Does this happen often to men?

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This post is to the men for those who have been in a relationship or marriage and have kids.


When you had a girlfriend or were married, did your ex make up stories about you to the court to win custody over your kids?

This is happening to my new online friend and it happened with my old BF and it happened to another guy I know here in Portland. All their ex's lied about them to the judge, by making stuff up about them like they abused them, and with my last BF his ex said he abused her and had sex with their daughter and he had to have a lie detector test done on him to prove he is innocent. It's awful. Does it happen often with men?
After hearing about it from three men, three was enough so it made me think do lot of women lie to the judge about their ex's to win custody over their kids?

Yes. It's not really all that surprising, if you think about it. You take the natural vindictiveness of a failed relationship, add in a very, very, very, very compelling legal and financial advantage for indulging in it to its fullest degree, top with an authority figure (lawyer) who's openly encouraging it because it makes for an easier case, and you have an open and shut recipe for some poor guy getting his good name dragged through the mud for someone else's benefit.

Doesn't make it any less messed up - but that's why it happens so often. It's economically advantageous.

I'd never do that to my boyfriend if we split up. Even if my lawyer encourages me to lie and make stuff up about him.

Another reason why lawyers have bad names.

When I split up with the mother of our little boy, it was a battle ground of hatred.

Now it is OK. very good in fact.

However, I befriend someone who treats the father of their child with such contempt and yes, he smokes a bit of weed now and again, but she is painting a picture of him and his family as drug addicts and the like.

I feel for women, for they have to get on with it, whilst the man has to get on with not getting on with it (if you know what I mean)

I feel this poem by Rumi says it all.

Beyond the place of right and wrong, there is a field.........I shall meet you there. Creating that field is the challenge, but both parties need to have the willingness go there.

My Ex said she thought I was a serial Killer, so she had to dump me for the safety of her daughter(it wasen't my child), yet i've had a dog for ten years and never harmed him

When my parents divorced (over 20 years ago now), they were doing so pretty amicably, joint custody, all that good stuff. My mum's lawyer sent a letter to my dad's saying she'd changed her mind, that she was going to push for her having custody and denying my dad access, etc. Completely untrue, I guess the lawyer wanted to start a fight because there's more money in it. Thankfully, my folks were still communicating on an almost daily basis, so it was clear this wasn't true (I think the lawyer lost his licence for that). But it makes me wonder how many other times it's happened, where if there's a little less communication people believe it's legit.

Last edited by mmaestro on 30 Nov 2007, 10:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

My sister-in-law knows someone (a nurse) who deliberately got herself impregnated by a doctor, just so that she could collect child support.

The doctor was having some marital problems, but still loved his wife. The woman seduced him, and told him not to worry--that she was using birth control.

The lawyer instructed her on everything to do--when the child was born, she gave the child the man's name. At court, the woman said "He told me that he loved me, and wanted to marry me."

The doctor tried to tell the truth, but the judge just told him: "You are really stupid."

The doctor is back with his wife, and has to support his other child. He has visitation rights with his child.

It seems like quite an unfair situation for the child, to be born as a tool.

perhaps you are not a dog serial killer, then, just people?

Merle

no, you look at how someone treats their lessers, and you get a scope of a person, meaning if I had a dog and he's well treated for ten years, meaning I have the ability to nurture something, how would you feel if someone called you a killer merle? not as amused by someones stupid joke,

I don't doubt that it happens, but my ex definitely did not resort to that. Now, more than 15 years later, I still have a reasonably amicable relationship with her and our son. Maybe I'm just lucky.

I guess I should count myself as lucky... my parents are still married after 20+ years... and no signs of them ever breaking up.

F****** hell... Why do people do evil things like that?
What about 'moral fibre?' Do so many people just not have any of it?

My former wife is a doctor.
We met when I worked in a lab at the hospital she was doing her resindency at.
Because of her earning ability compared to mine, we decided I'd stay at home so our daughter would not have to spend her early years in full-time daycare.
After she gave birth to our daughter, I turned into a house-dad (or whatever you call it).
I still worked part-time when I could, but I stayed at home taking care of our daughter for her entire life.

When my former wife decided to divorce me 12 yrs later... she stated in court documents that I was.... and I quote...
"Unfit to be even a part time parent!".

There was never any abuse from me of any kind towards my wife or our daughter.

In the document, she stated the reason for her wanting full custody was due to my gender confusion and the harm it would cause our daughter.

That really shook me up. We went from her saying we were going to be best friends to me being unfit as a parent after being the primary child-rearing parent for our daughter's entire life!

Our daughter is very well adjusted, very intelligent and mature. Jeez! I feel so bad that I ruined her life!

The court and the mediator they assigned us, disregarded her statement luckily.
We were ordered to go to a counselor about the child-custody issue and my former wife admitted to the lady there that this whole "unfit to be even a part-time parent" was said because my former wife was mad at me.

Now, I know my former wife loves our daughter. Our girl wouldn't be the same person without both of us in her life.
But to take out her anger/bitterness/frustrations by trying to tear apart the relationship my daughter and I have is just too hard to comprehend.
I cannot imagine how terrible her frame-of-mind was at that time to attempt this sort of thing.

Divorces are hell... that's for sure... FOR EVERYONE!

One other lie my former wife told...
This goes right along with the idea of lawyers who wish to whip up emotion, and turmoil in a divorce for whatever evil reason...


Early on in my marriage I recall a night when my former wife and I were having an unpleasant discussion.
I remember feeling upset that I was not doing well in school and she was expressing her feelings about this also.

I made a flippant comment.... "Well, I should just take a gun and shoot myself then!".
I know plenty of people who have made the same off-hand comment.
I was not depressed... I only owned one rifle... and I never went to it.

Somehow, her lawyer spurred her mind into remembering this incident and together they weaved a story of how I... as they put in the same court documents mentioned above... "Threatened suicide with one of my guns!".

Interesting thing is... if she really believed I had threatened suicide, then why didn't she do anything to stop me or protect herself?
Why did she not go looking for the rifle and hide it?
Why did she not call the police?
Why did she not lock me out of or inside the house... or take ABSOLUTELY ANY steps you would think someone would take if a loved one was threatening to kill themselves?

I wanted to address the court about her lies, but my attorney persuaded me not too.

I stay by my decision not to engage in name-calling or character-bashing with my former wife.
I just wish she would stop the attacks and go about her own business.

I've seen it happen...but I've also almost been on the flip side...so I don't know what to say.

A year before he left (while he was fooling around)... my ex started telling his family and friends how "wacked" I was, and since I never socialized with the family or his friends much there really wasn't another side of the story for anyone to hear and I think alot of them believed him ...he also said that his son would never have a "normal life" because of me. He would laugh and tell "me" how he was going to "trade me in"...and he could have me sucking my thumb in a fetal position in the corner if he wanted to.

I can't help but think he planned his exit in the way that he did...probably hoping I would come unglued that day and he could later use that in court. I don't know what to think. I was almost at the breaking point...the last year was he$$.

He left in late July that year...before Christmas he had his son calling his girlfriend mom (although he denied it at the time).

The hatred you could almost see, and still can somedays...and I never knew what I did to earn it.

That said...he has always been a good father to our son...and although I grit my teeth and find it impossible to talk to him some days ...I would never prevent our son from seeing him unless he was putting our son in REAL danger and it couldn't be resolved in any other way.

I don't know what to say about women who do things like this...I know that there's usually two sides to every story though...but to lie and rob someone of something so precious just out of anger and hatred...well...just , how do you sleep at night?

I know that this does happen, but at the same time, from personal experience, I'd be wary of a guy who claimed that it had happened to him. I'd need to know a great deal about him before I'd be comfortable believing him. My ex used to complain a lot about his exes and bad things that they did, and after a while of being with him I realized that he had twisted around all those stories. For example, he said that this one girl cheated on him, and the truth ended up being that she smiled at a guy friend and my ex, in a jealous rage, totally lost it and threatened to kill her. I saw that side of him in court, too. He fabricated an intricate sob story that he told in court, all lies. I was just lucky the judge saw through it.

One helpful way to tell if people are being honest about a "psycho ex" is to observe how they talk about their other exes. If all of their exes are characterized as unstable freaks, then you probably have the real freak right in front of you.

Not to say that this is what's going on in your case. I just have to throw that warning out there for my own peace of mind.