Seeing all long-term relationships as fundamentally boring

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OOM is right though. What she is describing is real. That's really what is going on in your friends' heads.

Just because you haven't personally experienced it doesn't make it untrue. Maybe one day you will, maybe you won't but that doesn't make what your friends are experiencing any less true. This is their reality and that won't change just becasue you don't like it.

I've never felt the feeling, but yes, sometimes the love train can hit you right in the head and change your outlook.

Like Aspie1, I too would be afraid of it happening, as it means it affects your life enough to actually change who you are and your future.

Relationships require sacrific and compromise, but surrending yourself to the love bug and being a slave to love isn't the way to go (for some people).

Even if you ENJOY it, I would not want to end up that way in the future.

It's a lot like 'settling down' and letting yourself go physically - it can be avoided, it just takes willpower. The vast majority of middle aged adults however, once caught up in their responsibilities, will become far more apathetic about their health and fitness.

Even if I ended up this way and am in the future perfectly fine with being this way, the current me would never dare want to end up that way.

Essentially, it's saying "I don't want to end up like what I would consider to be a pathetic disgrace in the future, and I certainly wouldn't want to be content with being this way." as you have a negative view of a possibile person you may end up being in the future.

Just like Aspie1 and I "Never want to be affected by love so much we'd actually enjoy ending up like our friends!".

Relevant song:

"Just because you haven't personally experienced it doesn't make it untrue. Maybe one day you will, maybe you won't but that doesn't make what your friends are experiencing any less true. This is their reality and that won't change just becasue you don't like it."

This is where Pals before Gals failed for all of Aspie1's friends. From his posts, none of them seem to take any consideration or concern for him anymore, and prefer to all just sit around having dull dinner parties, as their girlfriends do not enjoy anything he and his friend's use to do together, or if the women do allow the men to go out, they must be dragged along with.

I can't imagine how terrible that would feel.

I personally have great difficulty being friends with introverts as they are content with sitting around the house doing nothing, but I need to get out and need stimulation.

If all my friends had introverted girlfriends who become uncomfortable at parties or nightclubs, but INSIST on being brought along only to complain to go home early thus ending the fun pre-maturely, what the heck is the point?

It's either you go out and have fun and potentially leave your comfort zone if just for a few brief hours/moments, or stay inside in your comfy little home.

Trying to have both will just leave you not getting enough satisfaction out of either (leaving the fun early = disappointment, getting home late = not enough time to have fun at home).

Lol, you're so young. You don't realise how tired you get as you get older. It's not just getting caught up in responsibility, it's the fact that the things you used to do that seemed so easy now seem to take more energy and by the time you get home after work you are exhausted.

Also this bros before chicks thing isn't a mantra that people actually live by. People settle down and want to spend time with the person they are in love with and whom they have sex with.

This isn't some crazy thing Aspie1's friends are doing that no-one has done ever done before. It's not abnormal. It's life. All us older folk can tell you we've seen it happen with our friends. They don't hang out with the single people anymore. They hang out with their partner or in groups of couples. That's life.

^ My brother's group of friends are a mixed of singles and married, and they hang out all fine together (except when wives disallow them to hang out) - but they are all males. Of course, naturally, marriage/baby-related duties would make them less likely to be able to hang out as freely as before.

Honestly, the singles-only and couples-only cliques thing is something I haven't observed among men - I have seen it only among the female folk, back in the University and at work.

Okay, I was being overly dramatic. I do still spend time with my couples friends and we will get together as a group of couples and singles, we did the other night.

I just don't expect to be their priority because I know they have other responsiblities. I don't demand that they do what I want to do and then have a tantrum and call them whipped or crazy or assume their lives are unpleasant now they don't spend all their time with me.

Last edited by hurtloam on 04 Apr 2016, 10:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Your gf is not your grandmother. She's not someone you HAVE TO spend time with. She is someone you want to spend time with. Just as the bf is someone she wants to spend time with. You want to spend time with them more than with your friends because you like that person a lot more. Plus, in a different way. When you no longer feel that way and you like your friends more, usually you break up.

And even though whatever experience is boring to you when you are there without your gf, does not mean you will feel the same way about it with them. I do not like sports but have been with boyfriends and had a great time. It's a completely different vibe going on. I've taken guys to things they said they had never been to or been interested in and they seemed to enjoy themselves, we held hands and cuddled up the whole time or whatever changed it from "having to sit through this crap when I'd rather be pounding brews with the guys!" To "this isn't so bad at all because I'm focuses on the person I want to be with".

How many relationships have you been in and how long did they last? A couple crappy relationships that made you in-content doesn't make you an expert on how all relationships go or would go. You just might 'get it' if you ever actually fall in love with someone...a relationship isn't supposed to make you feel anxious if it does that probably means its not a good relationship. Part of why I got with my current boyfriend is because being around him was calming and I felt very comfortable...if he made me feel anxious or like I had to go out of my way to please him at my own expense I don't think it would be a relationship worth keeping.



Also obviously in a relationship you wouldn't be able to go sexing escorts as that would be cheating....but I see no reason why you couldn't ride trains and drink beer with a girlfriend after you and her have sex. Difference would be sex with your girlfriend instead of sex with random escorts who don't care about you...but rather whatever it is you pay them to have sex with you.

But if you're stuck on sex with escorts than the only real option is not to pursue a relationship, and just continue what you're doing, except maybe drop your 'friends' with their possessive girlfriends since they only seem to piss you off.

hurtloam:

Yeah, physically we all decay at a certain age. I can say 'I know that happens' but I can never say right now that I'd know how hard it would be.

But I'm still getting at, that many of us may have an idea of what kind of person we may end up being, we view this person negatively, and strive against it.

The health and fitness is an example.

And, of course, everyone has different views regarding this.

But, I would consider an obese and unfit version of possible 35 year old me to be a personal disgrace I would strive against.

Just as a rude, selfish, cold, lonely 35 year old me I also would not want to be.

Just as I wouldn't want to be a 35 year old me who abandons his friends in favor of relationships.

Now, yes, relationships take priority, but to surrender your life to 'love' like Aspie1's friends have sounds a bit extreme to me as a 17 year old, and extreme to him as someone nearly twice my age.

I didn't mean people live by the mantra, just that his friends have stopped actually being friends wth him almost.

Like Boo says, men can still hang out even if in relationships. Why couldn't they?

So, who's to say I won't be able to keep my attitude by his age?

Under no circumstances can I even imagine my girlfriend ever wanting to drink beer and ride trains with me. If she's anything like the authority figure I expect her to be, she'll scream at me for even suggesting that. Not to mention it feels weird to be drinking beer and riding trains with an authority figure. It feels more "normal" to drink expensive wine and drive her around, despite my lack of enjoyment of those things. So I prefer sex partners, free or otherwise, who care about me enough not to put me in harm's way, but no more than that. They're less likely to force me or forbid me to do something "for my own good".

I'm kind of the opposite. When I was right about your age, I wanted a "boring", settled-down relationship. Although there was one difference: I did want to explore new restaurants. My girlfriend was even more introverted: she didn't even like going out to quiet romantic dinners. I was way too young to drink beer in the US, I was too shy for talking to strangers on trains, and hiring an escort wasn't even on my mind. So now, at a ripe of age of 32, the last thing in the world I want is to go back to who I was.

That is the whole reason you don't date a girl who would never want to drink beer and ride trains...you find one who does like to do those things. Don't date a woman who comes off as an 'authority figure' sounds like an awful sort of person to date..you have the choice not to accept advances from such women or pursue them not quite sure why you can't seem to understand that concept. Do you have a sign plastered across your head that says 'my girlfriend has to be an authoritive, strict girl who hates beer and train rides, so stay away if you like those things? If not there is no reason you couldn't pursue women who aren't like that instead of ones who are again, it shouldn't be such a difficult concept.

I am female, I drink beer with my boyfriend and I don't act like I am some authority over him...so why do you think its impossible for a girl to drink beer and see their S.O as an equal?

What I was taught is that family members are people you have to want to spend time with.

The word decay makes me feel like a zombie.

Braaainssss....

When a husband asks a wife if he can go to have a beer with a friend: https://www.facebook.com/lolflix/videos ... 268622688/