Quite a unique situation I've got

Post Reply New Topic

First off, hi all. Why couldn't I've found this place sooner?

So anyway, I started a new job three weeks ago, at the production department at a TV station. There's just three of us in the department during my 2-to-midnight shift -- me, a month shy of 21; this one guy, 23... and this one girl, about 21 or 22 if I had to guess. My goodness, this girl is awesome. I've been admiring her the whole time -- it was literally love at first sight, although I'm typically hesitant to use the word "love" when it's not reciprocal. I've just kind of felt drawn to her. I could tell that she's the kind of girl that most guys wouldn't find particularly special, but I feel an incredible attraction too. I feel some kind of perfectness about her -- some kind of compatibility, I've realized. The feelings seem to intensify every day I'm with her, and it's driving me nuts that I can't stop thinking about her and what I should do about my situation.

We'd never spoken about anything other than that which pertained to our job functions, and even then, I've not been with her constantly for that, since she's typically preparing for the newscasts, while I'm still learning the ropes of master control. The other night, though, when she didn't seem as busy, I tried -- as best I could, given my circumstances -- to strike up a conversation, trying to find out a bit about her and what she was interested in. I found it kind of awkward, though, because she wasn't continuing the conversation, as it were. She responded to-the-point-ily (for lack of a batter phrase), she didn't ask anything of me, and she seemed to be a tad out of her comfort zone, as it were, but she didn't seem bothered, disturbed, or surprised either. I thought about her on the drive home, and I started to put two and two together. She's a person of few words, she's often working intently by herself, and she certainly doesn't seem to have that need to socialize, but she's very nice, and very helpful. As you've almost certainly guessed by now, I deduced that she probably has AS too.

Now, this changes my game plan significantly. The thought originally was that I'd try to find out more about her, little by little, more and more each time, as the weeks roll on -- thus in the process of trying to strike up personal conversations, try to drop the hint, as it were, that I'm interested in her. Problem is, if she has AS -- which I seem more and more sure of the more I think about it -- she won't pick up the hints-dropping. She won't be able to tell that I feel anything about her unless I tell her, I feel something about you. I too can't tell what she feels about me -- if I didn't know she had AD, I'd interpret it as disinterest, but now I have no idea. So my dilemmas, as I've counted them, are as follows:

• When to divulge my feelings for her, and how much, in what doasge.
• When I should bring up that I have AS.
• When to ask if she does have AS.
• Anything else I haven't thought of that I should do before doing these.
• How, if she doesn't reciprocate, to tell whether she's truly not interested, or if she'd just being Aspergerian, to coin another phrase. (That makes, what, two already?) And, as a bit of a corollary, how far to advance if she doesn't reciprocate.

I'd say that you should take it slowly, follow the example of the other colleague.
Try to find a "casual" moment to drop your AS into conversation. It's possible that she tells about hers as well. If she hasn't AS or doesn't know it, she may be interested anyway and you can explain more.
When to divulge your feelings, I can't say. I have a bad "track record" in that. Generally women are not offended if you honestly tell them that you like them, however.
About how far to advance, just keep respecting her. If she seems uncomfortable, retreat.

@Korppi; I have to note that while girls won't be offended when you honestly tell them you like them, they might (if she doesn't feel the same) ignore you partly because they can't deal with it.

It sounds like she may just not be interested. Either that or being hit-on by one of her two fellow coworkers creeps her out. Say you did end up going out on a date and it was a disaster. What then? The two of you are stuck together on the shift with only one other person to hide behind.

You work in close proximity to this person. Just relax and do your thing. If she were at all interested it would be pretty easy for her to let you know. Assuming she has AS is a bad idea and could be a recipe for disaster. Chances are she doesn't. Regardless, you don't have anything but a superficial knowledge of her. Certainly not enough to make a diagnosis. We'd all like to meet a terrific girl with AS. Unfortunately, the odds are stacked against us. Don't fall into the trap of trying to make her fit into your fantasy. It will never work.

I suggest you not tell her your feelings or that you're an aspie. She might have had a rough day that time. Just talk to her more often and she might reveal a different personality. Once she feels more comfortable around you, you can try asking her out but don't tell her your feelings.

Thank you everybody. I just needed some sage advice to put my head in the right direction. I appreciate it.

not to mention, the ol' sexual harrassment thing. We have to do training on it every year (why, do we have newer and better ways to do it?... was miffed to find out you can't even compliment a woman's outfit any more...

try being friends first. They can't get you for that, and if it doesn't work out, you don't have to work with your ex...