Is it ''abnormal'' for a 25 or 30 year old to be a virgin ?

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I think it a bit soon to worry about anxiety. In your case, the two most basic steps would be:

a.) Find somebody you think you are ready to do it with, and get to a point in your relationship with them that you mutually understand that, in principle, you and they are ready to have sex together.
b.) Have a private place where you can do it.

You haven't achieved a.) yet. If and when you do, you should be able to discuss your anxiety with them (him) rather than us.

Also > 35 the probability of a miscarriage, birth defect etc steadily increases the older the pregnancy.

Well it's 4AM in California, maybe time for a lullaby?

True but I might be getting there with Jonathan, Jesse or Jerry

Just need one of them to call me their official girlfriend first

Then I can move to the next phase (spending the night at his house or vice-versa)! !!

Yeah technically I am in a relationship with Jerry but I'm not so sure if he is the man I want to lose my virginity to!

As for private environments to "do the deed" besides their houses, my house or a hotel there is also Day Program itself which has MANY lockable and secluded rooms that would be conducive to sex or at the very least hot & steamy make-out sessions but...I don't dare try it because of the possible repercussions if we get caught!

I think a fear being rational or not depends on why your afraid of it & if you would still be majorly afraid if steps were taken to minimize your worries.

Driving Fear would be rational if you have a condition that makes driving more dangerous for you like bad vision, slow visual processing, or major problems paying attention. It would also be rational if you have no driving experience but it would be irrational if your fear prevents you from trying to take take Drivers ED so you can not gain the experience.

Flying Fear would be rational if you'll be riding through sever weather or with a very inexperienced pilot. It would also be rational if your prone to motion-sickness but it would be irrational if your so afraid that you decide not to fly instead of asking a doc to prescribe a motion-sickness med.

Sex Fear would be rational if you do not know the other person well or have good reason to suspect they will be abusive or not respect your boundaries. Fear of pregnancy would be rational but it would be irrational if your so afraid that you decide never to have sex instead of discussing birth-control options with a doc.

I wouldn't worry too much about marriage yet.

I would just stick to keeping it all simple with moving on to touching. The location doesn't really matter to much so long as it's private and legal. It sounds like you might be overcomplicating it.

You do bring up valid points

I took Driver's Ed in high school so I actually have more experience than I realize with that

I really had no choice but to go on the plane to Anaheim and I decided to conquer my fear of flying because I would have completely missed out on Disneyland!

It's the longer trips I am concerned about like out-of-state or even out-of-country

I someday want to travel to Japan but I'm worried about the 8 or 9 hour plane ride and the extreme weather they deal with there!

That and simply not having the money is what is stopping me from achieving that goal

Yet ANOTHER argument towards me getting married since my future husband and I could go on our honeymoon there

As for sex...

Let's just say for all intents and purposes that I decide to have sex with Jonathan or Jesse

I have known them for 5 months now

(started Day Program in October last year)

HOWEVER I haven't really gotten to know them one-on-one yet

Is that enough time to seriously begin considering sex with them?

Or do I need to actually start dating them first?

I trust Jonathan

He would NEVER EVER hurt me!! !

Which would make him the best choice of a candidate to lose my virginity to!

If I have to I will suck it up and go to OBGYN for the Pap smear so I can get on birth-control

Once that's done I just need to become his official girlfriend then we can proceed to "sexy time" without any more shilly-shally to quote a character from the 3rd movie of SpongeBob SquarePants Sponge on the Run

The correct order of steps to get to sex is as follows:

Step 1: Find a man at Day Program or elsewhere to start dating

Step 2: Once we start the dating process find a way to get invited to his house (or vice-versa)

***Alternatively you could go to a hotel or other secluded environment***

Step 3: Go see the OBGYN and get a Pap smear to be put on birth-control

Step 4: Engage in some hot passionate kissing and making out

Step 5: SEXY TIME!! !! !!

This feels like one of those maze puzzles where you have to figure out the correct route to the destination from the starting point

I can see it now...

"Help Sara get to Sexy Time!"

The answer would be upside-down and in plain sight!

Maybe I am overcomplicating things...

I know but marriage is my ultimate goal!

So kissing and touching will lead to sex?

Is that what you are saying?

Yeah Day Program won't work because the staff will IMMEDIATELY suspect something is up if any of their "consumers" are missing

That means the best choices for sex are:

At his house or vice-versa or other secluded environment like a hotel

Kissing and touching doesn't necessarily lead to sex and sex often doesn't have kissing and touching immediately prior but for the most part kissing and touching especially is a decent place to start.

Places can be anywhere including outside.

I can attest to that!

I would DEFINITELY want the heavy kissing and make-out session (foreplay) before sex so it's easier to get aroused

I'm not comfortable with outside sex at least not yet

Plus making out and passionately kissing is fun!! !

Maybe even more than the actual main event (sex)

What do you guys think?

Is the lead-up (foreplay) more fun than actual intercourse?

I would have to admit my own feelings on the subject, the main event is the main event IMHO.

True but there is nothing like a hot make-out session with a man!! !

Admittedly I am not very qualified to talk about sex because I haven't done it yet

I’m 53, I never had sex.

^ Is it possible to see your boyfriend?

Or is he too far away?

All my potential suitors either live in the next town or nearby so once I get to know them sex WILL become possible!

Once I start spending the night at their houses or vice-versa

The only thing is when I am actually in a room alone with a man hopefully I don't freeze up and try to back out of it due to fear!! !

It can be, sometimes.