Autistic boyfriend cheated accidentally

Post Reply New Topic

I once saw a case on the Dr. Phil show where a man was on there and he believed he never raped this woman. He was charged with rape but believed he was falsely accused. His claimed the woman got on top of him and started to make out so he went along with it. Dr. Phil said he was victim blaming and pointed out drunk people cannot consent and you do not let it happen if they are drunk. You do not take advantage of it.

This made me think about men who drink and have sex, that means they are raped too even if they make the first move and the woman goes along with it. She raped him. But society will say the man cheated and raped. The man can still be just as traumatized as a woman who was raped when she drank too much. Now imagine if it cost him his family or relationship even if he was traumatized because that woman took advantage of him. If a man did this to his woman, he is a misogynist but if a woman does it, everyone is praising her and I once got a shedload of upvotes on Reddit when I told a woman her partner was raped and she is victim blaming and only if genders were reversed. He was walking home after he had drank too much and some woman offered him a ride home but instead she took him to her place and slept with him and now the man was traumatized what happened when the drink wore off and he was more there and realized what happened.

Now what about two drunk people having sex? But it's always the man that is charged even if he is drunk.

I am using Dr. Phil logic here.

Not all feminists think the same. However, I suspect that most, including myself, would hate when anyone is sexually abused or mistreated.

It’s a delicate issue because some members here may have experienced assault when they were under the influence of something.

It was not in his own home. He has his own room he sleeps in at a friends house where they were all at. It was probably around 7 people drinking together in a large house.They do it every so often after having endless days of being busy at work and need a break. This girl is new to the job and has been there maybe 3 weeks at most.

And for those of you that go with the whole cheating is cheating i feel thats unfair. As other have pointed out if it had been a female it would have been considered rape.

He wouldn't have had a melt down and been missing for nearly 24 hours because he was devastated and couldn't handle what had happened. If it had been consensual he would have been sorry but not wishing to leave everyone and everything behind because he feels like he broke himself in that act. And before anyone asks yes, he does have a lot of issues but having them doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be loved or not treated with kindness and understanding.

I dont have experience with anyone with autism before. I'm learning to understand him and his melt downs when things overwhelm him emotionally and he needs the space. I'm an extremely empathetic and emotional person who talks feelings out and problems. It's difficult for me to be so far and not be able to comfort someone in emotional distress. I'm still learning that when he asks for space to clear the mess in his head that i need to step back and wait.

He needs someone on his side and not just yelling at him like our other friends did. Anger is always everyone's first reaction and can create more damage to the person already distressed. Was i hurt? Hell yea i was, but i know he's beating himself up more than i ever could to him. Sometimes we're our own worst enemies in life.

For me its accidental because without being drunk he would have rebuffed like all the other times she tried. He and others pointed it our numerous times he had a partner and she was unfortunately relentless in getting his attention any way she could.

I'm not assuming its his austism is to blame or not. I'm not a horse with blinders but i have to wait for him to actually tell me the whole story to make a judgement call one way or the other.

I'm not a stranger to imbibing to the point of my reasoning skills being dulled and sleeping with someone i didn't want to and have regrets in the morning. I will read what you suggested as I'm open to hearing people's opinions.

A better option is for both of you to seek couples therapy and have a objective third party ask both of you what you want out of a relationship. Perhaps your B/F had his reasons and if he is serious about mending his bonds he should be open to speak openly in front of you, Once you know the reasons and he opens up then you are then in a better position to offer him support.

If he accidentally cheated as you claim why are you angry? Accidents aren't anyone's fault...and should be forgiven. The fact that you are angry means you don't believe it was an accident - that means he cheated and you should break up.

I'm not angry at him. I'm angry at the female who didn't understand no the many other times he told her no and our friends as well that told her to lay off. And yea conciling aint gonna work bc we're long distance. Either way these past couple of days he's finally spoken to me and said he's still having trouble processing his feelings about the situation.

He's told me he's high functioning austistic, I have zero clue still what that really means because we're still so new. His PTSD issues from past abusive relationships doesn't help our situation either.

I have to remind everyone that he and I were friends first before randomly going left one day and he asked me to date him officially in march. Figuring out everything was already hard in general bc we're far apart and we were supposed to start flying over to see one another regularly to see if it would work out.