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I never really minded being different and not fitting in that I can remember. I certainly didn’t and don’t fit in, but I think that’s okay. Not everyone can be this awesome. JK

It’s easier for me to relate to those who are quirky in some way even if they aren’t actually ND.

Personally, I tend to prefer mixed gender groups.

I don't really feel pressure to perform for other women in that way, however I do feel a little awkward when I'm new to groups and there is an expectation that I like men. When there's various nudges and winks of 'Oh he's cute' or 'I was distracted by him if you know what I mean'.

Even though I've been out for a while, I do wonder whether to just awkwardly agree, laugh, or mention it casually or what to do exactly. Usually I go with a noncommittal laugh at first and hope there's no follow up questions. I want to be able to relate and make small talk, but I can't fully.

I think that there is sort of an expectation for me to 'be like one of the guys' with people I'm out to, even though I'm fairly feminine presenting. I'm used to being called bro or dude and people assuming that I must not like interests such as musicals or fashion. Which I can I assure you I do. I also enjoy violent video games because there's no rule to say you can't like both.

I definitely felt uncomfortable in my last job because the men there would call each other women as an insult. As the only full-time woman there... I very much felt out of place. There was also a lot of dramatic sighing when people would address the group. "Alright lads... and... *sigh* Wo...Lass? Woman". I mean at that point I'd rather be an honorary lad if it's so awkward.

I don't feel a pressure to conform to women. It's just that I'm more aware of my differences because the NT/ND divide is more obvious when I'm with women than men. If I happen to be depressed or anxious or having a bad day I'll sometimes feel down on myself that I can't measure up, while simultaneously rejecting and disliking that thing I'm unable to measure up to.

I don't like mixed gender groups. Funny you say that. Then, I get the double whammy. I feel acutely different from the other women and it seems as if this is highlighted by the presence of men who would notice it when I'm compared to other women.

I know this is all nonsense and likely not true at all, but that's how my PTSD brain works. I put myself down quite easily in social situations and tell myself I'm not good enough. I also have issues with groups of people in general, because of my trauma, whether they are men, women, or trans.

Basically, I want to be invisible and not exist at all in a physical form. Failing that, I'm more comfortable with men - assuming they're decent men and I know them well.

I should mention that I don't have ovaries or any female hormones in my body. Maybe that adds to my feeling of otherness when I'm around women, although it's always been that way.

Where I'm originally from it seems mostly OK for women to be feminine or tomboy types; for example women could have long or short hair, or wear dresses or pants. But if a guy was kinda feminine he was assumed to be secretly gay & sometimes experienced bullying from other guys & got called various insults. The hatred from guys is worse if a guy wants to wear dresses even if it's due to sensory issues & itchy skin instead of being trans. I really hate double standards. Paying attention to the news is distressing & it seems like most majorly bad things are being committed by men like rape & murder, & corrupt politicians & business owners.

As for my personal experience, I found women to be more sympathetic or empathetic towards me & towards other people who have various issues. But on the downside women are also more likely to freak out due to misunderstanding me & misinterpreting my words & actions. However guys are more likely to directly bully & insult me for that. I suspect that some guys put me & other guys down in order to be seen as safer by women.

Being a tomboy was okay for me in the wider culture but not so much in my religion. I HAD to wear dresses and skirts to church and to preach which I hated. (I went to church 3 days a week and preached one day a week at the time.) If I couldn’t climb a tree in it or run as fast as the boys, I didn’t want to wear it. I’d often wear shorts underneath the dress or skirt as a way of rebelling. I think what particularly bothered me about having to dress like a girl is that it was an outward sign that I was less-than because that’s what my church taught. Maybe I would’ve minded wearing dresses less if it wasn’t for that despite being a tomboy.

I hated being told to be more “ladylike.” I just wanted to be me.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 07 Feb 2024, 9:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, YMMV regarding the whole being a tomboy thing. I was picked on a lot growing up because of it. Mainly being told that I didn't count as a girl and people calling me 'he' as a means to mock me. There were plenty of gay rumours, which granted ended up being true in my case but the chants and the jokes did stick with me for a while.

If boys showed an interest in me, then girls would mock them and say it was gay to like me because I was 'basically a boy'. One girl said that it'd basically be straight for me to like girls and that it's weird that I don't (I wasn't out at the time). I remember that she said I 'wasn't exactly a tomboy' and that I was more like a 'feminine man, not feminine in the way a woman is feminine but somehow feminine in a confusing way' in behaviour.

You best believe I questioned what on Earth that meant for a while. I think what she meant was 'you're mostly feminine but you also have a degree of androgyny to you that makes me wonder about your sexuality'.

I remember when I attempted to be more feminine but then I was criticised for being fake. I couldn't really win as a teenager it seems.

These days I'm told that I'm too feminine to be gay so I really can't win. (Others say I'm a complete stereotype of a femme lesbian and they knew from the moment I walked into a room). These things tend to be inconsistent.

My bf is everything I thought I'd never have

I tend to prefer male friends.

Aw. That's good to hear.

Oops. I accidentally bumped the thread.

While I’m here, I’ve been wondering what I should do on my wedding anniversary next month. Maybe I’ll do something sensible like go on a day hike and then come home, get drunk, and watch Thelma and Louise, Women Talking, or another similarly appropriate movie.

You need the semen of a righteous man. ^





https://youtu.be/6MIGnee5PPU?si=_qmmxHLEmQM-fg5j

Semen and wedding anniversaries seem like a bad combo, but I could make an exception if it involves witchcraft.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

I'll bring Macbeth and the three weird sisters.

We could do a chick flick thing.

Let's make a chick flick thread.

Actually you do it. I'm eating ice cream.