Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I?

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It's not that people think you are a loser, they may think that, due to lack of experience, you may not know how to take care of yourself. I think it is different here, even for women. I know some (Christian) girls whose parents will not let them live outside the home until they are married. I think this is fine.

But not for me. This is because I somewhat believe for a person who has been sheltered, or extremely socially anxious and reclusive, this may be somewhat harmful for me to wait until I am married. I can feel that I am not gaining any experience on being used to the real world. SOmetimes I get out there and it almost feels too much. I forget what it's like to be around people. I dont want to wait until Im thirty because in the US, I'd be in the same position as a kid out of university, and I want to be ahead of that. I'd be at a disadvantage.

Also, my parents are conservative, and they hate when I have my boyfriend in my room. I'm 21 (my conservative university makes students sign honor codes to live at home until I graduate) and it's a little ridiculous to have my dad send my sister to check on us every 30 minutes, and for me to have to leave my door open, and for my parents to moniter whether he curses or not. The thing is, most women know that theyd have to sneak around parents with their adult boyfriend or deal with the parents' rules. If they have respect for your parents, they wouldnt go against their wishes, so it makes it easier if you have your own place and your parents aren't watching (or know)your every move.

I definitely agree that it is okay to move back in with parents while you repay your college bills. It's a very smart thing to do. That's why I sugested to move out before he is 30, if he is able to.

He/she likes it? One can be perfectly "independent", established, self-sufficient and full of life experience yet still live at home. Some people are very "pack" orientated after all, it's just another "normal" way of existing; people live near their parents for this reason too.

It's only a place of residence, a place to eat and sleep; the former doesn't even need to apply.

One can live in his own house and do nothing; no upkeep, no maintenance, no household chores, no nothing; but one could live with his father/mother, because he likes them, he gets along with them, and he does all of the former which the person who lives by himself doesn't.

As I said, it's only a home; it doesn't completely define a person.

I don't mind if she lived with her parents for life, for whatever reason; it's erroneous to assume that people cannot look after themselves if they live with their parents (speaking objectively here), it's also a throwback to inequality, i.e., men own cave and earn money to buy...stuff; women look after cave and have babies. (The mother/partner conflict/replacement that many women fear is hilarious too; men would have just "taken" their mothers in the past after clubbing dad, and society then would have been completely different if men "wanted" their mothers.)
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really, Danielismyname, your cartoon ideal of what 'cavemen' were all about would be laughable if it wern't so sad. The introduction of agriculture and to some extent herding cultures gave rise to gender 'inequality' and that was long after 'cavemen'.

A little harsh to call someone laughable and sad due to that comment, the historical aspect of it wan't even the point.

I haven't been a young lady for quite some time so I asked some young women (1 at 19, 2 at 22, 1 at 23 and 4 at 25 year olds) during a break at my place of business.

I just asked "would you date a young man of 25 that still lives with his parents?" the answers came thick and fast "no! he would just want me to take over for his mother!"

"probably doesn't have practical knowledge of budgets and bill paying!"

"who cleans HIS toilets?"

"what? no "whoopee?"" "he better live in his own apartment, though" "who cooks and clean for him?"

The nineteen year old was much more open to it because "I would like to meet his folks, and if he lived with them I could always use that for reasons not to become physically intimate if I didn't want to."

The 25 year olds were the most vocal about it being a turn off/ deal breaker because as one put it "I am looking for a man that can take care of himself so he will appreciate me when I look after him"

I haven't been a young lady for quite some time so I asked some young women (1 at 19, 2 at 22, 1 at 23 and 4 at 25 year olds) during a break at my place of business.

Funny how you know their exact ages. Did you just happen to know their ages or did you casually ask them?

I just asked "would you date a young man of 25 that still lives with his parents?" the answers came thick and fast "no! he would just want me to take over for his mother!"

No, I would not.

"probably doesn't have practical knowledge of budgets and bill paying!"

Because I choose to live a frugal lifestyle, "budgets" and "bill paying" are not something I struggle with.

"who cleans HIS toilets?"

I don't clean the toilets, but if that's an issue arrangements can be made.

"what? no "whoopee?"" "he better live in his own apartment, though" "who cooks and clean for him?"

Chances are I would not let my hypothetical girlfriend cook for me, anyway, because I'm very picky when it comes to food and for the most part I only like to eat the food I prepare.

The nineteen year old was much more open to it because "I would like to meet his folks, and if he lived with them I could always use that for reasons not to become physically intimate if I didn't want to."

I see no need for my hypothetical girlfriend to meet my folks and viceversa. I also see no need for me to meet her folks either.

The 25 year olds were the most vocal about it being a turn off/ deal breaker because as one put it "I am looking for a man that can take care of himself so he will appreciate me when I look after him"

The fact that I live at home does not mean I can't take care of myself or that I wouldn't appreciate someone looking after me.

You should have told those young women that the hypothetical man in question is not like most men his age. (And I mean "not like most men his age" not because he lives at his parents' home.)

I jotted their names and ages down on the same pad of paper I recorded their answers on. Why would that be 'funny'? it was just efficient.










budgets and bill paying happen even for frugral lifestyles, so I don't understand your answer.




The question was 'who cleans them' which speaks to how you expect things to happen for you, what you see as needing to be done and how your mindset is towards routine maintance and how that routine manintance is accomplished. It is good you are willing to learn, though!





Again that speaks to what your expectations are that others would have to adapt and how much you were willing to adapt for them, too.





there it is, Mw99, having a boyfriend is usually an audition for a lifemate that is involved in all family relationships. So no, I don't see any of those women OK with not sharing their families and not expecting to share your's too. So, you're right. Those women are not looking for the same thing you are.







oh, OK. It never occurred to me to make your excuses for you. Good luck in convincing NTs that we should be cut a different break for being Aspies!


all the best, and happy new year!

Merle

Mw99 I'm just asking a purely logical question here, but how could you date a girl, not wanting her to meet your parents, when you live with them? At some time it's going to happen, and it seems logical to introduce them since it is their house, right?

Why would I ever want to bring my hypothetical girlfriend to my parent's house?

Question for Merr?

At what age would you (or the "average" NT woman) say is the deadline for a man to have his own place in order to avoid social ostracization or negative judgment? I'm 20 and I have every intention of living completely on my own by 25 (I'm already getting a taste of living alone by spending 8 out of 12 months of the year in college dorms), but I thought it would be good to get an idea of what is considered conventionally acceptable so that I might adjust my own goals accordingly.

Why would I ever want to bring my hypothetical girlfriend to my parent's house?