Dating cluelessness

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Hey everyone, thought this forum would be a good place to ask stuff like this, so here it goes:

I absolutely SUCK at meeting people in general, especially girls as potential dating partners. Well I believe fully blaming my AS is a copout and a lame excuse, I have no doubt that it plays a factor. For my friends, meeting people / asking girls out is completely natural, for me, it's exponentially harder then a 300 level math exam. I would love to have the spontaneous factor in me like a lot of other people and just be able to approach any random girl and strike up a conversation, but I know I can't, because I'll either talk myself out of it, or freeze and look like an ass.

So what methods have some of you all used to try and cope w/ this? Cause it isn't even that I don't believe I can get dates, cause I can, I'm a reasonably good looking guy and responsible. It's just that I simply don't know how, or if it's even appropriate in certain situations (ex: a girl studying in a library vs. a girl sitting by herself in a dining hall vs. etc...).

I'm absolutely the same way. I can't seem to meet girls, at least not the type I'm interested in. I've tried to get my guy friends to introduce me to some, but they haven't been able to help me.

I Have the same problem, i cant talk to girls i view as potental dates, i have no problem talking to women who are in there 30s+, but i seem to frezze up when around girls thta may potentaly like me, so i cnat real yoffer any advice lol

Being spirtual myself and a hopeless romantic I can say that the gentleman route tends to work best for the aspie male trying to impress a lady. I find that refering to my natural instincts of animal attraction tend to work far better than actually thinking about what to say or do. Noticing a person you find attractive and immediately approaching him or her before you can think up some neurotic thoughts worked sometimes for me as well.

www.okcupid.com

www.plentyoffish.com


These are free and popular. Good hunting!

Meet people online. I have more confidence and its infinitely easier to talk to people online than face to face. Use a site like match.com to meet people.

Heres my advice.
Try to make friends with as many women as you can.
Learn theyr ways and try and socialise with them.
At this point you just want them as friends.
As you get more confortable around them and get to know them.
That's when you strike

Basicly i wouldn't date some stranger period.
Online dating has never worked for me.

Oh yeah and if you don't wanna have much chance of being rejected.
Than make sure you find out if they like you first.
The best clues for that are these:
- a girl sucking up to you
- you always being the first person they wanna talk to
- them trying to make lots of eyecontact
- them being verry touchy around you (not alot of girls are like this though)

Oh yeah, Don't go on blind dates PERIOD

Because socializing is an acquired skill for me, practice makes perfect. It's taken me many years of observation and emulation to feel confident talking to strangers, but it's not impossibly difficult. I think that what helps me is appreciating that almost everyone you talk to is also a bit unsure of themselves, regardless of how they act. NTs may have had an easier and more natural time adopting social skills, but they're still as emotionally fragile as I am. Actually, because they are so steeped in socializing, they're more acutely concerned about what people think of them. I think this may be one of the reasons that it's hard to connect with them. As people who don't know the protocol, we can come off as judgemental or disapproving when we don't perform the expected social grooming of showing approval. People think we don't like them.

With this in mind, it's easier for me to talk to other people. I know that they're as vulnerable and needy as I am, and I do what I've learned to make them feel appreciated. It reminds me of the saying that bears are more afraid of you than you are of them. Unless your behavior is grossly out of line, most people are focused on themselves, and how they're being perceived. Smiling, nodding, asking questions, and making jokes will get you through almost any encounter. It also helps to be good looking, which is like a social free pass.

I find a nice quite place to hide, and when someone approaches with interest, I either hide, run away, or (if I'm really bold) make stupid snide jokes until they leave. Hasn't gotten me too much action recently, so I'm considering changing my approach.

If they’re doing anything, ask them about what they’re doing, with luck, they’ll respond and leave you with some form of opening so you’ve got something to talk to them about and can find out about them eventually. If you’re unlucky, the conversation will just dry up and become awkward but in my eyes, that’s a chance worth taking.
Oh, and try not to do anything that might come across as perverted, whilst I know some aspies have trouble looking people in the eye whilst talking to them, you’re better off watching their nose or forehead than looking down, as they’ll think you’re staring at their breasts.

I'd go with the aforementioned suggestions (in general) of a) making as many women friends as you can, and b) give meeting potentials online a try.

The former...female friends would happily divulge ways of hitting it off with a gal, if you don't get plenty of ideas from just being around them as it is

The latter...well. This is from experience. Met my current man online, through a Subaru forum...we talked for a month or so before meeting irl. I'm pretty outgoing, have no issues starting conversations with practically anyone...him however, definitely an Aspie. If he'd met me irl first, he never would have talked to me...too shy, would have locked up. But since he already knew me...he could start talking to me from the moment he met me like he'd known me for ages. Well, he did. Wasn't in the least bit shy, and has to be one of the easiest first meetings I've ever had. We ended up hooking up a month or so later.

Whatever you do, don't give up and don't keep doing the same things if they have negative reactions.

And speaking of reactions, don't let something that's less than positive stop you from trying it again. Some girls like some things (eg: holding hands perhaps), others don't. So if someone gives you a slightly cold or disinterested reaction if you, say, kiss her on the cheek, don't let that stop you from ever doing it again... (this again from experience)

Hey, long time no see.

Yup. Work = evil :/

But overtime = WICKED!