Post a Toxic Dating Profile

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Just for the sake of fun.

Make it as despicable as you can.

No, you can't get me to post my dating profile here.

I posted my dating profile elsewhere, but I’ll repost it here with a couple of minor tweaks to reflect current interests. One person’s toxic is another person’s sexy/endearing.

Age: 39
Gender: F
Gender Looking For (orientation): I’m open.
Type of Relationship Looking For: Very open.
Smoker or non: Either, but if you’ve got the good stuff, share it with me.

Diagnosis if Relevant: Autism Level 1/AS, CPTSD, PTSD, GAD, MDD, SEXY.

Suspected: ASPD (antisocial personality disorder), I hope that’s not a problem.

Basic Location: Pennsylvania - like Transylvania but without the vampires, to the best of my knowledge

Any Important Info (Any strong religious or political views / dealbreakers): I’m God. Any potential partner(s) must support my quest to become Supreme Leader. The world has not had enough female dictators. I’m hoping to rectify that.

Relationship History (First Timer, Divorced, Children, etc.): I have one son who was conceived through immaculate conception. Few men have engaged in coitus with me and lived to tell about it. My sexual prowess knows no bounds though. Those who survived found the risk worth it.

Living Arrangement (If relevant): I live in a castle on a secluded mountain.

Education: I have a BA in English and am a thesis short of an MA in the same topic. I’m strongly opposed to practical pursuits, outside of studying and perfecting the art of mind control.

Hobbies / Special Interests: Reading, playing the piano, studying languages, playing video games, and world domination.

Fave Movies: Star Wars franchise, Lord of the Rings trilogy, and all things Alfred HitchCOCK
Favorite Games: Zelda games, mind games
Favorite Social Media: Wrongplanet. Occasionally, I like to argue with people on Reddit.

Best qualities: sociopathy, high-intelligence, unrestrained sexuality, creative, talented, imaginative, passionate, ambitious, ambidextrous

Less-desirable qualities: N/A (TwilightPrincess does not have undesirable qualities.)

Name 3-5 of your favourite music bands:
*NSYNC
The Beach Boys
The Village People

Ideal date activity: Fun time in the castle dungeon after a moonlit stroll through the castle cemetery.

Write a blurb about yourself like an Intro: If you’re seeking a badass woman, look no further. There’s never a dull moment when I’m around. My insatiable lust for adventure, knowledge, and power makes me the ideal candidate for anyone eager and willing to take the passenger’s seat. Don’t let that intimidate you! I’m just a normal gal who loves dancing naked under the light of a full moon and cuddles in the heat of a funeral pyre.

Age: Mentally 13-14
Gender: F but also NB
Gender Looking For: Dudes but I already have one (or two) (shhhh...) and some unicorns
Type of Relationship Looking For: Codependent and / or soulmatish
Smoker or non: I'm smokin' hot

Diagnosis if Relevant: Compulsive Posting Disorder (CPD), ASD2, ADHD-C, CPTSD, PTSD, GAD, MDD, Chronic Fatigue, Acquired Brain Injuries, Sleep Disorders, Sensory Processing Disorder, Synaesthesia, Face Blindness (I can't tell you from a tree stump), Crazy Cat Womanhood (CCW), Stubborn As s**t Syndrome (SASS), and Sloth.

Suspected? Usually

Basic Location: At hospitals, vets, dark cemeteries, or the occasional psychiatrist psychic.

Any Important Info (Any strong religious or political views / dealbreakers?):
Yeah, don't F with me and we'll be good.

Relationship History (First Timer, Divorced, Children, etc.): Three gay partners who abused me, and a good man who will screen your replies. Mother to my brother's son and a few others. (No I'm not Phoebe Buffay.)

I've also been known to have people incarcerated.

Living Arrangement (If relevant): I live between the homes / countries of my various minions.

Education: Not required, so long as you can rub my lower back.

Hobbies / Special Interests: Sniffing people, distancing, changing my mind, pillows.

Fave Movies: The Big Chill where Harold does Meg.

Favorite Games: Strip Scrabble, mind games, pinwheels.

Favorite Social Media: YouTube, shouting song lyrics out car windows, music.

Best qualities: See Adult.

Less-desirable qualities: I throw things and scream obscenities when I'm crossed.

Name 3-5 of your favourite bands:
Hair bands
Head bands
Rubber bands
Band-Aids


Ideal date activity: Sleeping


Write a blurb about yourself like an Intro: Please help me.

Here’s a profile I used in a past life:

I’m a single mom of 13 children. We lost their father tragically last year when he had a heart attack at his third job. I’m looking for an upstanding Christian man who’ll be the spiritual head of the family - leading us in daily Bible study, prayer, and hymn-singing. I’m 39 years old. Don’t worry! I have a lot of fertile years left.

Missionary is for married couples who are missionaries at heart if you know what I mean.

A strong work ethic and sound constitution are obligatory. He also must be mindful of my porcelain doll collection.

Show Spoiler

Age: 38
Gender: female
Gender Looking For (Orientation): No one
Type of Relationship Looking For: (Longterm, etc.) Not looking
Smoker or Non: Smoking? Blegh
Diagnosis if Relevant: ASD, Asperger's to be exact

Basic location or Time Zone (Do not give specific address): Pacific Northwest

Important Info (Any strong religious or political views / dealbreakers):

I am very woke, I do not like Trump lovers or their minions and I hate right wing stuff. I am also very ableist towards abusers with mental illnesses because I do not tolerate any abuse, period. I do not tolerate manipulation and gaslighting either and I do not care if this is part of your illness, same as if you lack empathy. if you are cold hearted and disregard my feelings because you have ASPD, or NPD or BPD, I am not a safe person for you. I am also not into religion and will not follow a religion nor go to church. I also do not want it pushed onto me. If you have violent meltdowns where you smash items and hit people, even me, I will not tolerate it and will break up with you.

Relationship History (First Timer, Divorced, Children, etc.): Two crazy ex's, they both behaved like psychopaths because one of them used me as a meal ticket and as a sex object and the other was just mean.

Living Arrangement (If relevant):

I live with my husband and kids and sometimes my parents.

Education: high school

Hobbies / Special Interests: Very boring, I watch too much youtube and play too much Disney magic Kingdoms game


Best qualities: None. I am giftless and skilless

^^

Just to clarify I'm not really looking for anyone but I wanted to sound toxic.
Also, I only throw things when I'm having a meltdown alone.
It's rare, like maybe twice a year.
Non-throwing meltdowns are much more common.

The last item I sacrificed was frozen Pad Thai, whipped at the wall.