Okay, I've had a girlfriend for about 5 months now, shes not my first, and sometimes i wonder if shes my last. She accepts me for me, she loves me and helps me even when im being an "asphole" haha, she understands and if at times she struggles to, she tries her best. long story short, ive never had a more down girlfriend, if i ever wanted a ride or die it would have to be her. But i have two problems, 1: when I'm with her, i couldn't be happier, but when shes not with me i feel as though the feelings i have for her when she is with me kind change or disappear, and if anything its bothersome and feels uncomfortable and stresses me out. Its like a complete flip of emotions. also, for almost a year now i've been worried about having feelings towards the same sex, and the thing is, that i don't want to feel that way, i don't have a problem with it, if anything i support gay/lesbian relationships, but the thought of myself being that way makes me very uncomfertable and stresses me out completely, especially in social situations. ive talked to my girlfriend about this and she always tells me that she doesn't think that i could be gay/bi/ect. I am very uncomfertable walking in public, i feel closed in, and like i cant breathe, my mind tends to associate that with my paranoia. when im with my friends, i feel like they are always thinking that i am by chance, gay/bi or whatever, there have been plenty of times that Ive just said screw it and brought the topic up, and they always just seem taken aback. I dont know what to do about this, its almost like HOCD. I cant shake off the thought of myself being that way, and i really don't want to be that way. i try to look at different sexuality's, but none of them seem to fit, so i'm stuck at a dead end and am dazed and completely confused as to what is going on. any help, advice, personal stories, anything that could help would be great.
14 May 2015, 4:03 pm
