Lonely? Love?

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Long ago I felt I would never feel loved, that I must have been ugly and just an unwanted.
but the truth of the matter is this,

Would you want someone who looks to be always down? someone depressing that may drag you down as well?
Would you want someone who is dirty and unkempt that looks like would or could be lazy and in the end you would have to support?
Would you want someone who has no direction in life clinging onto you expecting you to give them something to live for?
Would you want someone who basically had no ego and is always wanting someone to bring there ego up while you may be in need of it your self when your down?

You see if you have any of those problems your self then you must change them to make any real progress.

How? this is what I have found,

You make your own dreams of a home and a life and what you would like to see happen, you do not wait for that right one to come along first, you see you must find a compatible person and the best way to do that is to get on with your life, reach for your own goals in life, but do not hide in your room, do not exile your self by hiding away from the rest of the world, you must advertise your self buy being visible with your efforts in reaching for your own goals you set out for your self in your life, build that dream home, educate your self so you can reach for that dream job you always wanted, make your self happy and proud of your self, someone doing the same thing may see this and you and like what they see and then reach out to you wanting to get to know you.

I know, its hard to see when someone is trying to catch your attention, believe me I know, but if they really take a strong interest in you then you wont miss the cue's, just don't let your self shy away when you finely get them.

In this world its easy to get taken advantage of, esp for Aspies, thats one of the reasons its best to find the one that you want or would like to know doing what you enjoy best, because they are doing somewhat the same thing and not just looking for an easy target to use and take advantage of, there are needy and greedy people all over the place, you must be firm and strong, aim for YOUR goals in life, if you own your own home and it does not work out then its not you who would be getting kicked out and having to start from scratch if things go wrong.

Patience is a virtue, I waited long decades to just even get into any kind of real relationship, my first real relationship I had gotten into I knew i was being used, but I was so sick of being alone and lonely and wanting to die from the despair of it all I accepted the invitation to disaster for almost 15 years, after that relationship was over I started reaching for what I really wanted FOR MY SELF, and thats when the better things and changes in my life started happening (esp after I discovered what my condition was thats been affecting my whole out look on life, my Aspieness, it helped my mental perspectives on things.)

You cant get into a relationship and keep trying to make others happy ignoring how you feel, eventually you will burn out, thats why its best to find someone with compatible dreams, it does not have to be the same interests in life, it could simply be the same desires in the kind of dream home and home life, many things go into a relationship, you have to find whats right for you.

So, spread your wings, take flight, you only have one life to live, do not wait for your moment under the sun to come, make your moments because your true moments under the sun started the day you was Born.

Have Patience, in time, it will all come calling to you, its nature.
Be honest, caring, reliable, and most of all, true to your self.

fabulous, mutant. and how i am still trying, after all these years, to get there...

it's true, though - have been talking recently to a friend (an aspie) about how his attitude towards himself and others is the main thing which is getting in the way of him having a relationship. if you don't like or care about yourself, how can you do so with others?

and i KNOW how hard that is - like i say, i'm still trying to achieve it, and i train people in techiniques to raise others' self esteem, for heaven's sake.

"Physician, heal thyself"?

Great words of wisdom.

Someone should put this in the article section.

I wouldn't mind seeing others post here their words of wisdom sort of thing that others could meditate/think on that may help others, I have just touched base on a few things, the basics, I see so many asking questions and crying about their emptiness's, they do not just need sympathy's.
knowledge and understanding and perseverance with a willingness to change is the key to change and new beginnings.

Friendships, there are many kinds.

One of the more common kinds is the cry on shoulder or pity party kind,
when this is the only reason for seeing each other eventually it will get old because you or they may get sick of feeling sorry for your self and others.

One that is born from a shared interest is nice, but if thats all there is then you may find your self lost for words when it comes to other subjects, work companions make good friends for this type.

One that is made from drinking/Drugi companionship can be and is generally an easy one to make, but if you stop to see and listen you will find the only subject mostly is the bragging of the drugs and the daydreams of doing more, but someday if you ever want that right relationship or friendship that will last then you will have to grow up passed the drugs, or boredom will ensue or you or the companion will grow out of them and then you will be stuck alone from drifting apart with nothing more in common with them.

A real and lasting friend will be able to touch base on many levels and not just a few subjects or tears.
Do not give up on the Friend's you have or do make, but instead go out and do things, explore your interests and find what in common you do have.

.

Have you ever stopped to ponder or think, the love your searching for is the person you would like to see in your self? Love thy self, and the rest shall follow.

I totally agree with you. A lot of people feel like if they could just find the right mate, or the right group of friends, or the right career etc. etc.
Then they would be happy. I think hapiness is a skill. Something you have to learn for yourself.

I just thought that your original post would be a good addition to the articles section, with advice on various social difficulties and such.

Thanks Spacemonkey.

For the most part I find my self running out of things to say on the forums, in a way I am posting what I feel could help the most befor I start drifting off to other things of intrest to me.

I hope these last few posting are of some use.

Enjoy and take care.

Freaking beautiful. Took me a while to realize those sort of things myself.

And hopefully I will be able to apply them (if I play my cards right).

AS ABOVE

Patience is a difficult game to play but it's the way to win.