me that it went alot better with girls when he became more satisfied with the person he was, became more confident, and started to act less desperate and bittered towards women. He also admitted that he was very socially awkward with women before he met me. The thing that worked for him was changing his attitude and make himself a more appealing 'package' (by developing himself as a whole person). So yes, it's definitely possible to get a girlfriend when you are 27.
well that was nice to hear, was he financially stable when you met him? just asking because i'm wondering if him being financially stable or not was a decision in making you choose to date him.
Yes and no. He works by an employment agency so he is not officially employed at the company where he works. He has always gotten a contract renewal so far (every six months), but they haven't given him a contract of indefinite duration (despite his intelligence and efforts), so he can't buy a house yet and still lives with his parents. He hopes to get a steady contract by the end of june, but this remains uncertain. So there is always uncertainty that he might lose his job until he gets that contract. It didn't really affect my decision to be with him, since we are both still students. The most important thing to me was that he was making an effort and he was not sitting still. He wasn't just in his room all day doing nothing but gaming. He was working, studying, travelling, busy with his hobbies. He wasn't passive, so to speak. He tried.
Since your a girl, do you feel you have it easy, lucky in dating since the pressure is not on you to make the first move and do the asking out, taking the lead?
01 May 2015, 3:19 pm
Cafeaulait wrote:
Yes and no. He works by an employment agency so he is not officially employed at the company where he works. He has always gotten a contract renewal so far (every six months), but they haven't given him a contract of indefinite duration (despite his intelligence and efforts), so he can't buy a house yet and still lives with his parents. He hopes to get a steady contract by the end of june, but this remains uncertain. So there is always uncertainty that he might lose his job until he gets that contract. It didn't really affect my decision to be with him, since we are both still students. The most important thing to me was that he was making an effort and he was not sitting still. He wasn't just in his room all day doing nothing but gaming. He was working, studying, travelling, busy with his hobbies. He wasn't passive, so to speak. He tried.
video games is a hobby. so people playing them are busy with their hobby.
so if he'd was a graduated from school and jobless would you still dated him. or would that make the other good stuff not enough?
I'm trying, but to others they'd say I'm not passive or trying depends on how people define it. its a upsetting term.
01 May 2015, 9:01 pm
sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Yes and no. He works by an employment agency so he is not officially employed at the company where he works. He has always gotten a contract renewal so far (every six months), but they haven't given him a contract of indefinite duration (despite his intelligence and efforts), so he can't buy a house yet and still lives with his parents. He hopes to get a steady contract by the end of june, but this remains uncertain. So there is always uncertainty that he might lose his job until he gets that contract. It didn't really affect my decision to be with him, since we are both still students. The most important thing to me was that he was making an effort and he was not sitting still. He wasn't just in his room all day doing nothing but gaming. He was working, studying, travelling, busy with his hobbies. He wasn't passive, so to speak. He tried.
video games is a hobby. so people playing them are busy with their hobby.
so if he'd was a graduated from school and jobless would you still dated him. or would that make the other good stuff not enough?
I'm trying, but to others they'd say I'm not passive or trying depends on how people define it. its a upsetting term.
sly, the trouble with you is that you have no ambition. Video games as a hobby is perfectly fine, but you need to do MORE with your life and your time than just that!! ! Otherwise women will think you're a loser.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I wonder why do people continue dating, having relationships in their 30's, 40's, and beyond? When so much of culture defines dating and relationships is something that young people do, like teens and 20's
Traditionally(from the early 60s and before that) people would date in their teens and 20s, then get hitched and have kids and ideally live happily ever after. But now that people live longer and increasingly women don't have a necessity in finding a husband(along with the widespread availability of contraceptives and abortion on demand), people in their 20s these days aren't focused on commitment and are more focused on having fun. They wait until their 30s to really get serious. As for people dating in their 40s and beyond, many of those people are divorcees.
So the cultural definition of dating that you depict as being for the young is holdover from a bygone era. Dating culture changes drastically from one generation to the next. My parents were baby boomers and when they were in their teens and 20s the focus wasn't on dating, it was on "free love"(read orgies and polyamory). Eventually a lot of those people did settle down and get married once they were in their 30s and waited until they were practically middle aged to start having children.
01 May 2015, 10:39 pm
I don't think it's ever too late... to be honest I would be super relieved to find a guy who didn't have tonnes of experience and past lovers, because I'm so scared of intimacy, and if they were shy too then the spotlight wouldn't all be on me to improve. Plus there are plenty of people out there who have a list of ex partners a mile long who are such a***holes, who nobody should touch with a barge pole, and it's obvious nobody would ever stay with them for long.
You're gonna have so much more maturity and care a lot more about the relationship because you're not going for the quick shag between classes that seems to be the relationship trigger for people who start early lol.
02 May 2015, 8:45 am
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Diningroom wrote:
:oops:
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I will admit, the lack of a girlfriend, the lack of companionship, the lack of a sex life has made it very difficult for me to focus on other areas in my life, I would feel it is also probably one of the factors as to why i'm not financially stable, well-established yet in my life.
A relationship isn't going to make you financially stable. Unless you find a responsible person, you could even end up in worse shape financially.
well I often feel that if I was more successful socially, in terms of dating and relationships, like if I had a girlfriend a long time ago, and had a more fun social life that consisted of more friends, that made me more outgoing, it would have provided me with the self-esteem, confidence, validation to have inspiration, motivation and drive to succeed in other areas of my life, unfortuneately, and it really pisses me off, that life, society, culture, or reality, expects us guys to be the more independent, self-reliant gender.
WantToHaveALife --
Clearly, not being financially stable/established as a strategy for finding a girlfriend hasn't worked for you. Perhaps it's time to try a different approach?
You're also a grownup who has completed his post-secondary education who isn't financially stable -- many women (myself included) will not date you because of that. I don't expect a guy to support me (& have dated plenty of guys who make less than me, which is no biggie).
That being said, the giant chip on your shoulder is HUGELY unappealing -- the universe doesn't owe you friends, financial stability, self-esteem or a girlfriend. There is no magic wand that can be waved to give you some (or any!) of those things... you must work for them.
The place to start would be with the things that are 100% within your control -- financial stability, social skills and self-esteem -- otherwise, you're dooming yourself to fail. There's no guarantee you will EVER have a relationship -- NOBODY's guaranteed that!
Is raging at the universe for being single working for you?
Is being bitter at adult women who GASP expect the men they date to be independent adults capable of supporting themselves working for you?
You have a big-time over-entitlement complex and expect a relationship to find you -- without any effort on your part!
Would you want to date a bitter, anti-social, dead broke girl who expected you to make her self-confident and socially/financially successful?
I'm guessing NO. So why would girls wanna date YOU as-is? I'm genuinely curious. Give me a list of reasons.
Lol, this. My boyfriend was nearly 28 when he met me. I am his first girlfriend. He told me that it went alot better with girls when he became more satisfied with the person he was, became more confident, and started to act less desperate and bittered towards women. He also admitted that he was very socially awkward with women before he met me. The thing that worked for him was changing his attitude and make himself a more appealing 'package' (by developing himself as a whole person). So yes, it's definitely possible to get a girlfriend when you are 27.
well that was nice to hear, was he financially stable when you met him? just asking because i'm wondering if him being financially stable or not was a decision in making you choose to date him.
Yes and no. He works by an employment agency so he is not officially employed at the company where he works. He has always gotten a contract renewal so far (every six months), but they haven't given him a contract of indefinite duration (despite his intelligence and efforts), so he can't buy a house yet and still lives with his parents. He hopes to get a steady contract by the end of june, but this remains uncertain. So there is always uncertainty that he might lose his job until he gets that contract. It didn't really affect my decision to be with him, since we are both still students. The most important thing to me was that he was making an effort and he was not sitting still. He wasn't just in his room all day doing nothing but gaming. He was working, studying, travelling, busy with his hobbies. He wasn't passive, so to speak. He tried.
Since your a girl, do you feel you have it easy, lucky in dating since the pressure is not on you to make the first move and do the asking out, taking the lead?
No I don't feel I have it easy. I rarely get approached by the other gender, except by thugs. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and I asked him out. I also tend to take the 'lead' in my relationships.
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
sly279 wrote:
video games is a hobby. so people playing them are busy with their hobby.
so if he'd was a graduated from school and jobless would you still dated him. or would that make the other good stuff not enough?
I'm trying, but to others they'd say I'm not passive or trying depends on how people define it. its a upsetting term.
sly, the trouble with you is that you have no ambition. Video games as a hobby is perfectly fine, but you need to do MORE with your life and your time than just that!! ! Otherwise women will think you're a loser.
This.
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
02 May 2015, 9:14 am
Cafeaulait wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Since your a girl, do you feel you have it easy, lucky in dating since the pressure is not on you to make the first move and do the asking out, taking the lead?
No I don't feel I have it easy. I rarely get approached by the other gender, except by thugs. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and I asked him out. I also tend to take the 'lead' in my relationships.
So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
02 May 2015, 1:02 pm
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Since your a girl, do you feel you have it easy, lucky in dating since the pressure is not on you to make the first move and do the asking out, taking the lead?
No I don't feel I have it easy. I rarely get approached by the other gender, except by thugs. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and I asked him out. I also tend to take the 'lead' in my relationships.
So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.
It's bad for girls because many of them receive unwanted attention from men they're not interested in. And besides, there's no rule that girls can't express interest in guys. The old system where a woman had to wait for the man to ask her out is a thing of the past(IF it ever actually existed). Courtship rules change radically from one generation to the next and these days, a lot of men and women don't actually follow them which is why quite a few of your Aspies seem to be extremely confused.
Women who claim to be old fashioned and want men to ask them out and will never ask a man out nor flirt with him when they're actually interested are wanting to have their egos stroked by making guys do all the work. Every time I've asked out a woman like *that*, either online or offline, the answer is negative. And yet, I HAVE had girlfriends before and gone on plenty of dates! For every date who I've met online, it was she who sent the first message. When I take the initiative so send the first message, even if she replies and there's correspondence, it goes NOWHERE. Perhaps my experience isn't all that common though.
02 May 2015, 1:36 pm
RetroGamer87 wrote:
So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.
As uncomfortable as it is, the guys ask system arguably favors men since they are more likely to end up with who they want: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stable_mar ... e_solution That probably doesn't really apply those who are shy though.
P.S. People, please don't leave five levels of nested quotes in your posts. You're wearing out my page down key!
02 May 2015, 2:13 pm
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
sly, the trouble with you is that you have no ambition. Video games as a hobby is perfectly fine, but you need to do MORE with your life and your time than just that!! ! Otherwise women will think you're a loser.
like half of gamers are women. so theres women out there who don't think gamers are losers. also I play like 3-2 hours a day with clan maybe more if I have a new game. I also have nothing else to do currently since I have no job and am in program to find one but applying and applying now waiting to hear back had one interview waiting for maybe 2nd one.
yep I'm not competitive,ie ambitious. I'm fine with that. leads to stress, wasting your life away working 20 hours a day, losing your family, hating others cause they'll higher then you, being mean to others to get ahead, etc. I'd rather not be part of that kill or be killed ambitious life style.
I have my other hobbies, and besides from what I've seen a guy can work 40+ hours a week making 20 an hour and women still seem as a loser because he hasn't quite his job to get another and climb the ladder, cause when you reach the top and there's no where to go the next ambitious thing to do is get a new job at the bottom somewhere and climb again.
really sounds horrible to me. its just a code word for you not living life like me so you're a loser. I wasted my life working and so do you. work isn't life to me, its just a way to get money to live my life.
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
It's bad for girls because many of them receive unwanted attention from men they're not interested in. And besides, there's no rule that girls can't express interest in guys. The old system where a woman had to wait for the man to ask her out is a thing of the past(IF it ever actually existed). Courtship rules change radically from one generation to the next and these days, a lot of men and women don't actually follow them which is why quite a few of your Aspies seem to be extremely confused.
even hear its split. and in the general population most won't ask a guy out. at least in the usa. where we are still raised being told the guy asks out the girl waits. so many still follow that. yes there's some that rebel against it, and each generation I hope will be more and more. but mine is only the 2nd one to rebel and its quite low in numbers.
tradition is quite strongly brainwashed into a lot of people from when their born. most of them will do the same to their kids. not like there ever was a law in the us where women couldn't ask a guy out it was just the culture norm and still sadly mainly is. what changed is you don't have to go on a date with a 24 year girl and her 40 year old dad.
hard to say if I was a woman if this would change. my sisters don't ask guys out its not how they were raised to think.
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